Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel
by dreamgurl
Summary: One month after The Thin Line. Blair's revenge is almost complete, she just has to take care of Chuck Bass... Serena and Chuck learn to deal with their family. BC, some SD, SN, SC as siblings. Minor Chuck/OC. Flash of Nate/Jenny. Lily/Bart/Rufus implied.
1. Watch Your Back, C

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Takes place a month after "The Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate." The eve of Lily and Bart's wedding. Blair is working steadily on her revenge, with the help of Serena and Dan. Now she just needs to get back at Chuck… Blair/Chuck with some Serena/Dan and eventually some Serena/Nate.  
Author's Note: I just had the urge to start writing some GG fanfiction to help me out until episodes start up again. Feedback is much appreciated. :D

**Ch. 1: Watch Your Back, C**

_Good morning, Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl here…_

_Hear those wedding bells ringing, kids? Hard to believe that two of the most unromantic people in our little community are tying the knot on the most romantic day of the year: Valentine's Day. But why so short an engagement, one might ask? Here's hoping Lily Van der Woodsen's already got one in the oven, just so we can see the first Van der Woodsen-Bass spawn and forget all about our own problems. I'm off to put on my fabulous Manolos and get ready for an evening to remember. Still think I'm talking about the wedding? You've got another one coming. I'm just looking forward to whatever vengeance our Ex-Queen B has in store to regain her throne. If you're one of those unlucky people who had a hand in her downfall, you better watch out. Any of you worth seeing, I'll see tonight._

_XOXO,_

_Gossip Girl_

The caterers had all arrived. The flowers were in place. Serena had made her mother change the place settings at least 15 times to make sure Blair didn't have to go through the unpleasant experience of sitting within the vicinity of any of her enemies (read: victims). As the two girls looked around, they breathed in the glorious decorations of the beautiful wedding hall. It was almost enough to make them forget who Lily Van der Woodsen was marrying, after all. Serena was not looking forward to being Chuck Bass' stepsister, and spent most of her energy planning strategies with which to avoid his interminable come-ons and possible attempted rapes. Blair Waldorf, meanwhile, was far more focused on the present. Sure, it would be tricky to ever spend the night at Serena's with her ex-lover just lounging around there, possibly with prostitutes. But that problem was easily solved by having Serena over at her own apartment whenever necessary (something soothing to both their frazzled minds). She was more worried about getting through this very wedding. Blair's comeback was moving along steadily: Kati and Iz were already back on her side like the mindless clones they were. All it took was a couple more Eleanor Waldorf originals and the promise of being bridesmaids in Lily's wedding alongside Blair (Serena was maid of honor, of course). Hazel was still ruling the roost of Constance Billard alongside Penny and that little bitch, Jenny, but Blair would soon bring them down. Or bring down Hazel and Penny, at least. She hadn't yet figured out what to about Jenny, out of respect for her best friend and (grudgingly) Dan.

Ever since her "downfall," Dan Humphrey had been gracious enough to give up much of his Serena time in order to accommodate Blair's needs. He had even joined in on some of their more successful revenge missions. As much as Blair hated to admit it, he was just the perfect blend of her own wiles and Serena's sweet innocence. He knew just how to bring someone down, but in the nicest way possible. So while Blair firmly believed Jenny would have to learn her lesson, she was more and more starting to think she might just leave it up to Dan. Jenny had been a good little servant, after all, and her betrayal had taken some gut and brains—enough that Blair continued to bestow a hateful respect on the little freshman. The main issue now was making Chuck Bass pay for all he had put her through. Of course, as much as Blair tried to convince herself that there was nothing _personal_ per se in this attack, she could not help but feel deeply wounded when she thought of Chuck's last words to her. It was too much to bear, so much that she hadn't even told Serena what really happened at that bar. As far as her best friend knew, Chuck was guilty only of informing Gossip Girl that Blair was not as pure as she seemed. Besides, it's not like Blair _cared_ about Chuck or anything. It was just that what he said cut to the very core of her insecurities. It had nothing to do with **who** said those words, right? No one called Blair Waldorf a used horse and got away with it. Absolutely no one.

In a misguided attempt to "bring the family together," Lily and Bart had made Chuck best man and poor Erik the ring-bearer. All the girls kept coming up to the younger Van der Woodsen and pinching his cheeks as if he were an effing five-year old. Poor guy was never going to live this down. Worst of all was that he couldn't even look to Jenny for consolation, even though she was at the wedding, because he couldn't be seen cavorting with her in the presence of Blair and his sister—unless he wanted to be given a major smack-down at home. Besides, the way she had been acting lately, he wasn't so sure she'd even deign to speak to him in public anymore...

The girls lined up in their sparkling Waldorf gowns to make their way down the aisle. Serena tried to suck up all her feelings of uneasiness and pasted a brilliant smile on her face. She knew this wedding was partly her own fault, for asking her mother to give up Rufus Humphrey in favor of her own relationship with Dan. But seriously, couldn't Lily live just one year without _any_ man in her life? Aside from the general creepiness of his nature, though, Bart Bass had treated her and Erik very well, and he doted on their mother. Serena supposed she could forgive him for raising Chuck, after all. She scanned the crowd and caught sight of Dan, who gave her a sweet nod of encouragement. Next to him was Jenny, someone for whom Serena could not decipher her feelings. She had thought that girl was going to be a good friend, she was so sweet and innocent, but then she went and betrayed Serena's trust by ruining Blair's reputation and relationship with Nate. Serena didn't wish her any harm, for Dan's sake, but she did want to see justice served. Suddenly, Serena realized there was one more person next to the two Humphreys: their father, Rufus, looking not-at-all happy to be there._ Seriously? _Serena had made sure he got an invitation, because she knew it would be unacceptable to invite his children and not him, but never in a million years had she expected him to come. _He must be a glutton for punishment_, she thought to herself sadly.

She took her place next to Chuck and prepared herself for the biggest façade of a wedding ceremony she hoped to ever experience. A whisper in her ear made her groan inwardly.

"I'm so glad we have the opportunity to be close again, _sis,_" Chuck simpered in his sleaziest way possible.

Serena gave him the death glare she had learned from her best friend, and shot back "Message from Blair, _darling brother_. You're going down, and your little boyfriend is, too."

An almost imperceptible change took place in Chuck's face at the mention of Blair's name, but at this distance Serena could easily see something was bothering him deeply. "I'm tired of these games, Van der Woodsen," he said in his best effort to sound nonchalant, "I won last time and I'm going to keep on winning." His tone softened a little as he continued, "Just let her know I'm truly sorry for all those things I said. I was… upset about losing Nathaniel and took it out on the wrong person."

Serena's eyes were getting wider with every word Chuck uttered. _What words?_ Blair hadn't told her about anything except the text message to Gossip Girl, and that most definitely happened before "losing" Nate. She started to ask Chuck to clarify, but he interrupted quickly.

"Can't we just all forget this unpleasant phase in our lives and be friends again?"

Serena forgot herself for a second and snorted loudly enough to interrupt the ceremony. Everyone stared at her, and she blushed a deep shade of crimson, but then she saw Dan laughing silently and Blair fighting back a good-natured giggle and immediately felt better for providing entertainment. "Listen, Chuck, I will never be your **friend** again. Not after what you tried with me last year. And I highly doubt Blair will, either. So you better up your game, because your name will be nothing but a laughing-stock in this town by the time we're through with you." She couldn't believe she had heard herself correctly. Where was she getting all this delicious malice from? Blair had obviously been teaching her well.

Chuck's eyes narrowed immediately. "Have it your way, slut," he spat out quietly. Serena ignored the massive urge to grind his feet to a bloody pulp beneath her sharp 4-inch stilettos, and instead turned her full attention to her mother's "I do," spoken with perfect elegance and without a single trace of enjoyment.


	2. N and C 4ever

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Immediately after the wedding. Chuck and Nate have a heart-to-heart in the way only stoned boys can. This chapter has hints of CB and NS.

Author's Note: I plan to upload a chapter a day, if possible, and I would really appreciate any feedback you can give me. :)

**Ch. 2: N C 4ever**

After the terrible ordeal that was his father finally shedding his womanizing ways, Chuck had begged for permission to stay in his suite for the night with Nate. At first, his father had been adamant that they needed to remain a family for that one night before he and Lily left for their two-week honeymoon in the morning. But when Chuck played up the angle of leaving the two lovebirds for some pre-honeymoon canoodling, Serena joined in by offering to take herself and Erik over to Blair's for the night, and the parents (Chuck tried hard not to think that word in quotations) eagerly relented. _Thank God Bart Bass is good in bed_. Chuck grimaced at his own demented thoughts. He could already see Lily Van der Woodsen cared nothing for his father, but **something** was keeping her here, right? It sure wasn't the money, because she already had everything she could ever want. In fact, since her apartment had just been completely redecorated, it was the Basses who were moving into the Van der Woodsen household. As much as he hated to admit it, Chuck was kind of happy that his father was marrying Serena's mother—and not even for the perverted desire of trying out incest. He had never had a mother figure before, and while Lily was nowhere near anyone's ideal of motherhood, she was the closest he would ever come. As much as Chuck loved and admired his father, too many years alone with Bart Bass could account for more than one of his unforgivable flaws.

"Man, you're gonna have to let me start spending the night at your place soon," Nate's voice interrupted Chuck's thoughts and the smell of pot filled the Palace suite as he lit a joint.

"Why would you want to do that?" Chuck was glad to have Nate with him again, but he felt so spaced out right now (whether from fumes or family), he couldn't really concentrate on his best friend.

"Hello? You're living with _Serena Van der Woodsen _now. It may never work out between us, especially since she has that Dan kid, but I at least want to **look at her**," Nate laughed. He couldn't believe that in less than a month since their fallout, he was already able to sit around Chuck's suite and joke about girls. Even though Chuck's betrayal had hurt him more than anything he had ever experienced, the few weeks without the scarf-wearing bastard in his life had been too painful to even contemplate at this time. It wasn't like he had come running back, though. Nate had too much pride for that. He had, instead, found himself in the middle of Chuck and Blair's constant war with each other. Even though he hadn't been speaking to either one (nor had they been speaking to each other, for that matter), he could see the dirty looks they gave each other across the hall during assembly and in any classes they had together. In each of those bitter gazes, though, he had noticed something deeper, especially coming from Chuck. Whenever Blair turned her attention to another one of her victims, Nate could see Chuck's eyes linger on her retreating figure with a look Nate didn't even know how to describe. It was a look he was certain he himself had never given Blair before. Soon enough, Nate realized that when Chuck had refused to answer his accusatory "So you had feelings for her," it wasn't because he **hadn't**. It was because Chuck really had cared for Blair and couldn't deal with the rejection and the way it had all blown up in his face.

His newfound awareness of the situation hadn't been enough for Nate to forgive his friend, either, though. It had taken an attack from Blair Waldorf herself, which Chuck had maneuvered to prevent her from accomplishing, to make him see that regardless of what Chuck felt for Blair, he would put Nate first. Sleeping with Blair when they were broken up had just been a fluke. A fluke that wasn't even as bad as what Nate had done to Blair with Serena. And if Blair could forgive Serena without remorse, why couldn't he do the same? After all, he and Chuck had been friends just as long as the girls had.

"Nathaniel, my man. You're _still_ not over Serena? You have got to learn there are other fish in the sea," Chuck took the joint from Nate and inhaled a little for himself. He was relieved that Nate, flighty as ever, was acting as if he were completely over the Blair-hysteria that seemed to have overtaken him the moment he noticed she had found someone else. _Not that it will help __**you**__ any, dumbass_. Serena had made it perfectly clear that Blair was having nothing to do with him. He had tried to push her away in order to stay true to Nate in some way, and he had most certainly succeeded. Then again, when she came to him at the bar, she had made no secret about the fact that he was dead last to her; only something she would consider when everyone else abandoned her. And Chuck Bass was no one's last resort. _Oh, who the hell are you kidding?_ Chuck knew very well that if Blair came to him now and said, "Guess what, Bass? I'll take you for a night or two and won't give you any emotional investment in return," he would say yes in a heartbeat. Effing pride be damned.


	3. BS Confess

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Serena finally understands why Blair wants to destroy Chuck so badly, and Blair gets some ammunition to help her out…

Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews so far! Since I forgot to do this as of yet, I just wanted to remind everyone that (despite what you may have heard) I do not own Gossip Girl or any of the characters. I thank The Powers That Be everyday for the existence of Cecily von Ziegesar and Josh Schwartz, who help me avoid living my own life

**Ch. 3: BS / Confess**

After bribing Erik with way too many chocolates for his own good in exchange for the promise that he would leave them alone for the rest of the night, Serena silently polished her guns as best she could in order to extract a truth she had been hoping to receive from Blair.

"Did you see that exchange my dear step-brother and I had during my mother's unfortunate wedding?" Serena asked in her most offhand voice.

"Ugh," Blair rolled her eyes in her usual superior way, "don't tell me he was offering you another bath or something." She turned away and began picking at the grapes in front of her. Serena knew this was her chance—Blair always popped those grapes in her mouth when something was bothering her.

"Actually, we talked about _you_," she cautiously replied. Blair's eyes widened innocently in that familiar way, as if to deny any accusations before they came at her. She remained silent, however, which Serena took to be a sign that she was onto something. "He said he was really sorry for the things he told you and that he didn't mean them," she got it out as quickly as she could in order to get to the real meat. "**What** things he said, B?"

No response from Blair, who just shrugged nonchalantly and stared ahead blankly. _Of course,_ Serena thought, _what made me think I could ever get past the movie in her head?_

"I didn't know we still hid things from each other, B. What kind of friends does that make us?" she tried again. She really did mean that last part, but she tried to say it as if she were merely teasing. She definitely did not expect the reaction she got— Blair's eyes started watering a little and Serena immediately regretted making her feel bad, however accidental it was. Considering that Blair viewed Serena as her only real friend these days, how could she have been naïve enough to believe her words would have no effect?

"I was just so embarrassed, S. And this was just the last straw on top of everything else…" Blair heaved a huge sigh. In a way, she was relieved she would finally be able to share the pain she had felt. Yet, she still didn't want Serena to know that anything Chuck did or said hurt her. How would Serena react if she knew that not only had Blair _slept_ with Chuck Bass, she actually had _feelings_ for him? Gross. Her own thoughts caused her to unconsciously place her hands over her mouth. Had she really just admitted to herself that she cared about Chuck? _You have __**got**__ to be kidding me_, she chided herself.

Serena saw how strangely Blair was acting and put a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder. "It's okay, B. You can tell me anything, you know. I'll try my hardest not to judge."

Blair exhaled sharply before launching into her story. "Here's the thing, S: After you and I had that fight, which I can admit now was entirely my fault—"

Serena interrupted briefly to let out a guffaw of delight at such an unexpected concession, but quickly let Blair get back to her secret-spilling. She certainly didn't want to be in the way of a Waldorf when she was on a roll.

"I was pretty desperate for some sympathy from anywhere. And so, I went to look for Chuck. I mean, I figured we could have a good laugh over him winning the game and then get back to planning my rise to the top. Because, of course, Chuck would help me—he always had before," she paused briefly to think about how dumb she had been. She had thought Chuck did everything for his own pleasure, just to have one up on her. As soon as she deigned to forgive him, he would run back to her side like a lapdog, as snarky and as deliciously wicked as ever. Together they would have taken down the entire UES, and he would have even helped her win Nate back once and for all. But when she left his side, she realized she had been entirely wrong about everything. In his eyes there was such hate that, when compared with the defeat embodied in the rest of his demeanor, she could finally see that Chuck was never coming back to her in any capacity. Not only that, but the game she thought he had won wasn't a game at all to him. Maybe he really _did_ care and maybe she could have cared right back, but now it was all too late. His spiteful words had wounded her fragile psyche and there would be no turning back at this point.

Shaking her head as if to clear away the cobwebs of her mind, Blair continued, "When I informed him I was ready to…take him back, I guess…he got so angry. He told me I was no longer 'untouched' and that he didn't want me anymore. And that he couldn't see why anyone else would, either." She closed her eyes to stave off the fresh tears that threatened to come and felt Serena's arms wrap around her.

"Oh, B…Chuck's just a huge asshole, he doesn't know any better." That explanation didn't seem good enough, so she shifted tactics. How _dare_ Chuck Bass make Blair feel worthless for something he himself was guilty of by the very fact of his existence? "Besides, he has no right to say things like that. **Untouched**? What the hell? He's the biggest manwhore in Manhattan—you know that." Serena racked her brain for something that would ease the ridiculous guilt Blair had been feeling for the past month. Biting her lip, she resolved to tell Blair what Chuck had done to her when she first returned from boarding school. It would definitely make Blair feel better to know what a hypocrite Chuck was, right?

Little did she know how well that plan would work.


	4. Careful What You Wish For, B

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Blair whips out her claws and Chuck worries a little...

**Ch. 4: Careful What You Wish For, B**

Blair walked confidently through the Van der Woodsen-Bass apartment and strode up to the imposing door that led to Bart's office. Her delight at hearing what Chuck had done to Serena was a little unnatural perhaps, but it's not like she expected anything else from him. She was just pleased to finally have something concrete against him, and she was going to waste no time in using it. Maybe this wasn't her normal way of combating, but Chuck had evaded the blows she dealt him at school long enough. If she wasn't able to take him out of the Upper East Side social scene, she'd just have to settle for making his new home life hell. She pulled out her eye drops and made sure she looked suitably distraught before walking into what might be her greatest triumph yet.

Bart was deeply concentrated in his work, looking over a certain business proposal he was almost sure he would reject. He was counting down the hours before he'd be leaving on a jet plane to St. Thomas with his darling ladylove. Lily had been hoping to leave immediately after the wedding (_She's in such a hurry to be alone with me_, he thought, ever so pleased with himself), but Bart had had to disappoint his queen by informing her he just had one more thing to take care of before they could go off into their world of bliss. He looked up briefly to check the time and found himself face-to-face with a terrified-looking Blair Waldorf. Uncomfortably, he cleared his throat and looked inquiringly at the young lady before him.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt your work, Mr. Bass, and I know that you're in a hurry, but I think there's something you should know," Blair began breathlessly.

Bart was justifiably nonplussed. What could this girl, whom he had only ever exchanged vague pleasantries with, possibly have to say to him? But she was Serena's friend, after all, and he was determined to make a good impression on everyone connected to his new family. "No worries, Blair. Please continue."

"You might think that Serena has been acting a little less than enthusiastic about your marriage to Mrs. Van der Woodsen…"

Already Bart didn't like where this was heading. He had, of course, noticed than Serena's receptions to his fatherly advances were a little less than welcoming and far nearer to cold than he'd anticipated, but he had tried to avoid thinking about it as much as he could.

"The thing is, she really admires you and both of us think you're** perfect** for her mom. Which is why I, too, found it strange that she seemed so down all the time. When I finally confronted her about it last night, she confessed something horrible to me," Blair paused for dramatic effect, making sure that she was leaving her audience on the edge of their seats.

Bart felt himself growing impatient. What in the world was going on? "Well, tell me before I get too old," he chuckled in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

"It's Chuck!" She nearly squeaked out, "He tried to force himself on Serena last year, when she got back from boarding school. Ever since then, she's felt really uncomfortable around him, obviously. And it's been haunting her. Oh, Mr. Bass, you should have seen her face when she was telling me last night. It was just _awful_,"

Bart Bass almost literally turned to stone in his very seat. Unable to believe his ears or even move a muscle, he struggled to get out a simple, "Are you sure about this?"

Blair nodded very seriously and continued, "I know it's not really Chuck's fault. He just gets carried away sometimes, I'm sure."

Bart had never been so shocked in his life. He knew his son was basically a good-for-nothing troublemaker, and he never tired of reminding him of that very fact, but he couldn't understand how it had ever come to this. "Tell Serena she'll never have to worry about something like that again," he finally choked out. Regaining his composure, he simply stated, "Please, ask Charles to come see me on your way out. I'll take care of this."

* * *

Chuck sat staring at the walls of his new bedroom in wonder. It was a concept he didn't know if he would ever get used to. His father had definitively told him no more sleepovers at the Palace Hotel suite. He was now to come home every weeknight, at least, have dinner with "the family", and sleep in his own bed. Even more horrifying, Chuck would be _sharing_ the room with Erik Van der Woodsen. Obviously, this was a move by his beloved father to ensure he wouldn't be able to have any "guests" over. Not that he had even been in the mood to indulge in his womanizing ways lately. "It's not like there isn't enough space for me to have my own room," he had whined, but his father had remained firm, even after some slight protests from Lily (and, of course, more vehement ones from Erik). There was a knock at the door, and Chuck said, "Come in," without really caring who it was or what they wanted.

"I'd say it was good to see you, Bass, but you know how much I hate liars," Blair was standing in his doorway, smiling in that eerily pleasant way she had perfected over the years. So that you could never tell if she was about to kiss you or kill you.

Chuck felt his heartbeat speed up and silently tried to calm himself down. What could she be doing here? She was obviously here to see Serena, but then why had she specifically come to _his_ room? With all the thoughts flying around his head, he had forgotten to respond to her greeting. Quickly, and without thinking, he broke into his infamous smirk and raised his eyebrows at her. "Come to grovel, have we, Waldorf?" Immediately, he wanted to kick himself._What the hell is wrong with you? Like __**that's**__ going to make her want you._ Why was it he could never say the right thing when she was around? It was like he had contracted foot-in-the-mouth disease or something.

Blair's beautiful smile morphed into a malicious one as she spitefully replied, "I just had a little talk with your father, and he would like to see you right now." Then she practically skipped out of his room.

The blood drained from Chuck's face and he was suddenly overcome with fear. He knew he had to go see his father, but he felt rooted to the spot. He had no idea what Blair might have said, but he did know nothing good could come of it. When he finally forced his feet to walk in the direction of Bart Bass' office, he was nothing more than a prisoner being led to his execution.


	5. The S In Sister

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Serena lends Chuck a helping hand…

Author's Note: Worry not- just because I write something in a fanfic doesn't mean I think it would ever be plausible on the show. It's just that some characters are nebulous enough onscreen (in my humble opinion) that I feel a can tweak situations a little. Happy Valentine's Day!

**Ch. 5: The S In Sister**

Serena crept towards the boys' room in her apartment, hoping to find Chuck alone. She and Dan had outlined a semblance of a revenge plan for the young Bass that was meant to go into effect today. She wasn't so sure it would work out well, seeing as Blair had apparently been too busy to help them. The news about his indiscretion with Serena seemed to have changed her attitude so completely; she wasn't even worried about planning a comeback at the moment. While Serena couldn't be happier that her friend was more relaxed, she did wonder if the lack of bite in her bark would leave her own plan in shambles. At least she would be killing two birds with one stone if it worked, taking Wannabe Queen Hazel down with Chuck. Everyone and their mother's personal shopper knew that Hazel had it bad for the bad boy, and it wouldn't be too hard to get her alone with him. How much would being caught with the slimiest womanizer this side of Central Park damage her reputation? Especially after kicking Blair out of the clique for doing the exact same thing. And if it didn't work? _At least I'll have the satisfaction of watching one more girl bitch-slap him out of his sleazy ways. _

Serena felt a little guilty, as she knew she would never before have dreamed of doing something like this. Not even her wild, "bad" self would have purposely destroyed someone's social standing out of spite. She shook it off, though, telling herself it was all for Blair. Blair needed her right now and there was no way she was going to let her punk stepbrother (ugh, she _hated_ that word now) hurt her best friend again. It was still so hard to believe that Blair had somehow fallen for Chuck, whom Serena had never seen as more than an annoying scumbag. Perhaps on some occasions he had provided mild amusement, but that was it. _He must have been so different with her_, she thought obligingly. And, in fact, when she reflected back on the time period after she caught Blair and Chuck together, she realized Blair really **had** seemed happier. There had been a kind of glow around her doll-like features that definitely hadn't been present since before Serena left for boarding school. Serena had, at the time, attributed it simply to great sex (she at least couldn't deny that Chuck obviously had some moves, though she would never admit it out loud). Now, though, she wondered if there had been something more there all along which she had just refused to see. Serena never understood how Chuck's general attitude and come-ons didn't faze Blair one bit. And whenever Blair had a problem, she might go to Serena for comfort (unless the problem was Serena herself), but she would **always** turn to Chuck for solutions. Blair was, after all, the only girl Chuck seemed to have any respect for—until last month, that is. _Too bad he had to go and ruin it all_, she thought, sensing something like regret running through her mind.

She quietly opened the door to Chuck's room, ready to avert her eyes in case of any nudity, but was instead met with the surprise of his absence. Where could he have gone? She knew he was in the house somewhere. Silently thanking her lucky stars that she at least had a little more time to prepare, she made her way through the apartment. Eventually she decided to call for the dog: "Chu-uck…Here, little Chuckles…" As she was giggling at her own wit, she passed by her stepfather's office and heard the unmistakable sounds of Chuck…_whimpering_, something she probably hadn't heard since they were in kindergarten and he scraped his knee on the sidewalk chasing after Blair. That torturous noise was quickly followed by a thumping and the muffled sound of Bart yelling. Serena felt her stomach lurch and threw the door opening with lightning speed.

The scene that greeted her was unbelievably ugly by any stretch of the imagination. Chuck was curled up on the ground in a fetal position, covering his face with his hands, while Bart towered over his son, kicking him hard in the stomach. There were already bruises on his arms and, through his fanned-out fingers, she could see he had purchased himself yet another black eye. Serena took one millisecond to get over the initial shock and then immediately sprang into action, pushing Bart back as hard as she could and helping Chuck to his feet.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She screamed at her stepfather, glaring at him with nothing but pure hatred in her eyes.

"Get out of here, Serena. I'm fine," Chuck said angrily, struggling to escape from her awkward embrace. He had never been more embarrassed in his life.

"Shut up, Chuck," she responded, her tone much kinder than her words. "I need you to go to your room, okay?"

Chuck had no idea what came over him, but for once in his life, he was more than glad to follow someone else's orders. With one last look at his father, mixed with all the pain and admiration of the last 17 years of his life, he quietly shuffled out of the office to stretch out on his bed.

"Serena," Bart began with as calm an air as he could muster, "I'm sorry you had to see that." The way her nostrils flared made him think he'd better have an explanation ready fast. "…I was just trying to protect you. The way he behaved—"

"**Protect** me?!" Serena cut him off, practically spitting in his face, "I don't need that kind of protection, _sir_." She saw the unmistakable fear in his eyes, and added in a voice dripping with disgust, "Don't worry, asshole. I'm not going to tell my mom—this time—but just because I want to be around to keep an eye on you."

Bart narrowed his eyes. Was this girl threatening him after everything he had done for her and her brother? He had kept her from getting **expelled**, for goodness sake. He started to respond, summing up the authoritarian demeanor that worked so well on his son, but he was once again interrupted.

"But if you even _think_ about touching him," she continued with a menacing air she hadn't ever used except with Chuck himself, "you'll never see my mother—or your son—ever again." With that, she stormed out, leaving Bart Bass to re-evaluate his entire career as an Upper East Side parent.


	6. D Don't Judge

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Dan and Chuck try to bond...

Author's Note: I just decided to change one line, because I realized from one of the comments that it was a little ambiguous. This is why reviews are so helpful :D

**Ch. 6: D Don't Judge**

Dan paced back and forth in Chuck's Palace Hotel suite, mentally going over his part in Serena's master plan once more. He didn't know how in the world he would ever get Hazel to speak to him willingly, given that she was possibly more condescending and ruder than even Blair Waldorf herself, but Serena assured him that bringing up Chuck's name would put him in the clear. _What happened to not being a part of this world, Humphrey?_ He had been reproaching himself non-stop ever since he had agreed to help out his girlfriend and her best friend.

From the moment he found himself wrapped up in the glitz and glamour of Serena Van der Woodsen's lifestyle, he had made a silent promise to remain the moral compass—keeping Serena from returning to her old ways and stopping himself from ever becoming like those rich kids he despised. And yet, here he was, staking out Chuck Bass' suite in order to lure a girl in here and then (he cringed) **videotape** whatever would happen. _How close is this to illegal? _He wondered bitterly,_ Because I'm pretty sure that ship has already sailed._ Vanessa had already come by earlier in the day to set up the camera equipment. Dan was glad to have a friend like her, who would do him huge favors without asking any questions. Because you can be sure, if she had asked, he would have broken down. Then not only would he be unable to help Serena, he would have had to listen to a guilt-inducing hour-long lecture from Vanessa on all the ways he'd "changed". It's not like Dan was proud of the things he was doing, but he loved Serena and knew that Blair's happiness was number one on her list of priorities. _This is what you get, Dad, for telling me to jump with both feet in_.

His treatise on morality was interrupted as the door flew open to reveal a very harried Serena supporting the weight of a young man whose head was literally wrapped in a red, maroon and cream checkered scarf. Chuck had refused to step foot outside the apartment for fear someone would recognize him and see his currently less-than-flattering features—it was important to remember that, no matter what, fashion always comes first. For that reason, Serena was forced to drag him out against his will and throw his scarf over him for good measure. Not that the situation was somehow made any better by using such a shoddy disguise—if you didn't recognize that scarf, you didn't know who Chuck Bass was and were therefore of no importance.

"Okay, Serena?" Dan could hardly contain his laughter. "I didn't know we were going to **kidnap** him." Already this was shaping up to be better than expected.

After closing the door and shooting Dan a look he couldn't begin to describe, Serena pulled the scarf off Chuck's head. Dan's eyes practically fell out of his head when he got a load of the bruises all over his archenemy's face.

"Oh, my God. Did you hire a hit man or something?" The tired look Chuck gave him clued him in that this was no laughing matter, so he backpedaled a bit. "No time for jokes, got it. What happened?"

Serena started to explain briefly ("Chuck's dad got a little out of hand..."), but Chuck took over with a brisk, "I'd prefer we just not discuss this. Thanks." As snappy as the last word sounded, there was a vague sense of real gratitude behind it.

His stepsister ushered him to the bed and then turned to her boyfriend, sighing, "I'm afraid we've got to call the whole thing off, Dan." As if that wasn't already painfully obvious. Unable to decide between a sense of complete relief at not being arrested and disappointment at being powerless to use his newfound skills of evil, Dan went over to the hidden camera and turned it off with a bit of a pout.

Forgetting the situation she found herself in for a second, Serena went over and pecked Dan lightly on the cheek, "And I know you were so looking forward to playing spy. Another time, okay?"

Dan gave her his best puppy-dog grin and kissed her back full on the lips before turning his attention to Chuck, feeling a little like an asshole for not knowing how to react to something like this. "So, I guess I'm not the only one who gives you black eyes, huh?" The words were mocking, but his voice was sincere and apologetic.

Noticing the camera and still not ready to discuss anything with Dan _Humphrey_, Chuck remarked instead, "It's really too bad. I've always wanted to have my performance on live video feed. For the world's viewing pleasure, you know." He couldn't put away his attitude for even a moment, regardless of his vulnerable position. This time, though, the other two were too busy pitying him to even pretend to be disgusted. Unable to take their looks any longer, he rolled his eyes good-naturedly and finally replied, "Please don't go all mushy on me, Humphrey. Can someone just get me a first aid kit?"

Serena rushed out to do his bidding, feeling for the first time like Chuck Bass really was her brother. Unfortunately, this left Dan in the awkward position of having to be alone in a room with his least favorite person in the world. And the worst part of it all was that this nemesis he was now face to face with was dealing the final blow to burst his rich-kids-have-it-so-much-better balloon. Now he would be forced to firmly place himself in the rich-kids-have-problems-too camp. And being Dan Humphrey, he just **had** to make some small talk about it.

"So, let me get this straight," Dan began, ignoring the slight groan from Chuck that so clearly said, _Is this trash really talking to me?_ (Or maybe it said, _Oww, I'm in pain_). "Blair's dad left his wife for a younger man, Serena's mother is a serial monogamist, Nate's dad is an embezzling coke addict, and your dad beats you?"

Chuck shrugged. He didn't want to partake in any witty banter at the moment, but at least Dan's blabbering distracted him from the pain and mortification. It's always helpful to talk to people a little worse off than you on the social ladder. "Do you have a point?" He asked in a bored voice once Dan had finished listing off the problems of the entire Upper East Side.

"No. I've just never been so happy to be living in a shitty loft in Brooklyn."

"Whatever. Quit acting like your sister's not a—"

"Dude. I don't care how bad I feel for you right now, I have no problems punching you in the face again."


	7. C Gets His Game On

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Chuck turns the tables on Blair...

Author's Note: Sorry my chapters are so short, kids, but it's the only way I can update as often as possible. Thanks so much for all your reviews so far!

**Ch. 7: C Gets His (Game On)**

Serena was finishing up nursing Chuck's wounds and Dan was busy unplugging all of Vanessa's video equipment (a process which left him more often than not strangled by various wires) when there was a sharp knock on the door. "Open up, guys, it's me!" Blair's voice rang out from the other side.

Chuck's eyebrows shot up, "What the hell?" He whispered angrily, nearly in a panic. "Not only did you guys illegally trespass on my property and set up spying equipment, but you've been using my room as some kind of meeting place?"

Dan chuckled, pleased that there was at least **someone** in the world who could make Chuck lose his cool, "Can it, Bass. You're not supposed to be here yet."

"Damn right I'm not. You think I want…anymore people to see me like this?" The very thought of Blair's pitying face sent chills down his spine, but he could not bring himself to admit that she was the only person he was worried about. He could see in Serena and Dan's eyes that they already knew the truth, and it made him want to do something drastic to get the idea out of their heads. But as long as he didn't confirm it for them, Blair would never find out, right?

Serena stood in front of him, trying to cover the view. "Quick Dan, you open the door. Chuck, curl into a ball and hide behind me. And I'll just pretend like I can't move from this spot."

Dan opened the door and let in a very pleased Blair, who chirped, "I don't even think you guys need to continue with whatever little 'plan' you had going on here." She spoke the word plan with so much disdain, it made Dan want to vow never to help her with anything again. "Chuck Bass is never going to want to cross me again," she continued with a triumphant gleam in her eye.

Both Dan and Serena's eyes widened in disgust and horror, respectively. Did Blair not realize what she was responsible for? Trying to keep her cool, Serena calmly asked Blair to explain to what she was referring.

"Oh, I just had a little chat with Bart Bass and let him know how horribly his son treated you, S," Blair gave a sympathetic smile to let her friend know she did partially have her best interests at heart.

This revelation put Dan in a bit of a pickle. On the one hand, he was enraged that Blair had caused Chuck's temporary deformation, but on the other he wanted to beat the boy up himself for this vaguely threatening thing he had done to Serena (not to mention what happened with his sister, Jenny). He settled for a simple clenching of his fist and remained silent.

Serena was not so complacent, however. "How could you do that, B? You have no idea what Bart could have done to Chuck!" As much as she wanted move aside and show Blair the consequences of her actions, she knew Chuck would not be at all grateful and decided to stay put and respect her step-brother's feelings. _At least this ordeal has confirmed he __**has**__ feelings_, she mused.

Blair smirked disbelievingly. "Oh, please," she laughed, "He probably just had the limo taken away or something. Maybe he won't be allowed to bring any more whores into your home." She shrugged off the disapproving looks of her friend(s) and concluded, "The point is, I officially get to close this chapter once and for all. Chuck's going to be so torn up about losing daddy's approval, there isn't any more he can do."

Positioned carefully behind Serena, Chuck gave a little smirk of his own. As outraged as he was that she had sabotaged him in this way, he also felt immensely pleased that this could work out to his advantage. Although part of him couldn't bear the thought of Blair Waldorf seeing him in this weakened state, the rest of him knew just how bad she would feel when she saw what had happened to him. Maybe even bad enough for her to forget his verbal faux pas and reveal how she truly felt about him. He tried summoning up all his courage, because he knew he'd never get this great of a chance to both get back at her and get her back at the same time.

"Wow, Blair. I never realized how immature you were until this very moment," Dan grumbled. He never thought he'd be one to side with Chuck Bass on _anything_, and this was probably the most disturbing part of the whole situation.

"Excuse me, aren't you the one who still keeps Cedric on his bed, Cabbage Patch?" Blair retorted nastily, starting to march up toward him for a verbal spat. This move caused Serena to shift her station a bit to keep Chuck hidden, which he took as his golden opportunity.

"Don't worry, sis. I can handle this."

Chuck's voice, one she hadn't really listened to in about a month, washed over Blair like a flood and she unconsciously shivered. Suddenly, his bruised face (with traces of dried blood on his lower lip) appeared in her direct line of sight, hitting her like a hard punch to the gut. Blair let out a huge gasp; she couldn't help it. Without anyone having to explain anything, she immediately understood what had happened. How could she have been so blind? Bart Bass was the one person in the world Chuck was scared of, and now she knew why. She stood frozen in place for a few seconds, trying to process the scene in front of her.

"Guess you were right. Game over, B," Chuck remarked with all the bitterness he could muster. Because the truth was, he didn't feel bitter at all right now. The look of horror on Blair's face and the tears welling up in her eyes told him everything he needed to know. This wasn't a game, but he had still won once and for all. He tried his hardest to contain his satisfaction as he imagined what might come next. Thankfully, he didn't have to imagine for long.

Blair wanted to apologize for the havoc she had wreaked, but the self-righteous voice inside told her she only did what she had to in order to protect herself. Even more, she wanted _him_ to apologize for his hurtful words at the bar and all the anguish they caused, just so she wouldn't hate herself for still caring about him. She opened her mouth to say she was sorry, but she couldn't do it. She thought about staying headstrong and writing him off forever right now, but she knew how wrong that would be. Somehow, even at this moment, she was torn between heartfelt contrition and biting wit. There was no way any words would come to her right now, because there _were_ no words that would enable her to explain anything, to make it better. Forgetting all of the past and other people in the room, she just followed her instinct and walked with great deliberation towards Chuck. She took hold of his scarf and pulled him into her, giving him the longest, most passionate kiss she had in her while ignoring his stifled yelps of pain. Pretty soon he gave in and cupped her face hard in his hands, deepening the intensity. Taking a breath finally, she stepped back, caressed his face gently and gave him that same smile he both loved and hated. Leaning in closely, she whispered in his ear, "Game's not over 'till I say it is."


	8. NBC Is All About Order

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Chuck sets some ground rules…

Author's Note: I know where I want to end up with the story, but I don't know how many chapters it's going to take me to get there, so I hope you can forgive the pacing.

**Ch. 8: NBC Is All About Order**

Dan mimed throwing up at the sight of the newly reconciled lovebirds. The idea that Chuck Bass could ever maintain a real relationship or even be the object of anyone's affection was more than a little unsavory to him. He would never forgive the guy for hurting his little sister, but at least Blair was strong enough to make him a better man. Unable to believe he had just thought something so corny, he turned to Serena and made a face, hoping she was feeling just as grossed out as he was. To his surprise, she looked almost blissful. _Women_, he shook his head, laughing to himself.

"Guess we know now what we look like to everyone else, huh?" He winked at his girlfriend.

Serena threw him a dazzling smile, grabbed his hand and started walking backwards out of the suite. "Guess we'll just have to go where no one is watching," she whispered flirtatiously. Out loud, she said, "We'll just—erm, leave you two alone now…" She trailed off, before yanking Dan's arm and practically _apparating_ out of the suite to do some making up (or out, however you would like to see it) of their own.

* * *

Blair felt dizzy with joy. She rarely knew that incredible sensation of just giving in to everything you ever wanted. She had wanted Chuck, but thought his reputation would pull her down. Then, when she no longer had that reputation, she had tried to get him back by making him feel even smaller than she felt in that moment because then at least she'd have her self-respect. Of course, that had failed her, so she held onto her pride and told herself that was all she needed. But who cares about pride when you can just let go and have all the fun you want? That was what Serena always did—it was what Blair envied the most, what she had tried to tell her best friend over and over again. She giggled to herself and pulled Chuck in for another kiss, breathing in that natural musk she always pretended disgusted her so.

Chuck wanted to keep on kissing Blair forever (and do more, _so_ much more), but already that little voice his head had so recently acquired was screaming, "Stop it! Don't you care at **all** about Nate?" His was pounding so hard he thought he might explode, but even that was no match for the headache his conscience was giving him. Why did he have to go and develop feelings and actual humanity? He knew couldn't have a repeat of the past semester, though. Nate had always been number one in his life, and just because Blair had managed to somehow find her way onto the list of things he cared about, that didn't mean Nathaniel could be unceremoniously booted out. Chuck was going to do everything right this time.

Tenderly as an aroused Bass could ever manage, he pushed Blair away from him. Averting his own eyes so he could avoid looking into the inquisitive hurt of hers, he said firmly, "This can't happen right now, B."

Blair tried to pass it off as a joke, lightly exclaiming, "What, your jaw hurts too much or something? I never knew you were one to let a little bit of pain get in the way of your fun, Bass."

He gave her a small smiled , but resolutely declared, "Nothing can happen between us until I've talked to Nathaniel. Those are my rules."

She looked at him with more than a little wonder. "Wow, I'm impressed. You've sure gone and changed on me." She picked herself up off of him and quietly smoothed out her dress with her hand, as if brushing off this latest rejection. When she looked up, a strangely heartbreaking smile was glued to her face.

The look she gave him made him want to take back everything he just said. Blair was what he wanted, so why would he care about anyone else? Ah, but he had to pick now to let his heart grow three sizes, so he kept his strong stance. "For now, can we just call a truce?" He held out his pinkie finger, hoping Blair would remember a pact they hadn't tried in ages.

She laughed in spite of herself. How was it he could remember such a dumb game from when they were 10? She locked pinkies with him, "Pinkie swear, pinkie swear. If I don't really swear…"

"I get to cut off all your hair," Chuck finished her sentence, adding a mischievous growl at the end for flourish. Immediately he thought better of it and turned it into a hacking cough. _Not the time, man,_ he reprimanded himself.

Blair let go of his hand and jumped off the bed in order to find Dan and Serena, all the while attempting to cover her disappointment. She had, after all, gotten into this mess through lies and deceit. Wouldn't it be better to get out using the truth? Nate would forgive her like he'd forgiven Chuck, and it could go back to being the four of them—like it was before Serena ever skipped town. Well, not _just_ the four of them, as they'd have to make room for Cabbage Patch in there somewhere. Then again, she didn't know why she **needed** Nate's forgiveness, when he was the one who had lied to her for an entire year and then thrown her away the minute she made one mistake. He hadn't even stopped to ask her if she really _was_ pregnant. That's how much she meant to him. Maybe she would let Chuck gain Nate's approval to keep up appearances, and then she'd be able to keep twisting the knife using his best friend until Nate Archibald came back _begging_ to be part of her and Serena's lives again. It was clear to her that Chuck was still under her spell, so it wouldn't be too hard to get him to do her bidding on this, right?

She didn't have to go far to find the two horn-dogs; they were against a wall making out in the hallway. "Gross!" She cried, hoping to wake them from their dream world, "Is it really that hard to find a room?"

"You can use mine!" Chuck called from his bed, "Just as long as you keep that video equipment here, so I can watch."

All three of them rolled their eyes. Looks like some things about Chuck will never change. Serena released Dan from her vixen's grip long enough to saunter back into the suite. "Do you need anything before I return to the hell-hole?" She inquired kindly.

"Nah…" Chuck brushed off her concern, but realized he did need one thing from her. "Just…can you **not** tell Lily about all this?"

Serena observed him questioningly. She would have thought he'd want his dad in trouble.

"I mean, I don't want her to leave him or anything. Just when you and I were working our way towards that bath..." he finished lamely, but it was all Serena needed to understand what he meant. At this point, Chuck _needed_ Lily Van der Woodsen. And Serena certainly wouldn't be the one to take that away from him.

"Anything for you, bro," she winked. Then she, Dan, and Blair walked off to their respective destinations for the evening. The last of the three cast one final sidelong glance at Chuck before closing the door to 1812 and leaving him alone to obsess over how he would break the news to his best friend.


	9. Got Forgiveness, N?

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Chuck freaks internally; Nate reminisces…

**Ch. 9: Got Forgiveness, N?**

Watching_ Jumper_ at the 72nd Street AMC was not how Chuck had planned to spend what might possibly be his last evening with Nate. He couldn't stop fidgeting throughout the film, barely able to concentrate on anything plot-related. He had picked a movie on a whim, thinking he would have time to prepare in the silence for whatever big speech he would give afterwards. The truth was, absolutely no inspiration had come to him. What the hell was he going to say? _Hey, Nate, just wondering: can I betray you again?_ As they walked out of the theatre, Chuck decided to give up the charade entirely and tell Blair later that night that he had simply failed. Thankfully, Nate slapped his shoulder and began speaking before his thoughts drifted to ritual suicide.

"Man, will Hayden Christensen **never** get his mojo back after _Star Wars_? I definitely need a joint after that mess." He pulled out some grass and rolling paper, offering to let Chuck do the honors. He was always better at that sort of thing, anyway.

"No, thanks, Nate." Chuck was way too nervous to even consider getting high at the moment. It was ridiculous that he felt this way—none of his sins had ever caused him a moment's guilt before, and here he was basically falling apart over nothing. The thing was, he had always prided himself on being a good friend to Nathaniel, no matter how messed up he was in every other area of his life. But Blair had changed all that. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to say the words he already regretted.

Nate's ears perked up at the sound of Chuck using his preferred name. This only ever happened in the moments when his friend felt like he was no longer Nate's number one guy. Immediately upon hearing the words, "We really need to talk, man…" Nate knew the 'talk' referred to Chuck's undefined and awkward feelings for Blair. He wanted to be with her and was going to ask Nate's permission. _Could my life get any more ridiculous?_ He wondered a little bitterly. Of course he wanted Chuck to be happy, and he had already thrown Blair's devotion back in her face, so what right did he have anymore in her love life? Yet, somehow, he always felt that no matter what they went through, Blair would always be **his**. She would be his in the way Serena never could be, no matter what his feelings were for either girl at the time.

It had been Nate Archibald and Blair Waldorf since kindergarten, or so everyone kept telling him. When it came down to it, he really couldn't remember all their times together, or what she had looked like when he first saw her. Strangely enough, he vividly recalled the flash of blonde hair on the first day of school, and the ridiculously expensive jeans with a gaping hole at the knee on the playground on weekends. Serena had been kind of a tomboy, while Blair always walked alongside her primly, sporting poofy dresses with bows all over the place.

Deep in reminiscences, he could visualize Blair's notebook covers, always full of scribbles that read "Mrs. Blair Archibald" or had both their names doodled together in a heart with an arrow through it, and even now thinking of them filled him with an emotion far removed from disgust. It was more like security. Here was a girl, he had thought, who would be there for him through everything, catering to his every whim. He could admit now that, while he had always returned her affections to some extent, he had certainly taken advantage of them. Maybe Chuck would be better for her. After all, he was the one that had always known what Nate should do when Blair was angry. Nate was the one who never understood their inside jokes. All he had gotten out of Blair were sweet nothings and kissy faces, because when she really wanted to discuss something she always went to Chuck. Just then, Chuck's voice filtered through his hazy mind.

"…Now, I know I've done some pretty unforgivable things lately, but you've got to understand that I meant what I said. You _are_ the most important person in my life. Aside from money, you're all I have, really. So if you say no, it's no." Chuck exhaled in relief. He felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. He had worded his request (for lack of a better term) as carefully as possible and was now determined to face the consequences. The blank look on Nathaniel's face, however, was—while not the sign of inevitable doom Chuck had been expecting—not very comforting.

"I actually have _no_ idea what you just said, Chuck," Nate admitted sheepishly. Before his friend could protest, Nate squeezed the nape of his neck endearingly. "I'm sure you're after our little Blair, though."

Chuck's eyes widened as Nate wordlessly nodded his head in approval. How was it possible that the very thing that had almost destroyed their friendship just a month ago was so easy to overcome today? _Maybe it has to do with the lack of tricks and deceptions this time around_, his inner voice remarked sarcastically. If he had known it would be this easy, he would never have had to lose Blair and Nate in the first place. He was overcome with the urge to give his best friend, even more of his best friend now, a huge hug. He suppressed it, though. Because no matter how close they were, a man-hug would never feel comfortable.

"I just have one favor to ask," Nate suddenly piped up.

"Anything for you, Nathaniel," Chuck responded sincerely.

"Could you just work on breaking up Serena and Dan?"

Chuck let out that single breath of a laugh that he used whenever brilliant ideas came to him. He might suck royally at apologies and honesty, but total relationship destruction? Now **there** was something he could do.


	10. Will B Play With Herself?

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Blair raises the stakes…

Author's Note: I think some of you guys' suggestions for what happens next might be better than what I actually wrote, but bear with me. ;)

**Ch. 10: Will B Play With Herself?**

Chuck ordered himself to walk, not run, at a leisurely pace to Blair's apartment to inform her of his success. So focused was he on not appearing like an excited puppy dog when he arrived, that he completely forgot he had a limo at his disposal that would have gotten him there much faster and left him far less out of breath. When the elevator door finally opened to her floor after what seemed like an eternity, Chuck walked in to find Blair sitting expectantly on the couch, nervously wringing her hands. Was she _waiting_ for him? Chuck could hardly contain his self-satisfied glee, but opted to give Blair a moment to prepare herself instead of gloating like he was wont to do. He stepped back into the elevator and called out from inside, "Honey, I'm home!"

This time, when he stepped into the foyer, a very different picture greeted him. Blair was stretched out across the couch, with her cream lounging robe draped over her slender figure like so much Chinese silk, reading the latest issue of Vogue. She looked like an angel, if angels were actually the Devil himself in disguise, and it was all Chuck could do to keep himself from ravishing her then and there._ Wouldn't want Eleanor to walk in_, he reminded himself quickly. Eleanor Waldorf did not have the highest regard for Chuck or his family, probably because of that time Chuck flushed Blair's perfectly healthy goldfish down the toilet as a joke when they were 10. Or maybe just because Bart Bass was too_ nouveau riche_ for her tastes. Apparently, she couldn't stand the thought of anyone pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps. What was your money worth if you weren't born into it, right?

Blair literally counted to ten in her head before she deigned to raise her eyes to meet Chuck's. "Yes?" She asked dismissively, as if she hadn't spent the last three hours waiting hand and foot by the door, simultaneously praying for and dreading his arrival.

"I spoke to Nathaniel," he announced, keeping all emotion out of his voice. Where would the fun be in telling her straight out? She got to pretend she hadn't been expecting him, but there was no way he was going to let her get away with not caring about the outcome of his conversation with Nate.

"Oh," Blair nodded. "How nice for you." Her brain was buzzing with the different possibilities, but she bit her lip to prevent any of her questions from escaping. She had played by Chuck's rules long enough (3 hours was far longer than she'd ever played by any rules other than her own, in fact)—now it was her turn.

Chuck smirked and turned back towards the entrance. "I thought you'd be interested to know how it turned out, but I guess I was wrong." He started walking to the elevator, but with slow, deliberate steps. Blair would obviously stop him before he pressed the button to leave. He waited for a few seconds before stealing a glance in her direction, but she was studiously absorbed in an article about Kate Bosworth's effortless chic. He groaned inwardly—Blair Waldorf was going to test his endurance like no girl he had ever known.

Blair heard the elevator ping and then slide shut. She exhaled sharply, a little dismayed that Chuck had just walked out on her without a second thought. She thought about running out after him, but that would defeat the whole purpose. "Damn it," she whispered softly.

"You've got to get better at this, sweetheart," Chuck teased, popping out from behind the sofa and surprising her with a swift kiss on the neck.

Blair rolled her eyes, but didn't mind losing as much as she thought she would. "Just tell me what happened before I snap off your pretty head."

Chuck described their conversation and Blair hid both her growing excitement and that mild sinking sensation rather well. The way Chuck was going on about Nate's trust and friendship did not bode well for her fantasy world. You know, the one where she and Chuck became the UES power couple that took everyone—especially Nate Archibald—down in flames. She pushed her uncertainty to the back of her mind, and replied in a brisk tone, "I'm glad you and your lover boy had some quality time before you have to burn that bridge again."

His jaw actually dropped, "W-what are you talking about, Blair?" He heard himself stutter but couldn't stop it from happening. Somehow he had let himself believe Blair would drop the revenge act because she wanted to be with him. Was he really that dumb?

"Oh, come on, honey," she responded with a saccharine sweetness she did not feel. Panic was rising in her throat. She refused to relinquish her crown to effing Hazel, and for some reason she felt that meant Nate had to go down. Chuck would never be able to take Nate's place as king unless the latter were completely out of the picture. Her friends (once they were her friends again, that is) would never accept it. "You _know_ everything Nate has put me through. He has to pay for the damage he's done. And you're going to make sure of it."

Her words made Chuck's blood run cold. "So that's what this is, huh? You're **still** using me to get your precious Nathaniel back." His jaw clenched and there was a hateful fire mixed with absolute despair in his eyes. How many times could he fall for the same damn thing? Seething with disgust and rage, he headed for the exit as fast as he could.

_Oh, shit_. She tried to explain that it wasn't like that at all, but part of her knew Chuck was right. He was always right, because he knew her too well. She'd just done it again, hadn't she? She couldn't stop trying to force her life back into the 'perfect' shape it once held. She had Chuck now—more importantly, she _wanted_ him—but the control-freak part of her wanted to make sure she could still have Nate, too. Acting quickly to ameliorate the situation, Blair tried to stop him from walking out. "Chuck, please, I didn't mean it like that…" She reached out and grabbed his arm, but he wrenched himself away. She shut her eyes then to steel herself against his next move. It was time to close herself up again and pretend none of this mattered, except as a small obstacle on her way back to the top.

"I can't believe I ever thought you could care about anyone other than yourself," Chuck spat out. "You're more of a cold-hearted bitch than I am." With that, he stepped inside the elevator and went down to the lobby, ignoring the burning sensation in his eyes, as Blair's final words rang out in his ears:

"You better hope Nate can help you fight, because this means war, Chuck Bass!"


	11. S Avoids Her Past Again

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Nate goes backwards while Serena tries to move forward…

Author's Note: Just a heads up, this chapter deals mainly with the underdeveloped Dan/Serena/Nate aspect of the Gossip Girl world.

**Ch. 11: S Avoids Her Past. Again.**

Serena sat on the edge of the bed in her spacious bedroom (thank _God_ they had finally gotten out of the stuffy Palace), absent-mindedly biting her nails. She had just received a call from a very distraught Blair, who had informed her Chuck was not yet out of the clear. Her friend sounded like she might have been crying, but was putting up a strong front, as usual. _What the hell did you do this time, Chuck? _She was confused and even angry, almost as if the injury had been directed at her. Everything seemed to be going so well when they had all been at the Palace Suite, but now it was back to square one._ Don't tell me they're going to be one of __**those**__ couples_, she prayed wearily. Serena hadn't had the heart to tell Blair she didn't want to be involved in any further torturing of her newly acquired step-brother, so she had just let Blair rant and agreed to do whatever was necessary. Nevertheless, it would be better for Serena to be involved 100 percent in all payback action from now on. She didn't want a repeat of Blair's last 'triumph.'

She heard a soft knock on the door and, figuring it was Blair finally come to tell her what really happened, quickly went over to open it. Instead, she found herself inches away from Nate Archibald, with whom she hadn't had a real interaction since he didn't show up for Blair's birthday. _Oh, shit_, was the only thought that ran through her mind over and over again, because she could see from the look in his eyes that he was thinking the same thing. Except his thoughts were for a different reason. After standing completely motionless and shell-shocked for a couple of seconds, Serena recovered and opened the door wider, inviting him to come inside. He closed the door behind him and she desperately wanted to open it back up, but she didn't wish to seem rude.

"Hey, Serena," he almost whispered in that smooth yet masculine voice of his, "It's been awhile." Seeing her here before him after so long, all flesh and bone instead of part of some sick fantasy of his, brought back all the memories he had suppressed while with Blair. The Shepherd wedding was the most painfully bright one, but he couldn't get all those Thanksgivings and Christmases out of his mind, either. Or that week they had spent on his couch, playing his new Xbox while Blair was in Paris for her mom's fashion debut. He had to physically stop himself from touching her delicate skin or playing with her golden hair. The French maid outfit she wore for Halloween of 2005, which earned her a great deal of molestation from Chuck and some silent adoration from Nate himself. The chicken noodle soup she made for him when he got pneumonia in 7th grade. It tasted like cardboard and smelled a little too much like piss, but he had eaten it and enjoyed it because it had been a token of her affection. He remembered all the jealousy that coursed through his veins whenever Serena had a new man in her life. Her 'relationships' never lasted more than a week, but he didn't know what to do with himself every time he'd see her with some other guy. So he'd just turn back to Blair and kiss her a little harder than before.

"What are you doing here, Nate?" Her voice broke through his thoughts and brought him back down to earth. Serena shifted uncomfortably in the chair she had moved to in order to be as far away from the bed as possible. Just her luck, he came and sat down in the chair next to hers, looking down at his hands and obviously wanting to reach out and touch hers.

"I just thought…we could talk or something. Be friends again." He stressed the word friends slightly, just so she would know he wasn't here for any lascivious reason—even if that was kind of a lie. First things first, of course. He had to win Serena's trust back before he could ever again try something.

She sighed, her heart going out to Nate but her mind firmly set in stone. "You know that if Blair ever found out we were talking, she'd be furious. She's my best friend, and you _really_ hurt her."

He clenched his fist, unable to take it anymore. "She has Chuck now! Why can't she just let things lie?" But he knew that was a dumb question. Was Blair Waldorf **ever** one to 'let things lie'?

Serena laughed not unkindly, obviously agreeing with his unspoken words wholeheartedly. "First off, from the looks of our last phone conversation, I'd say she _doesn't_ have Chuck right now. Secondly, like Blair could ever do that."

The news about Chuck threw Nate off for a second, and his posture slumped slightly in telepathic commiseration with his friend. Chuck might be able to get Nate through any crisis, but he sure didn't know how to fend for himself out there in the world of Blair. He got back on track, though, and tried another tactic with Serena. "Look, I know you're with Dan right now…but I just can't stop thinking about you—"

Before he could get any further in his sweeping romantic confession, she clamped her hand over his mouth and said, in a sweet yet agitated voice, "Love isn't some kind of merry-go-round, Nate. You can't keep going around from me to Blair and back again and then expect us both to be waiting when you get off."

He took her creamy-white hand in his own and caressed it softly, "I know I don't have the greatest track record here, but I'm ready to admit it's always been you." Serena looked worriedly over to the bathroom and tried to pull her hand away, but Nate held onto it as if for dear life. "You can say I was just another 'mistake' in your messed up life if you want, but I know you felt something that night, too. That you've felt something as long as I have."

"Nate, I…" she was at a loss for words. She couldn't deny she **had** held a torch for him throughout her youth, but there were always other things, other _people_ to think about. There had been Blair, and now there was Dan.

Nate shook his head, letting her know words weren't going to cut it anymore. He brushed her cheek lightly with the back of his hand and leaned in to kiss her. Before she had time to even think about pulling away or not, the bathroom door flew open and out walked her boyfriend, Dan Humphrey.

Serena jumped away from Nate like she was playing leapfrog, and Nate tried to maintain his cool, but failed miserably. _Why am I such a tool? _He thought to himself, almost smiling at his unbelievably bad timing. Dan just stared at them both, not in shock but with a little bit of rage. "Hey, guys. So I couldn't help overhearing…" he deadpanned, giving Serena his goofy, awkward smile so she would know any anger in his eyes was meant entirely for the other male in the room.

"Look, man. I'm sorry about this—" Nate started to mumble, but Dan just rolled his eyes.

"Save it, 'man,' and get the hell out of here," he ordered, and Nate was happy to obey. With one final look at Serena, he disappeared out of sight and walked straight into the chilly, sludge-filled New York sidewalk.

Serena watched Nate's retreating back and then threw her arms around Dan once he was gone from the room. She had been relieved Dan was in the bathroom when Nate entered, because she knew that meant she wouldn't have to deal with him for long. But now she wondered what would have happened if the two of them had been alone. She kind of wished that Dan could have been elsewhere, just so she could know for sure that when she said no, she meant it.


	12. Big Bad Bass Goes Good

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Bart makes a dinner announcement…

**Ch. 12: Big Bad Bass Goes Good**

"I just want you to know how sorry I am about the whole Nate thing," Serena apologized to her boyfriend for the 200th time as they sat down to the dinner table, anticipating the first official Van der Woodsen-Bass family gathering. She had convinced Dan to stay and help her through the ordeal, but now she had to make sure that no other kinds of awkwardness would cloud his attitude or judgment at this very crucial time. She knew he would make a wonderful impression on her new stepfather (after all, Bart Bass loved nothing more than hardworking men who could rise from their low social station and reach the top), as long as he didn't let slip any newfound family secrets.

"Please stop worrying about it, Serena," Dan replied in a comforting tone, pushing a strand of her loose blonde hair behind her ear. "I already told you—I trust you. I know you weren't doing anything back there."

She smiled at him, but inside she sighed, _I just wish I could trust myself_. Seeing Nate would always make her feel **something**, but she loved Dan. What she had with him was much more important, much more _real_. She was worried, though. Worried that she would somehow slip back into Old Serena and that's where Nate would somehow come in to ruin everything she had worked towards these past 6 months. That was the problem right there: she couldn't be friends with Nate again until he stopped representing her past and all the mistakes she made.

Chuck appeared out of nowhere with Erik and slid in the seat next to Serena's while Erik sat across from them, very nearly giggling.

"What's so funny, little man?" Dan asked him, a little intrigued.

"Chuck's…wearing makeup," he spilled out, and quickly began humming innocently when he finished his sentence. He still didn't know his new roommate very well, but from everything he had heard, he just might be killed (or sexually assaulted) in his sleep tonight.

Both Serena and Dan turned to look at Chuck, who sat there glowering. Sure enough, the bruises were magically gone and replaced with a perfectly matching skin tone that, for some reason, glimmered slightly under the light. Leave it to Chuck Bass to know just what foundation would cover him up the best.

"Yes, he is. That's because he's secretly a woman," Dan grinned at the younger Van der Woodsen, a move that earned him a death glare from Chuck. _Sorry, not as threatening when you're all made up._

Serena leaned in to have a somewhat more private conversation with her stepbrother. "I'm sorry to hear we're back to being rivals," she whispered, part mockery, part genuine regret.

Chuck's nostrils flared and he could feel himself getting angry all over again. "I don't need her, okay? Don't think I can't take you both down," he shot back.

"Let's just say you probably won't be getting a girl in bed for a good long while," she raised her eyebrows suggestively, fighting back the urge to spill before the time was ripe.

"Yeah, well, you better hold onto your darling Humphrey **real** tight, because I have a feeling he won't be sticking around."

That made Serena unconsciously clasp Dan's oblivious hand in her own. Of course Chuck would aim right where she was most vulnerable. Annoyed, she pinched his arm. "Thanks for the heads up, jackass."

"Jeez," Chuck grumbled, rubbing the sore spot. "You _know_ how easily I bruise."

"Not funny." Now she was even angrier due to the guilt-trip, but just then Lily and Bart came downstairs and dinner could begin.

Bart greeted the children before clearing his throat to make a big announcement. He had been practicing his lines over and over again from the moment Serena ran out of his office, but he still didn't know how it would go over. He had never been more nervous about anything in his life, but he had to come clean now. If his stepdaughter ever let the truth be known and he hadn't spoken up first, he would lose Lily for good. "I have something to share with all of you," he declared, revving up all his energy. He stopped himself, though, when his eye landed on a stranger in their midst. Some random brunette guy wearing a ratty brown vest. _Hasn't anyone ever told them not to air their dirty laundry?_ He wondered incredulously, staring the newcomer down to make sure he got the unwelcome message.

Serena sighed, and stood up with Dan. "I'm so sorry I wasted your time, Dan. You'll have to meet the rest of my…'family' another day."

"No time with you is a waste," he said sweetly, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before letting her walk him to the door.

When she returned, Bart launched in to his confession, take two. "I feel very embarrassed about what I have to say," he began, standing up from his seat at the head of the table. Chuck, sensing what was coming, discreetly hung his head in shame and Serena averted her eyes from the scene of disaster. "This morning I reacted in a completely unacceptable manner with my own son," he continued, his eyes fully on Lily's confused expression (that was slowly turning more shocked than anything). "I was very angry about something he did, and let my anger get out of control. I'm thankful Serena was there to stop me…"

Chuck felt his ears redden. Was his father really trying to pretend this was the only time something like that had ever happened? _If you're not going to tell the truth, why say anything at all? _He quickly glanced over at Serena and was relieved to see she didn't believe Bart, either. Willing himself to look up at his stepmother, he realized that she was eyeing him with a concerned expression the likes of which he'd never seen directed at him before.

"Did he hurt you, Chuck?" Lily asked tenderly, her face paling rapidly. He looked back down at the table, not sure of how he was supposed to respond. What would make his father angrier? It was all the response she needed, though, and she turned to her daughter. "Serena, how could you not tell me about this?" She closed her eyes briefly and tried not to think about how she had made one more mistake in the rearing of her children. Why did she have to marry again? Hadn't her kids gone through enough? She looked back in Chuck's direction—_he'd_ certainly been through enough as well. At the moment, she was filled with a motherly feeling that superceded any she had ever experienced before.

"I wanted Bart to tell you himself, mom," Serena mumbled, embarrassed and flustered.

The mention of her husband's name brought Lily immediately back to the present, and she threw Bart one of her dirtiest looks. "Did you touch Serena or Erik?"

Bart shook his head and both children assured her they had been entirely unharmed. "I would never hurt your children, Lily," he said in a pleading voice.

Lily took a deep breath. "If you ever touch **any** of my kids, you will be _so_ sorry." As she spoke those words, she reached out to put her hand on Chuck's shoulder, just so he would know he was included in that threat. He gulped without even thinking.

"I know. I was so stupid, but I want to make it better and make it up to all of you," Bart announced. "It was just that, seeing Serena's reaction—despite the tumultuous relationship she has with my son—made me realize we have a chance to be a real family here."

Erik tried not to let those words affect him the way they were threatening to. He knew that beating your child, even if it was just once, made you the worst kind of parent. But, for some reason, he believed what his stepfather was saying. Maybe he was just naïve, but he wanted to think it would be all right. Unfortunately, he knew that even if this situation didn't make his mother run for the hills, something else surely would. Maybe she would stay for another week, a month, hopefully even a year. But eventually, she would turn tail again and take him and Serena away from yet another opportunity at family. He heard his mother say, "If you'll all just excuse me," in that tired tone of hers and knew she was going upstairs to pack their things. _Not this time, mom. Please. _He got up and quietly excused himself as well. "I just need to talk to her," he explained.

Lily walked calmly up the stairs to the master bedroom, ready to shut the door, when she saw Erik was right behind her. "What is it, sweetheart?" She inquired as steadily as she could manage.

"Don't do this, mom," he begged her without skipping a beat.

Lily felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. Was she really that transparent? More importantly, why in the world would her son want to stay with a man who abused his children? "Didn't you hear what he told us?" She breathed.

"Yes. I heard him confess to making a mistake, apologize and say it was just once. Can't we **try** this time, mom? Let's just work it out. Stay for Chuck, at least."

She saw the wounded look in her son's eyes and suddenly felt guiltier than ever for his previous suicide attempt and for Serena's past wild behavior. How could she have been the source of destruction for her own family? Always carelessly flitting from one man to the next, hoping to find security, and instead finding that same stifling environment that had surrounded her as a child. We always return to what we know, no matter how much it hurts us. She hugged Erik tightly and kissed the top of his head. "We'll stay, okay? We'll stay here."

She sent Erik back down to the dining room with a message that she would immediately follow. Once he left, she sat down on her bed, pulled out her phone, and left the following voice mail: "Rufus? It's Lily. I just called to say…you better hope you're single in 4 years, because the moment all our children go to college, I'm going to get you back. And nothing is going to stand in my way."

Upon returning to the dining room table, she kissed her husband lightly on the cheek to let him know things were going to be okay for now, and announced her new plan.

"Are you serious, mom?" Serena whined, "I don't _want_ to go to the Ostroff Center once a week!"

Bart, however, thought it was a very good idea. "I need the anger management, and we'll be able to work through our issues as a family."

"I, for one, am **thrilled** to be going back to my second home," Erik exclaimed, happy with any circumstance that left him in possession of two parental units. Everyone in the room stared at him, though. Lily and Serena with a hint of panic, and Chuck and Bart in pure confusion.

"Wait. I thought _Serena_ was in the Ostroff Center…" Chuck mused out loud.

Lily rolled her eyes in a defeated way. "Fine," she conceded. "I have a confession to make, too…"

Upon hearing the tale of Erik's depression, Chuck felt a twinge of guilt for having helped Blair in her plan of social destruction. Who knew his sleuthing skills would ever lead him astray? "Sorry about that," he told Serena out of the corner of his mouth.

"Not as sorry as you will be," she responded smugly.

"Oh, Jesus…"


	13. Can't Live Down Date Rape, C

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Chuck gets a surprise at school…

Author's Note: Take Back The Night is a real movement on college campuses nationwide. And it's a very serious matter, so I hope they (and you) can forgive me for making light of it here.

**Ch. 13: Can't Live Down Date Rape, C**

Serena and Blair giggled like crazy women, high on caffeine and malice, as they ran around the Constance Billard-St. Jude hallways at 7:30 on Monday morning. Zero hour would be starting in half an hour and they wanted to make sure they got prime spots to watch everyone's reactions. Well, _one_ person's in particular. The best part of all was that they hadn't actually done anything wrong, so Serena didn't have to feel that sisterly guilt or worry about any possible expulsions. Ms. Doherty, their peer-counseling leader, had asked for posters and she had gotten them—technically the girls were doing **charity work** while getting back at assholes that called them names over silly misunderstandings. Blair sighed happily, imagining what would be the expression on Chuck's face when he arrived at school. _Definitely worth all that time spent at Kinko's_, she was sure of it. Granted, she wasn't entirely sure how this was going to get him to come groveling back to her, but she had to take care of her wounded pride first. True love could come later.

Chuck and Nate stepped off the M1 bus they took to school every once in awhile (just for kicks, Chuck would say, to mingle with the masses) and found the courtyard teeming with life. Gossip was buzzing everywhere; you could just sense it in your bones. That, and hear it in the whispers, cell phone ring tones, and text message beeps that engulfed the tiny school.

"Who died?" Nate asked, bemused, as Chuck grabbed hold of one of the flyers that littered the path from the bus stop to the main auditorium where they would soon have to gather for assembly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Chuck flip the sheet of paper over and, without thinking, he let out a guffaw the likes of which has never been and will never again be heard coming from the mouth of Nate Archibald.

"What the hell is this?" Chuck demanded angrily of no one in particular. A few of the younger girls all stared at him with a mixture of awe and fear before scampering off in various directions. A couple guys, even ones he didn't know, came by to congratulate him or threaten to beat him up. The junior and senior girls just scoffed at him in disdain and moved as far away as possible.

When he was finally able to catch his breath, Nate patted Chuck on the back. "You can't say it isn't true, buddy," he said apologetically. Chuck just grunted in reply and, not looking where he was going, almost tripped over Blair Waldorf and Serena Van der Woodsen. Each boy was momentarily lost in a trance induced by the girl of his choice, but quickly recovered upon remembering said ladylove despised him.

Blair gave Nate a pointed look of disgust before turning to Chuck with a huge fake smile on her perfectly made up face. "I'm so glad you could help us out with our Take Back The Night campaign, Bass. I know it's a little early to begin preparations, but we're really trying to raise a lot of money and support for the Columbia-Barnard march this year."

Chuck's face darkened. How dare she prance around sounding so _chipper_ when she was the one responsible for this humiliation? "I have no idea what you are talking about or what crack you are smoking, but what made you think this was funny?"

Blair let her face fall. "It's not funny at all, Chuck," she replied sadly. "We march because every woman has the right to walk at night without fear. We shout to combat the silence that is forced upon us."

Nate and Chuck just stared at her, mouths agape, as if she had suddenly grown horns. Serena tried her hardest to keep from snorting and concealed the mega-watt smile that kept threatening to ruin the mood.

"What you did to little J and Serena was unacceptable," Blair continued in her most businesslike manner. "I thought you were finally trying to change your ways when you agreed to do this for us. If I had known this was all a big joke to you, I would have found someone else." With that, she stomped away acting deeply injured by Chuck's insouciance. The prospect of being left alone with Serena and with only Chuck as a buffer had Nate turning on his heel to head for the hills as well, which left the step-siblings alone in the courtyard to hash things out. All around them, **Date Rapist At Large** flyers with photos of Chuck looking his most menacing floated to the ground like party invitations in a teen movie.

"I can't believe you would help her with this," Chuck complained grumpily to Serena. Classes today were going to be more hellish than usual—all of his dipshit teachers would think he was some kind of hero for lending his face to the Fem-Nazi movement and the more intelligent ones would know it wasn't even a lie, really. How was he ever going to get laid in the foreseeable future?

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Serena teased, ruffling Chuck's hair in a gesture that was maybe meant to be comforting.

"You laugh now," he warned, "but I'm so going to sue for libel." He wouldn't sue Serena, of course, because that would just cost his father money, but Blair was _so_ going to be wishing she hadn't done something this incredibly dumb.

This time Serena really did laugh. "Sorry, Chuck, no can do. As your legal guardian, my mom signed off on the release forms to use your photos for the campaign." Off of his look of shock, she continued, "And quit acting so betrayed, okay? She thought they were permission slips to go on a junior class college visit." That shows you how much Lily Van der Woodsen knew about being a concerned mother.

Chuck plopped himself down on one of the benches in defeat. "I don't understand," he nearly whined. "One measly fight and she goes all** John Tucker Must Die** on me?"

Serena's ears perked up at this revelation and she seated herself on the bench next to him. "Really? It was just a fight? Like you were planning on making up?"

"Well, why not? I overreacted, she overreacted…" Turning to her with genuine confusion in his eyes, he asked, "Isn't that what you and Dan would do at this point? Apologize, I mean."

She shrugged, doing her best to keep from gloating. "Yes, but Dan and I would never be in this situation in the first place."

Chuck's eyes narrowed slightly at this. "As your brother, I feel it only right to give you advance notice: I wouldn't be so sure that everything's all peaches and cream in your low-rent love life."

Serena pressed her lips into a thin line, but decided to let that one slide._ Just you wait, oh brother of mine. I'm going to take that scarf of yours and __**strangle**__ you with it_. "Whatever," she replied, brushing off the insult and word of caution. "You just need to go and apologize to Blair for what you said. For misjudging her. Buy her flowers, some jewelry, and make it up to her, okay?"

Chuck sat still for a second, appearing to mull over his stepsister's advice. Then he stood up wearing that signature smirk of his. He just couldn't let Blair call all the shots, no matter how badly he wanted her. She was going to have to put in a little more effort. "Nah," he announced. "I think I've got a better idea."


	14. Battle Of The NotSoVirgin Queens

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Money's on Blair for the win; Jenny saves some face…

**Ch. 14: B Or H? The Battle Of The Not-So-Virgin Queens**

_Hey, Upper East Siders, Gossip Girl here…_

_Spotted: Good Queen H—just doesn't have the same ring to it—lurking around the Palace Hotel bar, looking expectant, then dejected. Why so crestfallen, H? Looks like someone was waiting for a cocky date rapist that never showed. Talk about tacky. I don't know about you, but I'd say this calls for a public beheading. Let's just hope B's got her guillotine sharpened and ready._

_XOXO,_

_Gossip Girl _

Blair could hardly contain her glee as she watched all the Constance Billard girls ogling their cell phone screens and whispering excitedly to each other. _Poor sheep can't believe their new queen fell so fast, _she thought smugly to herself. She had decided not to let Dan and Serena's hard work go entirely to waste, so she had waited around long enough to snap some shots of Hazel clearly waiting for Chuck to come get her. The best part was she came not once over the last week, but **twice**. The first time, he had clearly not taken the bait because he knew what was going on (and besides, he was hoping to have Blair at that point). But Blair was dying to know why he hadn't shown up the second. She pushed the question out of her mind as quickly as it had entered, though. She dismissively concluded he had just assumed there was another trap waiting.

As she walked confidently down the hallway, with Kati and Iz in tow (who in the world knew what Serena was off doing with Dan just then), she realized all eyes were on her. The crowd was hungry for some action, clamoring to see just how Blair would cut Hazel down. Whether it was because Chuck was _her_ man or because Hazel was simply a slut didn't matter. It was truly wonderful how quickly the mob could forgive and forget her previous sins once another's fresh ones were shamefully exposed. She strode up to Hazel, full of pride mixed in with a little bit of spite, and gave that wannabe the once-over with her superior eyes. Before she even opened her mouth, Penny had already scooted over to where Kati and Iz were standing. _Pathetic_, Blair thought to herself, annoyed at how little effort her comeback had taken so far. Still, who was she to complain about the shallow loyalties of her so-called friends? She needed all the minions she could get right about now. Taking a couple more seconds, she glanced meaningfully at Jenny, making sure little J understood that she was high if she thought Blair would take her back. _Not just yet, little Humphrey. You've got some major sucking up to do first. _

Finally, she let her gaze rest again on Hazel, who looked terrified of what was to come but was at least trying to hold her ground. "Well, well, looks like your posse has fled…" Blair started with a hint of derision in her voice. "You threw yourself at Chuck and he wouldn't have it? How _tragic_."

Behind her, Kati and Iz made those tittering noises of theirs and mumbled their vague agreements with whatever Blair had to say. Penny just hung her head in shame, embarrassed that she ever seriously believed someone like Hazel could take Blair down. Blair tried not to roll her eyes at the pointlessness of their existence—at least her clique was serving the purpose of making her seem more powerful, whereas Hazel just looked like a sad, lonely girl in a Marc Jacobs jacket.

"You must be seriously damaged goods if **Chuck Bass **thinks he can do better than you," Blair continued, turning her disapproval into outright disgust. "How worthless do you feel right now, poor thing?" _Probably just as worthless as you felt when he decided he was too good for __**you**_, she responded to herself silently.

Hazel could do nothing more than scoff in self-defense. Looking around, she could see nothing but varying degrees of pity and loathing in the eyes of her classmates. Finally, head bowed, she made her exit as fast as humanly possible. She didn't even stop to notice that Jenny stayed where she was instead of following.

Jenny, obviously not having heeded Blair's earlier warning, took a step toward the new 'It' group. She was hoping to blend in as seamlessly as Penny had, but Blair put a hand up in front of her to stop the snotty freshman from getting any more fresh ideas.

"Just where do you think you're going, Little J?" she asked viciously. "You should turn right back around and go after your good friend, Hazel. At least now you two can bond over how it feels to have Chuck chew you up and spit you out." Quite a few _ooh_s and _ohhh, shiiit_s could be heard from the gathering crowd, while a few of the crueler kids laughed as if what had happened to Jenny were in some way funny. Maybe her jibe had been a little too harsh and close to home, but it somehow made Blair feel vindicated to be able to turn it all around on someone else. You'd think a little time in exile would have helped Blair realize people don't deserve to be treated the way she herself had been, but thankfully that was not the case. Because where would the world be without a beautifully vindictive Waldorf in its midst?

Jenny's eyes widened in shock at such a low blow, but her resolve to get back in with the in-crowd was certainly not shaken by something so silly. She'd have to bow out gracefully for now, but she'd soon be back with a make-up plan. "That's funny," she replied brightly, "I thought I could just commiserate over that with **you**, Blair." Before Blair could strike back, Jenny turned and walked away, in as dignified a manner as she could manage and pointedly in a direction opposite that of Hazel's. If anything, she could go find Erik after school today and go hang out in the company of someone who actually cared about her. _Thankfully, he's not the only one_, she reminded herself. She could also spend some time with Nate, who was eternally grateful for her honesty and friendship. Thinking it over for a little while, she decided hanging out with the latter of the two had a higher chance of getting her on Gossip Girl and so she set off to ask Nate to lunch. _I just hope he's not hanging out with Chuck…_

Serena came bounding up the second Jenny was out of sight. Aware of all the lingering tension and awed faces of lower class men (or class women, if that were actually a word), she sighed melodramatically, "Oh, no! B, please don't tell me I missed a huge showdown **again**."

Blair flashed her one true friend a winning smile, shaking off little J's last words, and then turned triumphantly to the rest of her gang. With Serena around, who cared about any of these other girls? "Lunch on the steps?" she announced, barely bothering to hide the fact that it was a statement, not a question.

Of course, all three of them nodded enthusiastically.


	15. Matchmaker D, Make Me A Match

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Dan finds himself somehow in the middle of other people's drama…

Author's Note: This chapter marks the beginning of a little bit of Chuck/Original Character, but I promise the whole point is Chuck/Blair. I'll do my hardest to make her as far from a Mary Sue as possible (or whatever you call 'perfect' fanfiction characters)

**Ch. 15: Matchmaker D, Make Me A Match**

Chuck had bailed on Nate for lunch in order to set up Operation: Win Blair's Love, which was just as well since now Nate was going to eat with Jenny, anyway. No way was Chuck going to hang around to hear people make lewd comments about him and the freshman he tried to take advantage of (the fact that his thoughts were ending in prepositions was obviously a sign of how this was all affecting him). _He _should be the one saying those things—the other way around was just too weird. Now, though, he was at a loss as to his next move. He knew what he wanted to do, but how in the world was he going to find someone to help him out? Being labeled a rapist was not exactly a winning strategy for picking up chicks. Unless they were some really _weird_ chicks. The bell for lunch rang (Chuck was already out because, well, he was never one to wait for bells to cue him in life), and he saw Dan Humphrey walking out of his AP Pre-Calculus class. In fact, Dan Humphrey took _only_ APs (well, aside from Creative Writing). It was seriously disgusting. Chuck took regulars whenever he could get away with it, but because he actually was smart and simply refused to do the work, he had been coerced into taking AP English and thus had to suffer daily through Dan's "enlightened" analysis of how every effing book somehow related to Joyce's **Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man**.

Now, though, it was crucial to catch up to Dan and pretend like he didn't hate the guy's guts, because Chuck had finally figured out the Brooklyn boy was just the one to solve all his problems. The guy had somehow managed to land Serena Van der Woodsen with no money, no family name, and no…class. He had to have some kind of magic touch, right? Chuck ran up next to him and, trying not to spew, clapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey…Dan," Chuck greeted him, struggling to get out his real name instead of some insulting nickname.

Dan looked a little taken aback at finding himself next to Chuck Bass, but he went with it anyway. "Hey, Rapey McRapes-A-Lot, how's it going?" Sometimes he was just a _little_ too pleased with himself.

Chuck rolled his eyes. If Dan wasn't going to play nice, why should he? "So, I know your current sex partner is eating with Blair and, seeing as you have no other friends, I was wondering if you'd like to eat together?"

_That_ caused Dan to fully stop in his tracks. He was totally offended at the suggestion that he couldn't find another lunch companion, but he did kind of want to see where a shared space with Chuck at mealtime might lead. "I **am** actually meeting someone," he declared after a long pause, "but you're welcome to join if you wish."

_Oh, crap_. Now Chuck was going to have to start talking before they met up with whoever the mystery person was, because he sure didn't want anyone else to know Chuck Bass was desperate. Not that he was, of course. He was just…changing strategies. Since when was that a problem? "Great. While we're heading over there, I was hoping I could...ask your advice about something."

Dan raised an eyebrow. "Wow," he breathed sarcastically, "I'm truly honored. I mean, I'm _thrilled_ here. Should I get a camera? Because this has to be a Kodak moment."_Way to Seth it up, Humphrey_, he chided himself. Not that he had ever watched **The OC**. Not willingly, anyway. Sometimes Jenny would just have it on and he would be compelled to stay and keep her company. It **had** been too bad about Marissa, though...

"Save your witticisms for when I'm done," Chuck commanded before beginning his embarrassing plea for help. Because God knows this was going to give Dan enough ammunition to last him a lifetime. "It's just, you know, about Blair…"

What was going on? How had Dan gone from being scum under everyone's shoes to the go-to guy for all the social problems of Manhattan's Elite? He had clearly spent too much time watching **The Twilight Zone** as a kid and had now been transported to an alternate dimension, thus fulfilling all those rich-and-famous fantasies that he outwardly despised but secretly held near and dear to his heart. He tried to listen to Chuck's rant about how out-of-proportion Blair's reactions were to the given situation (or _any_ situation, for that matter), but he was a little too busy thinking about how he would avoid getting blown up by the bombs in the oncoming nuclear war. "Back it up there," he finally exclaimed. "As much as I want to be on your side, Bass, if I do anything to help you take Blair down or whatever, Serena will **destroy** me. With her new Blair eyes. Or by withholding sex. Either way, it'll be really scary." Dan shut himself up after this. _Bad, bad! No telling Chuck Bass about your sex life._

Chuck did, in fact, 'back it up.' He opened his mouth to make a snarky comment regarding how withholding sex would be a very hard thing for Serena to do, but immediately he thought better of it. Leave that to a time when he no longer needed Dan and could go back to Operation: Free Serena. One step at a time. He was more than a little surprised to hear Dan Humphrey, of all people, would be willing to help him. So he buttered up the proposition a little. "It's not about taking Blair down," he assured Dan, "I just need to find…someone else."

Dan's eyes widened; he was actually impressed. "Whoah. You want to **move on**? That's very big of you. I mean, I could try to teach you how to act around women, but truthfully I don't know how exactly my strategies worked on Serena—"

His blathering was cut off by one of Chuck's excited grins. "If by 'move on' you mean, 'find an effing hot girl willing to pretend to date me and thus make Blair so jealous, she actually reconsiders,' then we are on the same page."

Dan laughed a little, amazed at how clueless Chuck was when it came to the minds of women. _Not that the minds of women are any more available to me. _It just might be illuminating, or at least entertaining, to see the results of Chuck's little experiment. And it wasn't something that could be traced back to him or anything, especially since there was nothing inherently hurtful in what he was doing. Except, of course, the girl would have to be informed of all the circumstances in advance and be willing to cooperate with full knowledge of how disgusting Chuck was in general. Who in the world would be down with fake-dating an attempted rapist in order to get under Queen B's skin? And then it hit him. _Duh. She's up for basically __**anything**__ that involves undermining rich kids_. Turning to Chuck, he grinned, "I think I've got just the girl for you…"

Needless to say, Chuck was stunned. Maybe Dan's brain _did_ work faster than a normal person's. Maybe he should reread **Portrait of the Artist** and find all those connections himself. However… "If you say Vanessa Abrams, I will choke you."

"What, with your scarf, pretty boy? And no, it's not her. We're actually about to meet her now." He motioned to Chuck to follow him to Anneliese's, Dan's favorite deli on the Upper East Side (mostly because it was the cheapest). He ate here almost everyday, since it was actually less expensive than buying a meal in the St. Jude's cafeteria. "So," he asked his new frienemy, "What went down with the poster thing? Because I told Serena they were definitely going to get in trouble for that. And I'd kind of like to be right."

"Yeah, they almost did," Chuck told him. "Ms. Queller called me down to her office and said that if they had done this without my permission, Blair and Serena would be suspended. And if it was true, she would have to speak to our headmaster, but most likely they would send me to some counseling."

Dan gaped a little bit. "Jeez. That's crazy. What did you say, then?"

"I took the vaguely noble route and told her I had promised Blair I would help her out with the campaign, but that I was not actually a rapist." With that out of the way, they entered Anneliese's. The rich scent of fresh mozzarella and basil filled their nostrils, and Chuck mentally prepared himself to meet his new temporary woman.


	16. A's The First Bitch In The Alphabet

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Chuck gets a girlfriend he doesn't have to buy…

Author's Note: I completely understand the desire for longer chapters, but I have a very limited amount of time to write every day and if I don't spew it out when it comes into my head, I never get around to writing it.

**Ch. 16: A's The First Bitch In The Alphabet**

Angélica Mesa was a 5'5" brunette who attended Constance Billard with all of the uppity East Siders, but she herself was from the West Side (and her family was originally from Cuba). While her family wasn't_ too_ badly off—both her parents were professors at Columbia University—she did have a partial scholarship for the school. That was how she had met Dan Humphrey: they happened to sit next to each other at the first Scholars Program meeting of 9th grade. In some awkward attempt to make the monetarily disadvantaged students feel "at home" and "not left out," Constance and St. Jude's set up different outings for their scholarship students every month so that the poor kids could experience a little bit of** real** New York City life. Sometimes there would be an opera, a Broadway musical, a concert, maybe a five-star restaurant here and there…it was excruciating. She and Dan had become fast friends, vowing to be as bored and unhappy as humanly possible throughout every one of these events. The truth was, though, Angélica definitely derived more enjoyment than Dan out of that lifestyle, and it wasn't purely ironic.

"Looks like there's a first time for everything," she mused out loud, rolling her eyes good-naturedly as she picked up her cell phone only to be greeted by a text from Gossip Girl, complete with a picture of her and Chuck Bass sitting together at Anneliese's. She was trying to pass it off as nothing but a mild annoyance, but she was secretly pleased to see herself mentioned in the most talked-about high school blog of NYC. If this is what going along with Chuck and Dan's half-assed plan entailed, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all. She gingerly handed her phone over to Chuck so he could appreciate his plan falling into place without even trying. Dan had left them alone to "get to know each other" about 15 minutes ago, but it hadn't really been getting anywhere. Chuck didn't seem to know how to say anything that wasn't grossly inappropriate, which was probably why she hadn't explicitly agreed to be his pretend-girlfriend yet. The reason she hadn't outright rejected him was because, well, if people thought Chuck Bass was interested in** her**? As an actual prospect instead of a prostitute? Man, would her reputation go up. _I guess Gossip Girl already took care of that for me._ Suddenly realizing someone else in the deli had to have taken that picture without them noticing in the last 15 minutes, she blushed slightly and looked around furtively for any sign of a gawking teenager in a private school uniform.

Chuck raised his eyebrows in approval of the text. It was good to be pseudo-famous at a time like this—news would travel to Blair so fast, she'd be back in his arms before he had to do a thing. Smirking, he turned to the girl sitting next to him (What was her name again? Something foreign and unpronounceable) and drawled out, referring to the Gossip Girl entry, "You haven't seen us 'cozying up' yet. That'll have to come when we get to my suite, because I'm not much for PDA." She just looked at him like she might throw up, and he laughed to himself, trying to show he was joking.

Why did he have to say shit like that? Sure, this girl was not at all bad looking, though her clothes lacked the refined quality he was so used to seeing on Blair, but he definitely wasn't interested in hooking up with her or anything. He hadn't really had an appetite for meaningless sex ever since Blair tossed him to the curb at the debutante ball the same way he had tossed aside so many others. _Dan's right. I'm actually becoming a woman,_ he thought, feeling disgusted with himself. If he really thought about it (not that he ever would), though, meaningless sex was never** really** what he was after. Chuck Bass didn't have the hyper-masculine aggressive gene; he had just perfected the appearance of having it. No one will ever get to you if you're the one who's using them up and throwing them away like so much garbage. One of the reasons he and Blair worked so well together was because they put on so many layers to keep from ever truly being seen, except by one another. And yet they would _never_ work until they were willing to look at each other in their most vulnerable state, then at themselves, and not run away screaming.

"No wonder Blair Waldorf doesn't want to be with you," Angélica commented, not in a rude way. "I don't really blame her. Everyone at school talks about your 'experience,' but in real life, you know next to nothing about women."

"I'm not disagreeing with you on that one," Chuck assented. "Which is why I need you to teach me."

She smiled a little, taken in by that smirk of his that managed to be totally self-assured even when admitting defeat. If she agreed to this, she'd basically be tutoring some rich bastard so he could land his rich-bitch dream girl. What did that make her exactly? _I__** have**__ always wanted to be a teacher_, she thought wryly. She may as well milk this for all it was worth. He'd have to take her out on a couple of dates, at least. Some nice dinners, a play…it could work out. Plus, to reach Chuck Bass levels of depravity, one probably had to become a damn good kisser. Why not reap the benefits? "So, if I help you with this, what's in it for me?" She asked, teasingly.

"I could pay you," Chuck answered seriously, opening up his wallet. "It might have to be in installments, or maybe I could write you a check."

…_Or not_. Angélica thought about slapping him maybe, but instead just laughed in his face. "If you want to pay someone, hire a prostitute. If you want to become boyfriend material, on the other hand, take me out to nice places and pay for everything. Maybe you could buy me a dress or jewelry at some point." She spoke the words slowly, enunciating as if he were a five-year old and she were a very patient woman.

He thought about this. "So…" he finally answered, "I'm not really seeing the distinction here."

She quickly wrote her number and address on a napkin, ignoring his (hopefully) willful ignorance, and then handed it over as she stood up. She obviously had her work cut out for her. "Goodbye, Bass. You'll be picking me up tonight at 8."

As she walked out the door, he called after her, "But why can't we start right now, baby?" He was expecting to get a punch in the face or at least a dirty look, but instead he received a wide smile and a gleam in the eyes.


	17. Jealousy Becomes B

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Blair realizes something important, and now has to fight for it.

**Ch. 17: Jealousy Becomes B**

Blair Waldorf and Serena Van der Woodsen sat uncomfortably in the cold and unfeeling office of their headmistress, Ms. Queller. Who knew Constance Billard would have such a problem with embarrassing a student whose father had just donated an entire library? Serena bit her nails, a nasty habit she hadn't been able to get rid of since the first time her mother got remarried (but who cares? She always looked perfect, anyway), hoping against hope that she wouldn't get expelled this time. Somehow, she doubted her stepfather would be as willing to buy her off with a second library when his own son was the victim of her shenanigans. Blair, meanwhile, prayed to the God that had failed her so many times before (why couldn't there be a genie somewhere who would listen?) that this wouldn't be a black mark against her when Yale admissions time rolled around. Was getting back at Chuck Bass worth not going to her dream school? No way. She had to draw the line somewhere.

Ms. Queller opened her big, imposing mouth to take away their hopes forever. "I have to say," she began in that disappointed tone of hers. That's what you get when you're around high school kids all day, lady. "The school is very disillusioned with you girls. Blair Waldorf, you've been going downhill fast. From star student to **two **trouble-making incidents this semester? We're not even at midterms yet. Shape up, young lady. And, you, Serena Van der Woodsen. Did I not hear you tell me you were trying to change? Don't give up so soon, please. For all of us."

Both girls nodded, completely ready to get totally screwed. Hey, if all else failed, they could just mooch off their parents' money forever. And at least they'd still have each other.

"As much as I'd like to severely punish you both," Ms. Queller continued, sounding very much like she meant those words. _Wait,_ Blair thought, perking up. _She 'wants' to punish us? There __**is**__ a genie._ "Charles Bass swears that he was entirely aware of your plan and you had his permission to plaster his face all over school grounds and deceptively accuse him of rape. As much as that story rings false to me, I have no choice but to let this one slide. Just know that, if there were any justice in the world, you two would be—at the very least—suspended for a week. Blair, you'll still be able to put down president of our Take Back The Night division on your college résumé, but I think Serena will be the one to turn in an entirely new proposal for the campaign. By tomorrow night. I will assign you a partner in this task, from St. Jude's, I think. It's about time our schools started realizing that sexual assault can happen to either gender."

Ms. Queller capped off her speech with a stare-down, but neither girl was very interested. Serena was busy thanking her lucky stars—like they would ever fail her—and Blair was busy trying to get rid of the stars in her eyes. Chuck hadn't turned her in. In fact, he had** defended** her. It was just like Nate, except so much better because Chuck _knew_ she had done it on purpose—to hurt him. She had tried to sabotage him, and he here was, keeping her good name clean. Was Chuck Bass more of a gentleman than she previously imagined?

As they exited the lion's den, Blair whispered excitedly to Serena (probably because she didn't want anyone to overhear the embarrassing confession behind her words), "S, did you **hear** what Ms. Queller said? Chuck _so_ didn't sell us out. I don't believe it, he's really trying to make it up to me."

"It's because he knows I'd just torture him at home anyway," Serena teased. Seeing Blair's slight deflation, she continued laughingly, "And, of course, because he _loooooves_ you."

She was about to jump into a very special rendition of _Chuck and Bla-air, sitting in a car (are they naked? Yes, they are)_, but was interrupted by a pensive response from her best friend: "Yeah. I guess he does." Slowly, Serena observed the transformation that came over Blair's features—she seemed to become a goddess before Serena's very eyes. She didn't think she' d ever seen Blair look so determined or beautiful before.

"I have to go talk to him. I can't believe I've been so dumb, S. This _is_ the perfect fairy tale I've been waiting for."

Just as Blair spoke those magic words, Serena heard her phone go off. Thinking it might be from Dan, she hurried to answer it. Instead, it was a sweet little update from everyone's favorite anonymous blogger:

_Hey Upper East Siders_._ Gossip Girl here…_

_Spotted: C at a cheap diner whose name we dare not speak, cozying up to a little-known A from the other side of the tracks. No, not Brooklyn. He hasn't stooped __**that**__ low…yet. Looks like a fresh victim—I mean, face—is about to make her debut as part of the in-crowd. Maybe the newly reinstated Queen B will be heartbroken enough to actually show it. After all, what's a throne without a king to share it with? But shhhh…I won't tell her if you won't. Let's let this one play out on its own, shall we?_

_XOXO,_

_Gossip Girl_

Serena stared at the picture of Chuck eating out with a girl who looked slightly familiar. She felt a wave of fear rush over her, but upon recognizing Angélica, it turned into annoyance instead. What was Gossip Girl thinking? The idea of those two getting together was simply ridiculous. She remembered Dan had told her he would be eating with his friend that lunch period, and immediately realized he must have dragged Chuck along. Probably to bond a little bit now that Chuck was her stepbrother. Dan was always doing sweet things like that, as if he wasn't already **always **on her good side. She noticed Blair's phone had made no indication whatsoever of an incoming text. _Wow, guess Gossip Girl really __**wasn't**__ lying about not telling Blair_. It was best to keep it that way. Why worry Blair over something so petty?

* * *

Wandering the courtyard in the few minutes after school was out, Blair finally spotted Chuck smoking a cigarette—not in his usual spot—and rushed over. "How you doing, Bass?" She asked, in the nicest voice she had ever used with him. 

Caught completely unawares, Chuck almost swallowed his tongue trying to formulate a response. "What are you doing here, B?" He finally asked, not meaning for it to come out as harsh as it did.

Blair laughed at his rude nature, knowing that she deserved it a little bit. "I heard what you did for me and Serena back with the headmistress. I just wanted to thank you." With a sparkle in her eyes, she added, "I know it must have taken all your will power not to get us suspended, and I really appreciate it."

Chuck nodded, absent-mindedly letting his cigarette drop to the ground. "Yeah, well," he said casually, "Serena can't take another mark on her record, and I know how important Yale or whatever is to you, so…"

Smiling the most adorable smile to ever grace the planet, Blair put a hand on his shoulder and said (almost shyly), "I was just thinking, maybe you'd want…"

She didn't get to finish her sentence, because just then a shapely, perky brunette came around the corner and greeted Chuck warmly with a huge, fat kiss on the lips. Blair's eyes flashed and her face colored for a second, but she got a hold of herself before the disgusting public act ended.

Chuck was completely taken aback by the kiss. Was this part of the plan? He tried to see Blair's reaction, but couldn't until the attack was over (he made sure it was pretty damn short, though). She looked totally normal.

"Hello. Who are you again?" Blair asked kindly, struggling to keep the bile from rising in her throat.

"Oh, hi!" Angélica greeted her enthusiastically, shaking her hand, "I'm Angélica. Remember, we had World History AP together last year?"

She couldn't do it. That sickeningly sweet yet biting tone was back. "That's right! You're the communist girl, how cute." Damnit, why couldn't she hold back? Now Chuck would know he had won again.

The intruder narrowed her eyes. "Not all Cubans are communists. ¿Acaso eres cojuda? Tienes que ser. Si no, sabrías que este loco te ama y te está haciendo esto tan solo por ganar tu cariño por hoy y para siempre."

Blair turned to Chuck and tried her best to look congratulatory. The attempt fell flat and she settled for a sarcastic "I hope you two have a hell of a time understanding one another" before stalking away.

Chuck watched her go and felt sick to his stomach. He was pretty sure she was going to say something he wanted to hear before Angélica showed up. He couldn't be angry with her, though, because she was just doing what she was supposed to do. On the bright side, it was totally working. Blair was being a bitch and therefore had to be covering for some feelings. Overall, he had a reason to be kind of pleased, right? "What did you say to her?" He asked his partner-in-crime.

"Oh, I just called her a dumbass," she chirped.

"**That's** how long it takes to say 'dumbass' in Portuguese?"

"Um, it's _Spanish_. And I also may have thrown in the fact that you are madly in love with her and this is all just a desperate attempt to win her affections once and for all."

"Well, thank God she took French instead."


	18. N's Dreams Come True

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Serena and Nate work on a project together…

Author's Note: I am not actually a SN shipper (though I wouldn't hate it if they got together), but I did feel like the plot line was kind of dropped unceremoniously in the show. Basically, I wanted to incorporate some kind of resolution for myself in this story and tie it to BC.

**Ch. 18: N's Dreams Come True**

"I'm not sure what to do about this…" Serena spoke the words warily, shifting uncomfortably on the desk in her bedroom. Normally she would sit in a chair, but she hated projects so much, this was the only way she wouldn't feel tied down.

Nate looked up from Google searching 'The Filthy Youth' on Serena's brand-spanking new Macbook Air (Jenny had told him to check them out at lunch. He liked the music, but it was maybe a little too **Libertines** for his taste), and answered as seriously as possible. "It's totally cool, S. We're just going to be friends, and I get that now." He didn't like saying those words, but whatever would make her feel okay; make her act like her old self again. He missed that carefree spirit; that wild abandon. He had felt like the walking dead ever since she left for boarding school, and it was only recently that he was starting to wake up again.

When it came down to it, it wasn't so much about who Serena was as it was who he became when he was around her. She was the only person with whom he could ever be himself—with Blair he always had to be the perfect gentleman, the perfect son to his parents, and Chuck's brand of abandon was too guarded and too dark for Nate to fully appreciate. Needless to say, he had jumped at the chance when Ms. Queller offered him the position of assistant to Serena for the Take Back The Night campaign. He didn't really know what it was all about, but he could sure use the points after getting suspended at the beginning of the semester, stupidly covering for Blair in an attempt to win her back. _How do these things change so damn fast?_ Now, he was diving into another thing about which he was completely clueless (although at least this was a lot less dangerous) in order to win back Blair's best friend.

Serena smiled in spite of herself. "I meant about the project, but thanks for your comforting words." Somehow, instead of being incredibly awkward, it just came across as really funny. Both of them seemed to realize how ridiculous the situation was and burst out laughing at the same time. "I'm glad you're doing this with me, Nate," she said sincerely. "I really have missed hanging out with you this past year."

Nate's eyes twinkled with a life he only showed on very rare occasions. "That's good to hear, because I brought…THIS!" With a flourish, he produced his old Xbox and several games from his backpack. Pleased to hear Serena's squeal of delight, he continued in his most solemn tone, "You know I haven't touched this since the day you left." He noticed the light in her eyes dim a little and regretted going too far, but in an instant the shadow passed and she was back to her brilliant self.

"Uh huh, that, or you just bought yourself the 360," she corrected him knowingly. She didn't want to handle any hidden truth behind his joke and risk ruining whatever bridge they were trying to build.

He laughed in agreement. "Okay, you caught me," he replied, putting his hands up in the air as if he were under arrest. Then he carefully laid out all the games across the floor, tempting her to forget about TBTN and concentrate on more important things.

"Oooh," she clapped her hands, perusing the titles from a distance, "What games did you bring? Oh, Halo! Let's play it right now." She quickly scrambled to plug the console into her television, but Nate put out a hand to stop her and made a _tsk, tsk_ noise.

"Now, now, Miss Van der Woodsen. Remember what we're here for—work first, play later." He pretended to seriously consider ideas for the campaign for a little while, and finally came up with his best offer. "I'm thinking we should just put up pictures of _me_ alongside the ones of Chuck. Except mine will have me looking like my special brand of whipped puppy dog and they'll say **It Could Happen To Anyone**."

Serena buried her face in her hands as she dissolved in laughter. "Please don't tell me you're admitting to the things you and Chuck _clearly _do in that suite of his all the time," she begged. "Because, trust me, I do **not** want that visual." His catch phrase did stick in her mind, though. "I like your idea. We should do it."

Nate's face changed to one of horror. "Okay, I'd really rather not be portrayed as a victim of one of Chuck's date rapes. Thanks?" But Serena waved off his complaint with her hand and began jotting down a proposal to send to Ms. Queller immediately.

"It could happen to anyone, boys or girls. I'll email this right away, and now we can get down to the real business." She grinned devilishly, "Prepare to bow down before the Halo Queen, Nate Archibald."

* * *

Serena was so engrossed in video gaming (and kicking Nate's ass, of course) that she didn't look at the clock until midnight, but when she did, she had a mini freak-out. "Oh, shit!" She exclaimed, nearly dropping her controller. She grabbed her phone and, sure enough, there were two missed calls from Dan Humphrey. "I'm so dumb," she complained to no one in particular. 

"Yeah, dumb for ruining such a good game," Nate joked, but he immediately shifted gears when he saw she was genuinely upset. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Serena felt her cheeks flame as she responded. "I mean, it's really embarrassing, but Dan and I are supposed to call each other every night…at 11:11." She made a face as if she thought calling at that particular time was the stupidest thing ever, but of course she didn't. It had actually been her idea, and she loved that she and Dan had something cutesy like that—even if 25 million other couples had the same thing. So what if the song she got it from was actually about a destructive teenage relationship that didn't end well at all? It was still the most romantic song she had ever heard, and this was the first time since she established the rule that she hadn't caught the clock. She thought about calling Dan now, but knew he had an English test in the morning and didn't want to disturb him if he was studying or sleeping. Instead, she sent him an apologetic text message: _Sorry. Lost track of time working on a project. Lunch tomorrow?_ Pressing 'send' didn't make her feel any better, though, because she knew she had left Nate's name out on purpose. She didn't want to worry Dan for no reason at all, though. And it really was nothing, because spending the evening with Nate made her realize that all those childish feelings for him really **had** dissipated. He would always be a dear friend and the first guy to ever make her feel something other than lust, but everything else was in the past, where it would stay forever.

Hearing that Dan and Serena had a little gimmick like that made Nate feel a little sick to his stomach. He and Blair never even had a 'thing,' probably because he would have forgotten to follow through with it. He suddenly recognized he was going to have to shape up if he ever planned on being in a real relationship—one that wasn't basically picked out by his parents or fabricated by himself to escape the one he was already in. _Dan and Serena really __**do**__ love each other_, he sighed inwardly, getting ready to go.

"I'm really tired. I think I'll go to bed…Thanks so much for staying with me and losing to my superior skills all night long," Serena smiled softly at her old friend. Then she crawled into her bed, not even bothering to take her clothes off, and started to fall asleep almost instantly.

Watching her still form, Nate suddenly felt glued to the spot. He couldn't leave just yet, not when all the memories of this exact moment in years past rushed toward him. He, Serena, Blair and Chuck had held many a sleepover in this very room…and sometimes just he and Serena would fall asleep on her bed together after a long night of partying. Lily never had a problem with it, because she knew Nate belonged to Blair and would never try anything with her daughter. _Oh, Lily, how very wrong you were…_ Overcome by his thoughts (ah, how often Nate suffers from that dilemma), he lay down next to her, but didn't dare get under the covers. He knew this would be the last time, so maybe it would be good for him to get some closure. He'd gaze at her long, blonde hair for a little while; maybe fall asleep to the even sound of her breathing. Of course, he'd leave before she woke up in the morning and no one would ever have to know.

* * *

At around 5 am, Chuck Bass stumbled into his stepsister's room, hoping she would have a copy of Dante's **Inferno**—which he was supposed to have finished reading last week—so that he could finally write an essay he didn't pull out of his ass and thus get an acceptable test grade in English. He didn't find the book, but he did find his best friend lying on the bed next to Serena Van der Woodsen. Serena was restless even in her sleep, and had accidentally kicked over part of the comforter to Nate. They were thus justifiably 'tangled in the sheets.' Chuck couldn't help feeling immensely proud of Nathaniel, but at the same time he thought he detected a sense of…something. What was it? He was somehow less than thrilled that the old Serena had apparently returned. Shaking it off, he pulled out his phone, snapped a photo and texted Gossip Girl. As he walked out of the room quiet as a mouse, he actively avoided thinking about how Dan would feel when he got the message. 


	19. Just Trust S

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Dan learns 'what happened' the previous night…

**Ch. 19: Just Trust S**

Jenny Humphrey was calmly checking out the Gossip Girl website on Tuesday morning, as per her daily routine, when she came across the morning's headlines—which were not at all to her tastes. If the entry itself wasn't bad enough, the picture staring her in the face made everything one hundred times worse.

_Rise and shine, Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl here…_

_My, my, how the East Side turns. Looks like that thing N always had for S has finally found its proper resting place: her bedroom. Has the bad girl we all know and love returned for good this time or is it just a little show to get our hopes up? . Though I hate to crush the delusions of all you dreamers out there who thought S's fairy tale romance with the pauper meant you too stood a chance at 15 minutes of fame, I'm more worried about all that money I bet on Brooklyn for the win. On the bright side, never again will Lonely Boy have to be mentioned in this sacred space. Good riddance._

_XOXO,_

_Gossip Girl_

Jenny wanted to scream, but quickly felt her throat close up around her vocal chords. Dan had to know about this, but she had to do it in the most tactful way possible. Should it even be up to her? Maybe Dan should just talk to Serena and hear it from her firsthand. _But how embarrassing would that be for him at school?_ She knew that if she were in his place, the whispers and jeers would kill her. She'd want to be able to walk into the room with full knowledge and her head held high. Biting her lip as she looked back at the photo of Nate and Serena sleeping peacefully together, she tried to sort out her feelings. Her stomach had dropped and she felt overwhelmingly sick and sad. Was this the world she was trying to claw her way into? The kind of world that would just rip her brother to shreds without even a second thought? She had thought at least Serena was different. Sighing, she opened the garage door and motioned for her brother to come into her side of the room. "Dan, I think there's something you need to see," she almost whispered to him.

Dan pulled himself up from his desk, where he had fallen asleep the night before trying to make it through **Paradiso**. They were only required to read the first part of the **Divina Commedia**, but he had wanted to be fully informed when he wrote his essay. Groggily rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he stumbled over to Jenny's desk and peered at the laptop screen. What he saw there shocked him awake and he immediately stood up, straight as a rail. "I don't…believe this," he spluttered, unconsciously gripping the edge of his sister's chair as if he might fall off a cliff at any moment. How could this have happened? The picture had to be doctored or something. This was someone's idea of a cruel joke, and he didn't find it at all funny.

Jenny seemed to be in agreement with him, as she put on a kind hand on his shoulder and said simply, "I'm sure there must be some explanation for this. I think you just need to call Serena right now, get her to tell you what—if anything—happened."

Dan stopped massaging his temples (as a way to get those voyeuristic visions of Serena and Nate together out of his head) and sprang into action mode. He ran over to his desk and started rummaging through his books and papers until he found his phone, which he hadn't checked since he called Serena last night and subsequently fell asleep. There was a text message from his girlfriend waiting there for him and he eagerly opened it, praying it would contain all the answers he needed. Instead, it was just an apology for not calling and some explanation about a 'project.' What the hell? She hadn't even **mentioned** Nate was there; she didn't have anything to say about the Gossip Girl blast. Fully giving in to his melodramatic state of mind, he threw himself down on the bed and punched Cedric. "She lied to me, Jen. She _lied_. What the hell am I supposed to think about this?" Before Jenny could respond with any advice or reassurances, he jumped back up, stuck some books in his backpack and stalked out the door. Thank God he had been wearing his uniform the night before, so he didn't even have to worry about getting ready for school.

* * *

Serena ran all the way to school, not bothering to stop even once to catch her breath. She had been trying to call Dan all morning, ever since Erik woke her up to show her the bad news, but he hadn't been answering. _He must have already seen it_,_ damnit!_ She didn't know what she was going to say, but she knew that if she just saw him face-to-face, she could make it all better. Nothing had happened—that wouldn't be hard to defend, and she was sure Nate would back her up on that. But this made it clear that she had sort of lied to Dan about why she hadn't called, and she didn't know if he would be okay with that. _Why'd you have to be so stupid, Nate?_ She wanted to call him and yell at him, but she knew he hadn't meant anything by staying. It used to be okay, and she hadn't explicitly told him it **wasn't**. But things were so different now, so freakishly turned upside-down… Part of her wanted to turn back the clock and change the events of that damn Shepherd wedding. But if it hadn't happened, she would probably never have changed her ways and would still be basically an alcoholic. And she would never have fallen in love with Dan. 

As she came up to the sibling schools, she caught sight of Dan pacing around in their usual meeting place and breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Dan!" She called out to him, in a voice midway between her ecstasy at finding him still there and her crazy fear that he would take out a knife and stab her.

Dan turned to see Serena running toward him. He looked at her with an accidental tenderness that quickly melted away into a scowl. The past half-hour had been spent preparing himself to demand an explanation and listen intently to what she had to say, so he was totally ready to face her. She came up beside him and immediately took his hand in her own, at which point he chickened out. This wasn't happening—he wasn't going to sit here and force her to confess to cheating on him. He already had all the proof he needed, what more was there to say? Maybe he could forgive her for making a mistake. Maybe she had gotten drunk and wasn't thinking, or maybe Dan's nervous charms were just no match for Nate Archibald's handsome, stoned face.

Serena thought she would explode when she felt Dan pull his hand out of her grasp. "Please just listen to me, Dan. It's not at all how you think it is—"

He cut her off, feeling far too panicky to have 'the talk' and hating his own cowardice. "I don't think I can do this right now, Serena. I have a test to get to." And with that, he sprinted off in the opposite direction, cursing himself for being such a wimp.

* * *

Blair waited impatiently for Serena to show up in assembly, wanting to give her best friend a piece of her mind. Just because Blair didn't care about Nate in that way anymore didn't give Serena a right to start something up again. And what about Cabbage Patch? That was probably the bigger issue here. Sure, Blair would make her work for it for a week or so, but in the end it would be forgiveness and Bendel's all over again. Would Dan be as understanding, though? 

"Who does she think she is, coming over after what's she done?" Blair heard Kati whisper to Iz, who responded, "Slut!" in the nastiest voice possible. She turned and saw Serena heading over, so she motioned to her minions that they had better make room. She wanted to make it perfectly clear that social annihilation was not the next step in this game. As soon as Serena sat down next to her, though, Blair gave her a little taste of the ice that was to come in the form of a short glare before turning away.

"Oh, B. Please don't tell me you believe it's true, too," Serena pleaded in a dejected whisper. _Guess she already talked to Dan, _Blair thought wearily. She sounded so defeated that Blair couldn't help but melt like an ice cream sundae on a hot summer day.

She let out her breath in one short sigh, knowing she wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. "Why shouldn't I think it's true, S? It's not like this has never happened before." She bit her lip after saying that. She didn't want to be so cruel to Serena, but this was the only way she could express herself sometimes. What she had wanted to say was that she knew nothing had happened, but seeing that picture still brought back memories of her best friend's original betrayal and all those months Blair had to spend alone because of it.

Serena closed her eyes, fighting off the tears that were fast approaching. "Trust me, B, please. I'm your best friend, and I would **never **hurt you like that. Not anymore."

Blair slowly turned back to her and gave her a sweet smile, discreetly putting her arm around Serena's shoulder. "I know, I'm sorry I'm such a bitch sometimes. We'll make sure Dan gets it, okay?" She rubbed her friend's back, making sure no one in the auditorium would notice. They had all better see that Blair Waldorf wasn't going to turn her back on her best friend. But more importantly, they had to see that Serena Van der Woodsen knew just how to weather this storm.


	20. UES Lessons In How Not To Deal

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Nate tries to get the truth out; Dan tries to listen

**Ch. 20: UES Lessons In How Not To Deal**

Nate entered the girls' hall cautiously, avoiding the stares and whispers all around him. He slumped down on a bench and pretended to admire the brick red walls, unsure of precisely what he was doing there or who he was even hoping to see. His mind was made up for him, though, when he saw Jenny walking alone to the water fountain. He picked up his backpack and moved toward her with lightning speed, catching up to her before she could even take a drink.

"Hey, Jenny. Can I talk to you?" Jenny was startled to hear a guy's voice in the middle of the girls' hall, and was even more surprised when she turned to find Nate Archibald standing in front of her. She didn't know what to think or how to react—on the one hand, they were supposed to be friends, and yet he was the guy that was threatening to ruin her brother's relationship. _Not only that._ She didn't want to admit it, because it was just so juvenile and silly, but seeing Nate and Serena together had upset her a little more than anticipated. Jenny was feeling like a total teenybopper, crushing on some unattainable older guy, but she just couldn't help it. He always had that lost look that made her think—even though he was older, hopefully wiser, and generally more experienced—she could be the one to point him in the right direction. But not anymore.

"What could you possibly want to talk about?" She asked him, in a brittle, cold voice. He had to understand that she'd be bitter after what happened to her brother.

Nate looked down at the floor, ashamed and embarrassed, and he tried to explain himself as best he could. "I just…I want you to know that what Gossip Girl said—it's not true. I mean, yeah, I spent the night at Serena's, but literally nothing happened. It's just a thing we used to do, and it was stupid of me to stay, but it wasn't Serena's fault at all. She didn't even know I was there, as creepy as that makes me sound."

She didn't know whether she believed him or not, but the mere fact that he was explaining himself to her was making her head spin. Flustered, she replied, "It's not like it matters to me, personally. You can do whatever you want with whomever you want. It's just…Dan's my brother, so…"

Now Nate looked her straight in the eye, determined to convince her of the truth. "That's just it, though. Nothing happened, I promise. Dan's got nothing to worry about."

Jenny gave him a small smile, slightly reassured. "Why are you telling me all this?" She asked shyly.

"Well, I was hoping you could do me the favor of passing that information on to Dan. He needs to know the truth, but I don't think he'll listen to anything I have to say." She nodded slowly, feeling a little let down. He continued, in that same shy tone she had used earlier, "And…I wanted** you** to know because, well, it matters what you think of me."

She giggled a little bit, feeling that girly crush bubbling up again, but her reverie was quickly cut short by a passing Blair Waldorf. "If you want to get back on my good side, Little J," Blair called out, barely even glancing in their direction, "talking to Nate is one thing you will _not_ be doing."

Jenny cringed a little, knowing that nothing was more important to her right now than getting back on her tormentor's good side. With an apologetic (not to mention masochistic) smile, she whispered, "I'll tell Dan," before waving goodbye and scampering off behind Blair. As he watched her go, Nate heaved a huge sigh. _Great_. Now he only had Chuck, who was probably the reason this whole stupid thing happened in the first place.

* * *

Serena put her head down on a wooden picnic table in the courtyard, attempting to erase all the _skank_s and _go back to Connecticut_'s. Normally she could take anything from anyone—and it had been fine whenever Blair was with her—but in her moments alone, the idea that Dan was thinking the same thing as everyone else left her defenseless. She hadn't seen or spoken to him since he ran away from her in the morning, even though she had tried calling him all throughout lunch. She was just gathering herself to find Blair and go home (she had been excused from class a few minutes early and didn't want anyone to see her in this state when school let out), when she felt someone's presence beside her. Silently praying it was Dan, she whipped herself around only to find that it was Nate. Her face fell and she couldn't even try to cover it up, but he didn't seem too offended. 

"I'm so sorry, Serena," were the first words out of his mouth, "This is probably the dumbest thing I've ever done."

She gave him an almost imperceptible nod and a tiny laugh. She thought about leaving, since she was still a little angry with him for staying over in the first place, but it was so comforting to be around someone who knew the truth that she just kept standing in the same spot. "I just don't know what to do, Nate," her voice came out in almost a whisper, rich with the sound of the tears she was choking back, "No one but Blair will believe me. **He** won't believe me, he won't talk to me…" She let the words fade away and closed her eyes as Nate pulled her into a strong embrace, kissing the top of her head and whispering, "I'm sorry" in her ear over and over again.

Dan ran out of Physics the second the bell rang, intent on finding Serena and apologizing for being an asshole. She had probably gone through the worst day ever and he had helped her out by refusing to believe or speak to her. _I sure am the best boyfriend a girl could ask for_. His sister, Jenny, had called between classes to inform him that Nate declared the gossip to be just that and had taken the blame fully upon himself. Dan couldn't think of a single reason why Nate would say that if it weren't true, since obviously that guy would **want** Dan and Serena broken up—but the fact that he was taking the word of some guy he basically hated when he hadn't taken his own girlfriend's was making him uneasy. He pushed these thoughts roughly away as he walked out into the courtyard, but they all came rushing back when he spotted his girlfriend wrapped in the strong, masculine arms of Nate Archibald.

Unable to contain himself, he went into full-on attack mode: he strode over to where they were, grabbed Nate by the back of his uniform jacket, and yanked him as forcefully away from Serena as he could. Serena let out a small scream as Nate almost came crashing to the ground, but he quickly regained his balance and swiveled around to face Dan. "Get the hell away from her!" Dan yelled, paradoxically forgetting to sound menacing in all his anger.

"Listen to me, man. This isn't what it looks like—" Nate said calmly, trying to placate the little Brooklyn fireball.

Dan thought about punching him, but he didn't want to get suspended, so he just pushed Nate once more and said through his gritted teeth, "Leave. Right now."

Serena felt like she was about to cry all over again. "Dan, you _know_ nothing happened," she pleaded, reaching out to caress his arm. "I wouldn't do that, I'm a different person now."

Dan sighed, calming down a little bit but still feeling distinctly brokenhearted. "I came out here to apologize, Serena, and then I find **this**? What am I supposed to make of that?"

"He was just comforting me," she began to explain, but then felt herself get really angry. _Why_ should she have to give him any explanation? "God, Dan. You say you love me, but then you can't even trust me on this one thing."

"I want to trust you. I really do, I just don't know if I can right now."

"If you can't trust me, what kind of relationship do we have?"

"Maybe we don't have one, then." And with that, Dan walked away, leaving Serena completely alone in the middle of the campus-wide after-school exodus.


	21. An AB Conversation

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Blair makes Angélica an offer she just might be able to refuse…

**Ch. 21: An A-B Conversation**

Blair left Serena's bedroom quietly as she could, silently reminding herself to hurry back in case she was needed for anything. She had come home with her after school and had just managed to lull her best friend into a fitful sleep. She felt bad about abandoning the poor girl at that moment, but there was something she had to take care of. She started heading towards Chuck's room, but a slim, brunette figure chatting pleasantly with Lily Van der Woodsen-Bass in the living room caught her eye as she passed the staircase. Quickly smoothing out her spiced-up uniform and polishing her weapons for attack, she headed calmly down the stairs to engage in some heavy-duty combat.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Van der Woodsen," Blair called out gaily as she entered the sitting room. "It's such a pleasure to see you!" She greeted Serena's mother with their usual exchange of air kisses and then allowed herself to be reintroduced to her current nemesis.

"Blair, darling, have you met…Angela…?" Lily looked at the young girl questioningly, aware that she made a mistake but unsure of what the correct pronunciation was. Angélica just smiled, for she had long ago given up on repeating her name to clueless adults. It wasn't their fault their tongues didn't work that way, so why torture them? Figuring from the girl's encouraging nod that she had been right all along, Lily continued, "She's Chuck's new friend." In fact, Lily was more than pleased to have come across a young, properly dressed lady waiting for her stepson in the apartment that afternoon. After everything she had been told about Chuck Bass over the years, she had been worried about what she was getting into—but this girl seemed like the respectable type. A good sign that Chuck was heading down an acceptable path.

Blair reacted with her best-bred behavior, the kind she reserved only for unsuspecting Upper East Side adults before she let loose on their children. "Yes, of course, I've had classes with her in the past." She held out her arm for a firm handshake and said brightly, "I'm sure that _Angela_ here will do our dear Charles a world of good."

Lily excused herself to attend a parents' board meeting with her husband and left the two girls to become, she hoped, fast friends.

Of course, the second Lily disappeared from view, Blair let her mask drop but kept her anger well in check. Couldn't very well show her hand so soon, now could she? "Are you and Chuck…going on a date?" She asked, feigning excessive interest and watching carefully for even the most minimal reactions in her rival.

Angélica raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow (which was a surprisingly new feeling, since she had never touched her eyebrows before). "Yes, we are," she responded. "Is that a problem?"

"For you, maybe. I'd be careful, because I'm almost positive this is Chuck's first date. He probably won't know what to do." Blair giggled in spite of herself, imagining the overwrought gestures he would probably try to pull and all the horrible ways it would go wrong. He would probably end up irreparably embarrassing his date and still manage to get someone else kicked out of the restaurant.

"Actually, it can't be his first date. We went out Monday night, too." Angélica was actually pleased with how well it had turned out. Even though the better part of the evening had been spent teaching him what to say at any given moment, she had actually enjoyed herself. And she thought maybe he had, too. He wasn't one for genuine smiles, so whenever she was partly the reason for him to don one she would feel ridiculously excited.

Blair colored a little bit. "Oh?" Chuck had gone on his first date and it hadn't been with her? Somehow, she had never before felt as jealous as she did in that instant. _Hypocrite_, she scolded herself. She'd been going on dates with Nate for years now. Chuck could do whatever he wanted. It wasn't her business—yet. "What did you two do?"

"Oh, you know. Dinner and a play, the usual," Angélica responded nonchalantly, even though she knew very well that with Chuck Bass that was most certainly not 'the usual.' Clearly, from the look on Blair's face, **she** knew it too.

"What play was it?" She was trying hard to keep her voice casual, but it was getting harder and harder to not sound like effing Torquemada in the Spanish Inquisition.

Angélica pretended to think about the name for a long while, but she was really just stalling a little bit. All she had to do was drop Blair the smallest clue and those two could easily get back together. After all, that's what she was here to do, and what could be more fulfilling than playing matchmaker to two oblivious UES adolescents? The only problem was she didn't want the game to end yet. Sure, partly it was because she liked the dinners and free tickets, but she liked Chuck's sardonic jokes and fashion statements, too. Finally, she took a deep breath and said, "Oh, right. I think it was called….**I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change**."

Blair remembered seeing it for the first time the year before, while Serena was away at boarding school. Nate had gotten them tickets, but then a family reunion had come up and he was whisked away to Connecticut. She had coerced Chuck into going with her instead and, caught up in the drama of the evening and the music and everything, she had confessed something incredibly silly to him. At the end of the show, one of the members of the audience had gotten up on stage and proposed to his girlfriend in front of everyone. Of course, she had said yes and they had embraced as the curtain came down and the world seemed to cheer them on. At that moment she had turned to Chuck and whispered dreamily in his ear, 'That's **exactly** how I want to be proposed to.' In that moment, it hadn't mattered that it wasn't original or elegant or even _proper_. There was something about such a public display of love and devotion, about the idea of everyone in the world supporting you in your choice and your happiness, which was simply irresistible. She had justified telling him by assuming that he would pass the information along to his best friend, thus furthering her perfect relationship. But now she had a feeling Nate had never found out. "That's my favorite show," she finally said, almost accusingly.

_Obviously it's her favorite show_, Angélica thought, a little annoyed. As if Chuck hadn't mentioned that like 50 times throughout the night. Blair Waldorf was managing to destroy her nerves without even lifting a finger. "Looks like we have similar tastes, then," she offered, letting the double meaning hang in the air without clarification.

Blair's patience was shot. Throwing her hands up in something similar to despair, she burst out with "What is a girl like you doing with a guy like Chuck Bass, anyway?"

Angélica was genuinely offended for the first time she could remember. "**Excuse me?**" She spat out. "You think because my apartment only has one story, or my parents speak Spanish, I'm not good enough for him or something?"

Rolling her eyes in her best approximation of an apology, Blair recanted. "Not at all. What I meant was—you seem like a great girl. Why would you want anything to do with him? He's a womanizer and a jerk. You can't possibly _like_ him."

Her rival smiled a little. "What, and only **you** can afford to have such low standards?"

Damn. Either this girl was really good at reading people or Blair just sucked at shutting them out. Realizing she had been caught, Blair made a desperate attempt at bartering. "What can I offer you that would make you leave?"

"You're joking. I can assure you that you have nothing I could want."

"No, what do you want from me? Anything. Seriously." Blair couldn't believe she was saying these things. What the hell was wrong with her? But she just kept going. "Do you want to sit on the steps for lunch? Do you want one of Eleanor's dresses? Money?"

Angélica covered her mouth to keep from laughing. She knew she should be even more offended now than before, but this was just too adorable. "Oh, my God," she finally breathed at last. "I don't believe it. You two really _do_ deserve each other."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Blair felt her face grow hot, flustered as she was by the embarrassing position she had just put herself in.

"You can have him. It's too perfect." She bowed down in a mocking show of respect to her Queen and turned to leave. Before she walked out the door, she turned back and called out, "I will take you up on that lunch offer, though." And with a wink and a laugh, she disappeared.


	22. BC Could Be OTP

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Chuck and Blair snark their way around romance…

**Ch. 22: BC Could Be OTP**

Chuck turned the shower head off and wrapped his lower half in a towel before exiting the bathroom. He knew he was running late for his date and Angélica was waiting downstairs for him—he was already breaking the first rule before the date had even begun. Truthfully, he didn't feel up to going on a fake date tonight. He had seen his stepsister looking like a wreck at assembly and had watched Dan suffer through the test in English. Maybe he wouldn't get a perfect score on this one, something which would normally make Chuck gloat but actually made him feel pretty bad in this particular instance. None of it would matter, though, if his man Nathaniel could be happy. But Nate hadn't seemed too great at lunch, either. Serena had been avoiding him in the morning and he kept getting unwanted reactions from passersby. He didn't say anything to Chuck about it directly, but it was pretty obvious that he wasn't thinking 'Thank you.'_Really not your finest work, Bass._ He heard a knock on the door and answered, "I'm not ready yet!" Apparently, the person didn't care whether he was ready or not, because the door opened anyway and in stepped Blair Waldorf.

Blair entered Chuck's room and immediately had the wind knocked out of her by the sight of his glistening body, wrapped only in a towel. He wasn't all that lean or muscular, but he was still well formed and altogether breathtakingly gorgeous. She realized she hadn't ever really_ looked_ at him naked; she had always been too focused on getting his clothes physically off to worry too much about how he looked once he wasn't wearing them anymore. She blushed a deep crimson and turned away slightly.

Chuck noticed the color that sprang across Blair's face and felt self-conscious for the first time ever. What was she thinking right now? He looked down at himself. He wasn't nearly toned enough. Why had he never taken Nathaniel up on those morning runs? He vowed to start exercising from them on, but for now he should probably get some clothes on. Somehow, though, he couldn't bring himself to move. "B…" he greeted her while attempting to pull himself together mentally. "Not the best time, as you can see."

Blair was ashamed that she was feeling so awkward and decided it was all Chuck's fault for not properly covering himself in the first place, so even though she already clearly had the upper hand, she thought it would be best to widen the divide just a little more. "I came to chew you out, jerk. I can't believe you would do that to Serena. How could you hurt her like that?"

Chuck momentarily forgot about his disheveled state now that he had been put on the defensive. Even though he agreed that what he had done was callous and cruel, he wasn't going to let Blair know that. "You're one to talk," he said mockingly. "Like you've never done anything to hurt Serena before."

"All right, that's true," she conceded with a scoff. "But that was before she turned into this sweet, innocent angel who would never betray anyone."

Chuck racked his brain to come up with an excuse. "I was trying to **help** her, okay? Show her she doesn't need some pretentious asshole from Brooklyn to be a 'good girl.'"

"Well, Dan is the most important thing in her life—other than me, of course—and you totally ruined it. She's devastated." She searched Chuck's eyes for any sign of remorse and once she caught a glimmer of it, she latched on and refused to let go. "Did you think you were helping Nate or something? Let me tell you, you haven't helped him at all. Serena doesn't want to see him or speak to him anymore, so he's got no chance now." Taking a deep breath, she went in for the kill. "And what about _me_, Chuck? Maybe I don't care about Nate in that way anymore, but you didn't think it would hurt me just a little bit to see him chasing after my best friend so soon after our break up? If I had believed your stupid text, Serena and I would be fighting again." The way he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples was more of an apology than she could ever hope for, so she softened her tone. "Don't you ever think about consequences?"

He sighed. He **didn't** think about consequences, that was exactly the problem. That was why he had unwittingly ruined Blair's cotillion and lost her seemingly forever. Maybe he would never learn. Nonetheless, he avoided the question and instead asked, "Does Serena know it was me?"

"No," Blair responded sarcastically. "She thinks someone broke into the apartment just to take a picture of her and send it to Gossip Girl." Almost laughing, she burst out with, "_Of course_ she knows it was you, Chuck. She's trusting, not retarded."

"Shit," he breathed, deeply regretting being so rash the night before. Just when he and Serena were starting to get along again, too.

" 'Shit' is right," she nodded in agreement. She paused to let Chuck think about his actions before either making his day or making a complete fool of herself. "You better fix this. By tomorrow."

Chuck eyed her warily, "What if I don't want to?" Of course, he _did_ want to, he just loved playing Devil's advocate.

Sighing, she just let it out. "You don't have a choice. I need Serena to feel completely comfortable with the idea of you and I being together. And that won't happen unless you apologize and send Dan running back to her."

He didn't hear a single word after "together." Reeling from the shock and unable to believe his good luck, he didn't even care that his jaw dropped basically to the floor or that he looked like a wide-eyed idiot. Who knew she would get so jealous of Angélica so quickly? _Ang—oh, crap._ He remembered she was probably somewhere in the apartment and started freaking out on the inside. If she decided to come check on him, he would be so screwed. Him in a towel, with another girl in the house: it was the perfect recipe for yet another Blair-related disaster. His situation with her was already precarious enough as it was, he couldn't have her grabbing the first excuse to take back the words she had just said.

Blair smirked as she saw Chuck looking uncomfortably past her to the door. "Who are you looking for, Bass?" She asked, closing the door behind her. "She's already gone."

Though he breathed a momentary sigh of relief, he was immediately suspicious. "What did you say to her? She's nice, I hope you didn't scare her too badly."

She shook her head, laughing at him good-naturedly. "Why would I do anything to _her_?** You're** the one who paid her to make me jealous."

He made a face, pretending to take offense. "I didn't _pay_ her," he clarified. "I simply made her an offer of payment, which she subsequently refused." Then his smirk was back and he even raised an eyebrow to go along with it. "It worked, though, didn't it? Here you are, after all."

Blair rolled her eyes and pulled him toward her. "Just shut up and kiss me." So he did, a long and hard kiss filled with all the pent-up frustration of the past month. Those butterflies had finally found somewhere to go after all. He held her face with one hand and caressed the length of her arm and collarbone with the other, all the while guiding her backwards to his bed until she took control, falling on top of him and into his comforter. Their kisses and groans were growing more and more passionate by the minute and, unable to take the clothes between them any longer, Chuck flawlessly set about unbuttoning her school uniform.

She bit his ear playfully and teased in a whisper, "Taking my clothes off for me? I'm impressed. I just hope that's not one of the things your girlfriend taught you."

He stopped for a second, searching her face to see if she was joking. "Blair, we didn't—" he began to explain, but she quieted his worries with another kiss. Relieved, he flung her clothes down on the ground and took a moment to look her over. She still had on her bra and panties (an adorable matching black lace set from La Perla), but this was still the most he had ever really seen of Blair Waldorf. He ran his hands through her hair and over her entire body, making sure to kiss every part of her he had missed the first few times they had been together. She started to undo his towel, fumbling a little bit more than he had done when shedding her clothes for her, but was interrupted by Erik Van der Woodsen's shocked expression peering through the doorway.

"Jesus, Erik!" Blair cried out. It was probably the last person in the world she'd ever want to see her in this state, since Erik had always been like a little brother to her (especially during the years that Serena spent all her time drunk—Blair had taken more care of him than his own family). Chuck graciously threw some sheets over her to cover her up, and went to shut the door in his stepbrother's face.

"I'm sorry, Chuck… I need my homework, please," Erik called out through the door.

"Where is it?" Chuck asked, refusing to open it back up again.

"In my backpack." So Chuck grabbed the offending backpack, cracked the door open and stuffed Erik's things through the tiny space. "Thanks?" The younger Van der Woodsen said nervously as the door shut on him once more. Once he was fully on the other side, he felt a little safer and thus yelled out, "Good seeing you, Blair!"

"Don't ever come in this room without knocking, you got that?" Chuck growled back. Then he grinned at Blair and got back on the bed. "So…where were we?"

Blair tried to smile back at him, but seeing Erik had made her uncomfortable enough to reevaluate the situation. "Maybe now's not the best time for…this," she said with difficulty, gently pushing him away.

Chuck, surprisingly, backed off as requested and looked at her questioningly. "Why, what's wrong?"

She let out a long sigh. What **was** wrong? She had been wanting this for long enough, hadn't she? But maybe that was it—she had gone to Chuck that first night in the limo thinking 'this' was all he had to give. He had made her feel beautiful and desired through the sheer force of his sexual energy, but that wasn't all there was to him and she knew that now. There was something real between them that she had been trying to deny this whole time, but _that_ was what she wanted to explore now. But how was she supposed to say these things to _him_? "I just…" Maybe it was best to go with the most practical of her objections first. "You know that I just had that dumb pregnancy scare, and I still haven't gotten birth control or anything… I mean, sex is the reason why I've been made into an outcast for the majority of this semester…"

Chuck looked away, embarrassed, because he knew that was his fault, too. What was there that _wasn't_ his fault anymore?

Blair looked at him seriously for a few seconds before breaking her gaze and saying, "The thing is, I really want us to be able to start over here, forget about all those stupid things we've done to hurt each other. And the way we started the first time—not that it wasn't unforgettable and amazing and everything I could have wanted, even if I didn't know it at the time—it's not how I want to envision our relationship in the future." She shook her head, unsure if any of her words were making sense, and kept her eyes downcast. She didn't want to look at him because she was scared of what he might be thinking right now. Would he just get pissed off and leave? She wanted to believe he felt something more than simple lust, and quite a few things had led her to think that was the case, but she couldn't know for sure. This was the final test, and she silently prayed he would pass.

Chuck started picking her articles of clothing off the floor, giving himself some time to formulate a response. What did he think about this turn of events? On the one hand, his blood was still boiling from unfulfilled passion and he felt even stupider than before: sitting around in a towel having his advances spurned and rejected. But on the other hand, Blair had referred to what they had as a 'relationship' and had talked about a 'future'—both words which scared the shit out of him but made him indescribably happy at the same time. How could he even think about demanding sex from her if she wasn't ready (no matter how difficult it was for him to believe that anyone could ever **not** be ready), when it was already a miracle that she liked him in the first place? He placed her uniform in her lap and, seeing how distressed she looked, lifted her chin with his hand. "Hey, look at me," he whispered. "I'd rather **talk** to you than sleep with anyone else. So this is not a problem, okay?" He kissed her forehead a little awkwardly, but with a comforting tenderness that more than made up for it.

She nodded, smiling again as she zipped up her skirt. "I've got to go check on Serena, and you've got to go make Dan see the light."

As she headed for the door, Chuck asked, "How about I only ravish you once a week, Waldorf?"

Blair rolled her eyes. "The next time I'm here, Bass," she offered as a response, "there better be a lock on your door."


	23. CDs And Broken Records

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Chuck goes to patch things up with Dan…

**Ch. 23: CDs And Broken Records**

Dan Humphrey clutched his pillow in rage and let out one of his infamous "Nate Archibaaaaald!!" Tarzan yells as Angélica cautiously nuzzled Cedric against his neck. He tried unsuccessfully to bat his Cabbage Patch away, but quickly gave up and let himself be mauled to death by a stuffed doll. He felt kind of bad for bringing her all the way down to Brooklyn just so she could watch him fall apart, but he really needed someone right then and didn't know who else to turn to. Sure, he could have called Vanessa and she would have rushed over in a heartbeat, but he somehow knew that Vanessa would be secretly glad. Even if she didn't show it and commiserated with him as best she could, he would be able to read the silent "I told you so" in her eyes. He had thought about calling his best (and only) guy friend, Zeke, but he wouldn't understand what to do or say since he'd never had a girlfriend. Besides, he didn't think he could take any comments about Serena being a slut, which Zeke would be sure to make as a form of 'comfort'. Even if she had cheated on him, he still loved her. Why did he have to fall for the one girl guaranteed to destroy him?

"Are you done yet?" Angélica asked kindly. She had brought him some tea from Rufus at least fifteen minutes ago, which he still hadn't drunk. It was probably cold and gross now, but at least it would give him something to do other than pound his fists against the bedpost like the hipster-emo boy he was. She sighed, thinking she hadn't been very helpful to poor Dan, but she didn't know what else she could say. She was already going through her own turmoil, as insignificant as it was. _Pretty sure I'll never be meddling in the lives of East Siders again_, she thought glumly.

Dan nodded. "Sorry for being so dramatic," he said. "But thanks for coming." He took the offered tea and started sipping it slowly, all the while making faces at the disgusting taste.

"It has Kava Kava in it," she said by way of explanation. "I think it's supposed to help you calm down or something."

"Oh, right," he laughed in spite of himself, "because I'm acting like a lunatic. Thanks."

Before she could respond, Rufus knocked on the door on the door lightly. He didn't dare come in because he knew Dan needed his space right now, so he instead called out, "Dan, there's a…friend here to see you." He'd never really seen his son hang out with this kid, and the boy's very presence made him uncomfortable (he still had a hard time dealing with any reminders), but he didn't know what other word to use.

Dan sighed, assuming it was Vanessa actually learning to use the door, and agreed to see his visitor. How could he turn her away after such an accomplishment? When the door opened, though, Dan realized that either Vanessa had gotten a sex change, or he had been very, very wrong. "Chuck," he said, his greeting coming out more like a startled bark. "What's up?" He racked his mind in case he had forgotten they were partnered for an English project or something, but he couldn't come up with any reason for Chuck's mysterious presence.

"Hey, man. Angelica," he addressed each of them with a small nod, sticking his hands in his jacket pocket.

Angélica responded first, nodding curtly at him and then making up a plausible excuse to leave: "I just need to go back and help my mom grade papers, which I should be getting paid for, but whatever," she mumbled, more to Dan than to Chuck. Then she bounced out of the room without another word.

Chuck watched her go, a little confused by the cold reception, and turned back to Dan with a questioning look. "What's her problem?"

Dan, meanwhile, felt a light bulb go off on top of his head. _Of course_. Angélica had been helping Chuck out, and now he had done something to screw it up. That, or… Dan shook his head mildly, unable to contemplate the other possibility. "I can't tell you under pain of death," he answered with intense severity, "but I can assure you it's very serious. I'm taking her to the doctor tomorrow to have it checked out."

Chuck just snorted and rolled his eyes in response. What did you do after greeting a person, before telling them you are solely responsible for destroying important parts of their lives? "Blair and I are together," he announced suddenly. _Oh, that's good. Let him compare his broken relationship to your newly fixed one. Awesome._ It felt weird telling Dan Humphrey something so personal when he hadn't even informed Nate yet. "I mean, I don't even know if she wants to keep it a secret or not—"

"I'm going to go with 'yes.' Always yes," Dan interrupted, relieved he hadn't yet lost the will to try and fail to be witty.

Chuck continued as if the interruption hadn't occurred. "—But I just thought that since you helped me with that, I should…" What were those words again? _Oh, right_. "Thank you." The words came out far more accusingly than intended, but at least he had gotten his point across.

Dan nodded slowly, a little taken aback by the streak of kindness surging inside of him. It felt more than a little uncomfortable, being in a room with Chuck Bass and not wanting to kick the crap out of him. "Uh, no problem?" Then a short silence fell over the room, until Dan remembered that Chuck was now related to Serena. "Is that the only reason you're here?" he asked suspiciously.

Chuck momentarily wondered if he should have worn a hockey mask to protect his fragile face. "I'm here about Serena," he finally answered.

Dan let himself fall back onto the bed and rested his head against his hands. "The fact that she's sending **you**, no offense, to do her dirty work… This is reaching an all-time low."

"She did _not_ send me," Chuck scoffed; annoyed at the idea that he was doing Serena's bitch work. Even though he was actually doing Blair's bitch work, but whatever. "I just think you should know literally nothing happened between Serena and Nate. Nathaniel's basically a prude. They probably didn't even touch each other in their sleep." Maybe he could get out of this without ever having to reveal his part in the scandal.

"How the hell would you know?" Dan jumped up off his bed again, suddenly feeling very defensive. "You knew what she was like before—you loved it, as a matter of fact. What makes _you_ suddenly trust her so much?"

Maybe not. Chuck let all his air out in one sharp breath. Preemptively apologizing to his eyes, he responded, "I live there, Humphrey. I know what happened because I _saw_ it happen."

"What does that mean?"

"**I** sent the text to Gossip Girl, okay? It was me." And just like that, Chuck found himself pinned up against the garage door leading to Jenny's room, with a very angry Dan breathing down his neck.

"I'm going to _kill_ you, you sick bastard!" Dan yelled through gritted teeth, grabbing Chuck by the neck and choking him. "Why the hell would you do that?" No response. "Answer me, you son of a bitch!"

Chuck struggled to get out of Dan's iron grip (or to just breathe, he wasn't very picky). He managed to get out a "Can't…speak…" and felt Dan release him and throw him down to the floor. He welcomed the cold feeling of the ground beneath him.

"Speak now, then, asshole. Why'd you do it?"

Chuck slowly returned to a standing position and brushed himself off, saying, "Just so you know, you can still get arrested for assault. Even in Brooklyn," but Dan didn't listen and instead grabbed the lapel of his jacket and pushed him against the wall once more. At least he didn't choke him this time. "Contractual obligations, okay?" Chuck spluttered. "I promised Nathaniel I'd help him get Serena, and I thought I could just exploit your inability to think well of her."

Dan narrowed his eyes, refusing to release his victim again. "Excuse me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Look," Chuck explained, surprised at his own insight and maybe, even, cunning. "I know I messed up by sending that picture, okay? That was shitty. But you not being able to trust your own girlfriend when she denies it? That's **all** on you, man." Immediately Dan let him go and Chuck's full-on smirk made a nasty comeback. "You screwed up _big time_, Daniel. You better hope she can forgive you as often as you judge her."

Dan sank into his desk chair, the weight of Chuck's words hitting him like a ton of bricks. This **was** entirely his fault. Sure, he had some minimal evidence that Serena had lied to him, but if she said the sky was red, then the sky was effing red until proven otherwise. And even after. She had trusted him with the ability to get her expelled from school, and he couldn't even trust her with a simple explanation. It wasn't that much of a stretch—they were working on a project and just fell asleep. It's not like Vanessa had never spent the night before. Maybe just when they were younger, but it's not like Serena had read all the dating rules or something. Maybe she didn't know how weird it was to have ex-lovers over when you had a boyfriend, he couldn't totally blame her for that. She was so innocent sometimes; she probably didn't even realize Nate still wanted her. Dropping his head into his hands, he asked in a muffled voice. "What can I do to make this better?"

Chuck was fully prepared to come to the rescue. He was starting to like being a hero almost as much as he liked being the villain who blew everything to pieces in the first place. But that didn't mean he couldn't gloat first. "Dan Humphrey is taking dating advice from **Chuck Bass**? The world really has gone to the dogs."


	24. Go For The Gold, D

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Blair and Serena have a pity party; Dan mans up…

**Ch. 24: Go For The Gold, D**

Blair returned from her short excursion to the nearest Duane Reade with a pint of Ben and Jerry's New York Super Chunk Fudge ice cream. Normally she wouldn't go anywhere near that fatty stuff, but this was a special occasion. After all, it had been awhile since Serena had truly needed her and Blair missed the satisfaction she got from playing Mom. She wouldn't actually **eat** any of the ice cream, of course—it would be enough that Serena _believed_ her to be partaking in the chocolatey goodness. Maybe, if she was feeling up to it, she'd take a bite or two. But that was it.

Serena and Blair got into their pajamas, albeit the fanciest ones they could find, and decided to spend a few hours forgetting about downtown boys tragically in love with uptown girls, opting instead to karaoke their little hearts out to such old favorites as "You Oughta Know" and "You're So Vain". When they had exhausted Serena's **Angry Breakup** iTunes playlist, they moved on to the Turner Classic Movie channel and started catching up on an Audrey Hepburn marathon. They had turned on the TV just in time to start **My Fair Lady**, which gave Blair ample opportunity to bitch and moan about how Dan was always trying to go all _Pygmalion_ on Serena, anyway, trying to turn her into his perfect vision instead of a flesh-and-blood creature of divine sexiness. Serena would agree whole-heartedly and slur insults directed at Prof. Higgins, because by this point she had already begun mixing her ice cream with gin, crying out that she'd rather be free to be a whore on her own than a slave to someone else.

That's when Blair pressed the mute button and said in all seriousness, "You're not a whore, S." Her best friend just laughed and hiccuped a little, causing Blair to snatch the alcohol away hastily and place it on a top shelf where Serena wouldn't think to reach for it until she was good and sober.

Serena continued laughing, but she was tearing up a little at the same time. "I must be. It's been over a year, B," she sniffed. "I've changed so much and yet no one will believe I'm any different." She cringed, thinking about all the terrible things the closest people in her life had told her, all of which she knew were true…somewhere, at least. _Doing who-knows-what with God-knows-who_, her own mother has accused. _I thought you were different_, a very disappointed Dan had mumbled upon first discovering her tryst with Nate. _I think you're more like me than you'd admit_. Even Chuck thought she was beneath him, and considering his history, that had to be saying something. _Brown doesn't offer degrees in Slut_. Her best friend hated her for sleeping with her boyfriend and ruining the two most important relationships in her life, to some degree, forever. What was the point of being good now if all these people still couldn't forget the past? There was no such thing as starting over; she didn't know why she'd ever bothered.

"Listen to me, S," Blair pleaded strongly, "**Everyone** knows you've changed, okay? No one believes this thing about you and Nate. You're a purer person than me, at this rate." She wrinkled her nose at the thought, trying to make Serena laugh with her self-effacing kindness.

But she wasn't having it, not right now. "_Dan_ believes it, and he's supposed to be the person who'll trust me no matter what," she sighed. "And my freaking step-brother is the one who sent the tip to Gossip Girl. **He** obviously believes me capable of it."

"You said it yourself, Serena. Chuck doesn't know any better. That kind of thing was programmed into his soul. Or maybe just his brain, since he probably doesn't have a soul." Blair winced imperceptibly as she said this, feeling a twinge of guilt for insulting Chuck and worrying over how she would ever tell Serena she had decided to date the guy who was destroying her best friend's first love.

Of course, Blair cutting Chuck down was the perfect opportunity for him to make his grand entrance. "As long as soulless bad boys turn you on, B, I think we're covered here." While she was deciding whether to give him an apologetic look or a warning one, he went ahead and made up her mind for her. "And S, for the love of all that is holy, quit whining about losing Humphrey Dumpty. I could hear your mangled cries from the street."

Serena glared angrily and threw her almost-empty ice cream carton at his face. He caught it swiftly in his right hand and proceeded to dip his fingers inside and lick off the remainder of the fudge flavor, giving Blair the cutest (yet simultaneously grossest) smile as he did. Serena turned away in disgust and Blair tried her best to not be turned on.

"Try to remember, dear sister, that there are bigger fish in the sea." Noticing her shoulders beginning to convulse the tiniest bit, he heaved a dramatic sigh and continued, "But seeing as you prefer sea monkeys to sharks, anyway, I think your best bet is to look outside your window and get it over with."

Serena finally turned to look at him inquiringly before doing as she was told. As she opened her curtains, she was confronted with the sight of Dan Humphrey holding a boom box over his head. And, of course, it was raining.

* * *

Dan stood outside, shivering despite the long coat he was wearing. It wasn't so much that it was pouring rain or anything, but it was coming down hard enough that he was worried the boom box would explode and he would get electrocuted or something. He wasn't really sure how that worked, so he decided he wouldn't bother too much thinking about it. He knew this idea was entirely unoriginal and he was quickly on his way to becoming the master of cheese, but he also knew it was the right thing to do when he heard Chuck grumble, "Who the hell do you think you are, Humphrey? John Cusack or something?" after one of his long-winded rants. That was when it hit him: the perfect apology. One of Serena's favorite movies was **Say Anything** and she and Dan had watched it together on more than one occasion. Granted, it helped a little that it was about a rich girl dating a poor boy with an inferiority complex, but he swore that for _once_ he wasn't trying to make this a class issue. This was a purely romantic, though ridiculous, gesture to show Serena he was utterly devoted to her. 

The moment he saw Serena peek out the window, he set about turning the device on and finding the perfect volume. Almost immediately, the dulcet tones of the Michael Cera and Ellen Paige version of "Anyone Else But You" floated through Park Avenue and up, he hoped, to his girlfriend's bedroom. They had watched **Juno** together soon after the pregnancy scare, as a way to celebrate the fact that she was not pregnant (even though she never really thought she was) and as a reminder to always, _always_ use condoms. Serena had fallen in love with the song and the cute way the two teenagers sang to each other and had been listening to it practically non-stop ever since. He saw a small smile, one she was clearly trying to hide, break out across her face and he knew he was on the right track. Determined to firmly secure her love by showing how much of an ass he could make of himself in her honor, he shakily (but loudly) began to sing the male parts of the song:

"_You're a part-time lover and a full-time friend  
The monkey on your back is the latest trend  
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else  
But you…_"

Serena started giggling and he grinned back at her. As the music played, he gave her an expectant look, like "you better sing, or else." She turned bright red, but eventually jumped in with the second verse as Blair and Chuck looked on in horror:

"_Here is the church and here is the steeple  
We sure are cute for two ugly people  
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else  
But you…_"

Then she covered her mouth, unable to believe how silly she was being. She heard him call up, "I'm sorry! Please come down here, this stereo is heavy," and then shut the curtain on him. She turned back to her best friend and step-brother, giving them a look full of embarrassment and then sitting down on the edge of her bed.

"What are you still doing here, S?" Blair asked in an exasperated tone. "Go get him!"

Serena let out a small sigh, "I just feel like I deserve to be angry a little longer or something." She was touched by his gesture, and of course she wanted to make up, but his lack of trust in her (however momentary it was) had been a huge blow.

"Can it, Van der Woodsen." Chuck said fiercely. "No one gets anywhere being angry all the time, trust me. You love him, he loves you, now get out of here before I vomit."

Both Blair and Serena stared at him with a mixture of confusion and admiration, but his words had the desired effect. Serena was out of there without even bothering to change out of her nightgown.

Now that they were alone, Blair gave him a special smile and slid up next to him. "Thank you for doing this for me," she said before giving him a soft, tempting kiss.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he breathed against her lips. "This is all for Humphrey, you know." Blair giggled and began leading him, in between kisses, out of Serena's room and into his own. Before she could open the door, though, he put his hand on the knob and whispered in her ear, "Don't you have something to tell Serena first?"

She gave him a curious look. "What do you mean?" she asked innocently. She knew she had to tell Serena, and she didn't think she had a problem with it. Well, maybe just that Serena knowing meant it was concrete: Blair's fairy tale was officially over and her real life had begun. Of course she _wanted_ to be part of reality once more, but she had been basically living a lie for so many years that it was painful to think it had all been for nothing.

Chuck could see the doubts in her eyes and grasped her hand passionately in his own. "I want you to listen to me, Waldorf. This time around, I am not settling. I don't care how many butterflies I have to murder, I will not stick around just to replay our history, you got that? I will not be an embarrassing secret you have to hide, and I will **not** be second-best. I am Chuck Bass, and I'm yours if you want. If you don't, then that's that."

His rousing speech had certainly made an impression. She wanted to kiss him again, more tenderly than ever before, but she smirked instead. "Been watching a little too much **Grey's Anatomy**, have we, Dr. Burke?"

Chuck smirked right back and pulled her downstairs. "Come on," he ordered in an adorably gruff voice. "We're going on a date."

Blair rolled her eyes as if the idea bothered her. "Fine," she relented. "But I'll pick the restaurant. Your training is clearly not finished yet, and I don't want to end up in some place with Japanese porn all over the walls."

* * *

Outside, Dan almost died of shock when he saw Serena come out wearing the sexiest lounging outfit he had ever seen. _If I had known making up would be this good, we'd be breaking up __**way**__ more often_. He immediately hit himself for thinking that vaguely Chuck-like thought, and his gentlemanly nature returned. "You must be so cold!" he fretted, setting the boom box down and taking off his coat. "Please, wear this." 

Serena put the coat on and crossed her arms, waiting for some kind of speech that would sweep her off her feet.

Dan coughed nervously. "Serena, look. You know I suck so bad at apologies, which, you know, is weird. Because I have to apologize to you for some reason or another every week, so I should have come up with a formula or something by now." Serena laughed that four year-old laugh of hers and Dan felt his heart instantly warm back up. "I literally need you in my life," he said solemnly. "I can't believe I was ever stupid enough to not trust you after all this time, and how wonderful you've been. You're my angel, Serena, and I am so scared of losing you all the time that I let the green monster of jealousy get to me. I promise it'll _never_ happen again." He took a deep breath and waited for her response.

She took a moment to think about his words. _Angel_ is what he said, like someone from Heaven who comes to save you. Which was funny, if she thought about it, because she always viewed him as** her **angel, come to rescue her from the shallow bitterness of the UES world. So here they were, both holding onto each other when they felt like they had nothing else. And as crazy as her world was, and as frustrating as his was sometimes, there was nothing that could ever be this right. She took his face in her hands and leaned her forehead against his. "You're never going to lose me, Dan," she said softly. And she knew it was one promise she would never break. Then he wrapped her in a full, perfect embrace and they succumbed to the melodramatic moment of kissing in the rain.

Soon enough, Blair and Chuck walked out of the building holding hands and Dan and Serena broke contact long enough to gape at them. Dan already knew, of course, but the vision of Chuck Bass actually holding hands with a girl was enough to drive any man blind and possibly insane. Blair caught Serena's eye and gave her a look somewhere between begging and defiance, as if she didn't want to see the disappointment in Serena's face—but if it was there she would still keep full steam ahead. Serena made sure she had on a bright smile for her best friend and even provided a nod of encouragement. She had already given her approval once before and wasn't about to rescind it now. Sure, she was shocked they had gone from hate to love so quickly, but it _was_ Blair and Chuck after all.

"So, I assume you know Chuck was the one to try to tear us apart, yes?" Dan asked goofily. Off of her nod, he continued in a more serious tone, "This brings us to a very important question. Given that he is the scum of the earth, can we still ship Chuck and Blair and have a conscience at the same time?"

Serena giggled and calmly replied, "He really seems to care about Blair. She deserves nothing less."

"Yet he deserves nothing _more_ than her. I guess that makes it a perfect match."


	25. It's Exhausting Being N

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Nate and Chuck discuss the options of the former…

Author's Note: So I know I haven't updated in an ungodly amount of time, and for that I apologize profusely. I had midterms and then Spring Break, and I never fell back into the writing state of mind. I wanted to start up again with a little ode to Nate and Chuck's friendship (my favorite on the show), so I hope you can take the fluff…

**Ch. 25: It's Exhausting Being N**

_Hey, Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl here…_

_Spotted: The Scheme Queens wining and dining at Daniel, known to be a hot spot for lovers and Francophiles everywhere. If you were wondering which of the two our favorite destruction duo falls under, worry no more. Rumor has it C planted at least one big wet one on B by the end of the night. How brave, B, to show the world you're not ashamed of being the latest toy in C's collection. Or is B just the thing this bad boy needs to turn good? I'm dying to find out. The real question is: how does N feel about this development? He's already lost his golden girl (guess Brooklyn has some appeal, after all) and now his back-up plan's gone for good. But don't cry, my little Waspoid prince, you'll always have me._

_XOXO,_

_Gossip Girl_

Nate sighed as he let his head fall back onto his pillow, clicking off his phone and throwing it carelessly on his nightstand. Chuck had already talked to him late last night about getting together with Blair, and Nate had smiled and nodded for his friend, but that didn't mean it stung any less to read about it on Gossip Girl and have a picture of his best friend and his girlfriend figuratively smack him in the face. _No,_ he immediately corrected himself. Not girlfriend—not anymore. And certainly not 'his.' He hadn't appreciated Blair enough for her to ever truly be _his_. He had spent his entire life in a hazy daze, occasionally being prodded in some direction by his parents, by Blair, maybe by an overly concerned teacher or two. Now here he was, waking up after the end of the world, as alone as he had been all along. Only this time, everyone on the Upper East Side knew about it. There was a part of him that felt relieved, happy that he no longer had to pretend for others or lie to himself. His dad was doing extremely well in rehab, he was finally speaking civilly to his mom again, Chuck was still his best friend, and Blair was glowing once more with that happiness he himself could never have given her. Sure, he had irrevocably lost Serena (Chuck had remembered to mention that, as well) without ever having her in the first place, but that was really for the best. He'd much rather a happy-go-lucky Serena with some other guy than one who was only the ghost of her former self with Nate.

But what was he supposed to do now? The idea of flying solo for the first time since practically kindergarten, while freeing and exhilarating, was already scaring the hell out of him. Sure, he and Blair had technically been broken up for well over a month now, but it hadn't really hit home that they would never be together again…until now, that is. Gossip Girl was right, he _did_ always see Blair Waldorf as his back-up plan. And he hated himself for it. _Oh, well_, he thought. As Chuck would say to him, _Time to get back on that horse and ride it hard_. Not that he had ever truly been on the horse. Where the hell was he going to get some lessons? And when would he stop using ridiculous metaphors that got him nowhere?

Shrugging off the rest of his morose thoughts, he quickly changed into his uniform and headed downstairs to wait for Chuck's limo. He guessed they were probably going to have another one of their 'talks,' which had been occurring with increasing frequency in this version 2.0 of their friendship. Thinking it would be better to just get it out of the way, he initiated the conversation as soon as he stepped foot in the limo.

"So, looks like you're back to 'tapping that ass,' man. Feels good?" The mildly uncomfortable look on Chuck's face made Nate realize he should probably choose his words more carefully. He hadn't meant for his statement to come out as crass (or as bitter) as it obviously had. Besides, he clearly wasn't cut out to make those kinds of comments—they suited Chuck infinitely more. "Sorry, that came out wrong," he laughed a little to put his friend back at ease. "I'm just bummed I've only got Gossip Girl left to comfort me."

Chuck smirked, allowing Nate to breathe easy knowing all was well, but he still wasn't entirely sure of how this was going to work out for them. Blair was still mad at Nate, which would make it impossible for the three of them to hang out together. Serena was probably going to feel a little awkward for at least another week, which left only Chuck himself to fill up Nate's lonely days. Yet, as much as Chuck wanted to be a great friend, he also wanted to spend every moment he could with Blair and soak up the immense pleasure of her company. Even if he got Blair to forgive Nathaniel, they still wouldn't be able to act lovey-dovey around him (not that Chuck would ever do anything that could be considered lovey-dovey, of course). That meant Chuck was going to have to find his friend someone new to hang out with for a while. "Maybe you just need to get out of this scene for awhile, you know, man?" He said encouragingly. "Show Gossip Girl this shit doesn't get to you."

Nate responded with a pointed look, one that suggested Chuck was more worried about it not getting to Nate than he let on. The look was enough for Chuck to drop his macho act for a split second and ask, "You're _not_ upset about this, right?"

Nate stopped to think about the question for a little bit. Sure he was upset, but it wasn't specifically because of Chuck and Blair. He was happy for them, really. It was more everything that surrounded their relationship. "Nah, man," he replied, "I think you're right. I just need to get back out there. Find someone new, you know?"

Chuck looked pensively at his best friend before drawling out, "Maybe not entirely **new**…"

Nate's head shot up. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you and little Jenny Humphrey have been spending an inordinate amount of time together, and I've got a hundred dollar bill that says she has one fat crush on you."

Nate laughed and looked away, somewhat embarrassed. He almost wished Chuck was right, but recent events seemed to have proven otherwise. "She's too deep into Blair's posse. She won't look back my way as long as Blair's still got it in for me."

Chuck pondered the situation as the limo pulled up to St. Jude's and the boys stepped out in all their glory. "What if there was a way to turn you into her Prince Charming? You rescue her from some distressing situation or something. Blair's not done torturing her, and she could use your assistance…"

Beaming at his friend, Nate cried out in mock-surprise, "And you'd be willing to help me, Chuck? Sometimes I really love you, man." He said it loudly enough that some of the other boys turned to look at them out of mild curiosity. Chuck just stared back at him, unwilling to make any response. "Come on, is that really how it's going to be?" Nate pleaded. "I'm putting my heart on the line here. Can't you do the same for me?"

Chuck turned his glowering gaze to the floor. "Don't be ridiculous, Nathaniel. We're not doing this here."

"What, are you ashamed of our feelings?"

The asshole was just going to keep it up until he was appeased, Chuck knew. Jeremy and several other boys were already starting to snicker, and it was pretty clear that everyone's phones were poised and ready to snap some shots, but Chuck thought it would still be better to give in before it got worse. "I love you, too, Nathaniel," he mumbled angrily.

"Say it like you mean it," Nate chided, clearly enjoying every second of his best friend's humiliation. _Just think of it as my payback_, he thought good-naturedly.

Chuck groaned, but then yelled forcefully, "I love you, Nathaniel Archibald. You are the Turk to my JD!"

"Unfair, dude. You **would **go and make yourself the main character," Nate pouted while pulling Chuck into a warm embrace full of pride and man-love. Phones and cameras went off all around them, and Chuck decided the only way to get Nate back would be to really work at Jenny Humphrey's social destruction before allowing his best friend to pull her out of the gutter.


	26. How To Score A Stoner

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Blair, Chuck and Nate start looking towards Jenny, each for a different reason…

**Ch. 26: How To Score A Stoner**

Blair spotted Chuck strutting around in the courtyard before school and a joyful smile broke out across her face as she headed towards him. She soon saw Nate by his side, though, and that smile turned a touch sour. She could no longer convince Chuck to ruin his best friend—she had certainly learnt her lesson last time—but that didn't mean she had to be friendly or even civil with him, right? She was, by general rule, allowed to hate on her ex-boyfriend at least a month more. She casually walked over to the two boys, smiling a brilliant smile meant only for one of them, prepared to…do what exactly? Everyone knew she and Chuck were dating, but it would still be awkward to start macking on each other in the middle of the courtyard. And, even though she'd love to see the pathetic look on Nate's face if she did start kissing his best friend, she hadn't stooped _that_ low yet. Sure, she was vindictive, but she didn't need to be petty. There was a long pause, during which Chuck smiled warmly at her before darting an uncertain glance in Nate's direction. No need to worry, though, for Nate was just looking at the ground, trying to form a coherent thought or two. Chuck didn't speak, for lack of something to say, mostly. Finally, Blair settled for a brisk "Morning, Bass," to which Chuck responded with a bow of the head and a simple "Waldorf."

They stood together in silence, the three of them, for a few eternal seconds in which the new lovebirds waited for the unwanted third party to politely excuse himself. He did not. Running out of patience, Blair bestowed one of her angelic death glares on him and inquired, "So, I hear you've begun batting for the other team, Archibald?"

That caught Nate's attention and he narrowed his eyes as he looked up. He wanted to cut her down with a sharp remark, but he was never one to match wits with the likes of her. He decided to gracefully ignore her altogether and instead turned his attention to Chuck. "If you become whipped as I was, man, I'm going to have to kick your ass."

"If I get anywhere near as pathetic as you, Nathaniel, promise me you'll kill me," Chuck assented, waving him off with a grin. Once he was gone, Chuck smirked at his girlfriend(?). "Must you be so cruel?"

She giggled softly and responded, as if on cue, "Would you want me any other way?"

With that out of the way, Chuck took Blair's hands in his own and pulled her in to give her a kiss. She moved at the last minute, though, and let him have her cheek instead. "Well, I've just been burned," he said, not as offended as he might have been. "May I ask why you so unkindly deny me your affections?"

Blair gave his hand a tight squeeze before releasing it and explaining, "We are not Serena and Cabbage Patch, as that kind of exhibition is beneath me. I don't do PDA."

He gave her a look and replied, keeping most of the jealousy out of his voice, "Not **anymore,** you mean." He hadn't forgotten being forced to watch her cuddle with his best friend in the courtyard while she threw him looks over Nate's shoulder.

"That…was for a very specific reason," Blair sing-songed, letting a smugness creep into her tone that told him she knew something he didn't. Of course, she had only thrown her last attempt at a relationship with Nate in everyone's face in order to prove to herself that it was real. And, more importantly, to make Chuck jealous. But he didn't need to know that—it gave him too much power. Besides, it was far too early in their relationship to be openly discussing their past issues.

Out of the corner of his eye, Chuck saw Jenny Humphrey walking to class alongside her nameless little freshman friend, and his desire to hear Blair tell him how much better than Nate he was found itself placated for the moment. "Scum sighting at 2 o'clock," he said, nodding his head in Jenny's general direction. Upon deciphering that the look on Blair's face when she turned was one of disgust, he felt it was time to start working towards Nate's first real female triumph. "You know, B," he drawled out. "I'd say it's time to step up your payback operation, and Little J's your final victim."

The gleam in Blair's eyes was quickly dampened when she remembered who they were talking about here. Dan was very close to being on her list of acceptable life forms and it would be unfortunate to alienate him by destroying his sister. Besides, she wouldn't want a mopey Serena due to fights with Dan that Blair's plan would inevitably cause. "I don't know, Chuck. I don't want to cause unnecessary problems…"

"Don't worry, we'll be gentle with her," he assured her. They didn't need to do more than scare her into Nate's arms, anyway. He raised his eyebrow seductively and added, "I'll save all my rough-housing for you."

Blair rolled her eyes. "Given your history, Bass, those kind of jokes make me a little uncomfortable." Upon seeing the effect her words had on him, she relented a bit. "…But mostly they just turn me on." His self-satisfied smirk returned and, loving the apparent control she had over his facial expressions, she decided to tease him a little longer. With a deep sigh, she said regretfully, "I only wish I hadn't decided to abstain from sexual relations for the rest of my high school career."

Chuck almost swallowed his tongue trying not to say anything in response. Blair's joyful laughter rang in his ears and he felt his cheeks turning red upon realizing he was being played. His nostrils flared as a sign of defeat and he turned to leave for class before he could be further beaten.

"Aren't you going to walk me to class, Bass?" Blair's voice called out, bordering on a whine.

He turned back with a full-on grin. Finally, he could have the upper hand again. "What do you take me for, Waldorf?" He asked mockingly.

Of course, she had to concede that he was not one to make such petty romantic gestures. He was better at the things that counted, at least. "Program planning meeting at lunch, then?"

"As long as destruction's what's on the menu," he smarmed, before wincing at how corny that sounded.

* * *

Nate found himself wandering the girls' halls during lunchtime. This was getting to be a regular occurrence. Perhaps he should just transfer to Constance? He didn't know where he would go about finding Jenny, but Chuck had told him when he ditched Nate earlier that day—another thing Nate was sure would be occurring with increasing frequency—that she would most definitely be staying in the building for lunch. Soon enough he heard her laughter, childish and sweet, emanating from one of the open classrooms. He looked down at the lunch he had brought, two perfectly respectable (and tasty) squash raviolis from Aubergine, and took a deep breath. Time to work magic.

Jenny was seated at the teacher's desk with Elise, furiously scribbling out a failed design in frustration. Blair had apparently forgiven her enough to ask her to make invitations once more, except this time she wouldn't be invited to the party. She was annoyed with herself for getting into this position again. What had been the point of asserting herself if it was all just back to square one? She should have known Blair wouldn't stay down for long. When the Queen B had come to her that morning, in all her glory and condescension, Jenny had wanted to laugh in her face. But she couldn't. She wanted to be part of this world, and this was the price she was paying. She heard someone in the room cough and turned to Elise, expecting her to be the offender. Elise, however, shook her head and stared with wide eyes at the vision before her. Jenny let her eyes follow Elise's gaze and saw Nate Archibald holding two bags of delicious-smelling food in his hands. Unconsciously, she blushed and quickly looked back down at her work to hide her face from him. "Hi, Nate!" She chirped, feverishly wondering why she had been able to teach Dan to act smooth around girls yet he had never bothered to show her what to do with boys.

"I heard you were stuck in here and thought you might be hungry," he said cheerfully, setting the food down on the desk. He turned to the other girl in the room with an apologetic grin. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be here. You can have my food, if you want."

Elise shook her head even more energetically than before and stammered, "N-no, thank you. I don't eat in public, anyway."

Nate's brow furrowed at that. What kind of world did these girls live in? "**You **can eat in front of me, right, Jenny?"

Jenny blushed a deeper crimson and nodded, not daring to look up yet. Elise took this as her cue to leave. Jenny didn't really need her for the design, anyway. She was just there for moral support or something, and clearly her support was no longer necessary. A few minutes passed by slowly with Nate shifting uncomfortably in the desk chair he had pulled up and Jenny trying to successfully complete the drawing of an orchid without her pencil breaking. Finally, telling herself she would never win over popular boys through the sheer force of her silence, Jenny resolved to say something witty and flirtatious. "What are you doing here, Nate?" _Why, why, Jenny? Are you retarded_? She wanted to hit herself. Why couldn't she say something like, 'You must have really wanted to see me, huh?' Maybe she could even have winked.

Thankfully, Nate had next to no experience with the flirtations of anyone but Blair, whose 'lines' he had memorized and come to expect, and Serena, whose teasing never went anywhere (well, except for that one time). So for all he knew, Jenny was a master at the dating game. Furthermore, it was refreshing to not have to dance around things and just be able to say what he wanted. "I really like hanging out with you, so I was wondering if you'd like to…hang out more after school today."

Jenny's face broke into the first genuine smile of the lunch period as she nodded her agreement, but then she recalled Blair's words of warning in regards to Nate. Not only was Nate clearly on Blair's shit list, but 'hanging out' with the Queen's ex was probably taboo under any circumstance. Still, she really liked being around him, so she had to give it a shot. "…Blair won't know, will she?" She asked shyly, aware that the question probably made her infinitely less attractive (if she ever was attractive at all, that is) in his eyes.

Nate's head was practically spinning now. On the one hand, he had already secured a possible date, which was more than he could have hoped for in the first place. On the other, he was now apparently some kind of embarrassing secret that had to be hidden. Nate Archibald, the most sought-after male in St. Jude's, was someone girls like Jenny didn't want to be seen with. He couldn't totally blame her, for Blair's power was truly frightening. Having been under her thumb for the last 10 years, Nate sympathized with Jenny's predicament. "Why would she know? Are _you_ going to tell her?"

"Never!" Jenny promised. Then she blushed again, realizing she had just totally dissed Nate.

Nate laughed it off. "Then it'll be our little secret," he replied, his eyes twinkling mischievously.


	27. Little J Can Be A Big Bitch

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Blair has trained Jenny too well; Chuck hasn't trained Nate well enough...  
Author's Note: So this chapter took me a little bit, too. The thing is, I felt like I needed to write some Jenny into the story, but she's the character that comes least easily to me. For those of you that aren't as interested in her "journey," I tried to include a little bit of the other characters to entertain you. And I promise that after the next chapter, the Jenny saga will conclude.

**Ch. 27: Little J Can Be A Big Bitch**

Jenny Humphrey stepped outside Constance Billard's brick walls that afternoon with a heart full of excitement at the prospect of 'hanging out' with Nate Archibald, but found her joy quickly intercepted by a flock of so-called friends heading her way.

"Little J. Bendel's, now," was Blair's idea of a greeting, as Kati and Is simpered behind her like nodding dogs. Serena was making her way over as well, and you could just see the fashionista in her pretty soul light up when the target word was overheard.

Jenny froze. Blair wanted to hang out with her _now_? Of course she was dying for the chance to prove her worth once more, but on the other hand, how inconvenient. She had already made a commitment and it was her duty to honor it—more than her duty, she desperately _wanted_ to honor it. She'd come up with a good excuse and Blair would just have to understand. "Wow, that sounds great!" She exclaimed, pausing to permit the disappointing realization to take place, "Oh, no! I promised Dan I'd spend some quality time with him today. That sucks."

Blair smiled that wide, frightening smile of hers and replied breezily, "Nonsense. Brothers cannot take precedence over clothes." Looking over Jenny's outfit, she added, "Especially not when said clothes are needed as desperately as they are right now." Jenny's ensemble was bright and well-accessorized, filled with just enough yellow tights and pink headbands to call attention to her young age without making her look immature and sporting enough designer labels to not seem out of place in the halls of Constance, but it was nonetheless clear she had purchased her extra items from Loehmann's or Daffy's. Tacky much? Jenny looked down at her second-hand clothing and nearly whimpered. She thought no one would notice, but this was Blair Waldorf they were talking about. She could out dress the best of them. Spotting Serena catching up, clearly in a tizzy over the idea of spending a whole afternoon shopping, Blair reacted as quickly as she could. "S will take over time with Lonely Boy. Won't you, S?" She shot her friend a pleading look, hoping Serena would think this was nothing more than a friendly make-up session with the younger Humphrey.

Though Serena Van der Woodsen had many strengths for which she was well renowned, her focus was not one of them. Bendel's had sounded great, but getting a free pass to spend the rest of the day with just Dan was far, far better. It wasn't often since Blair's downfall that she had been able to be alone with her boyfriend. Not that she minded hanging out with both her boyfriend and her best friend, of course, but it _was_ nice to have the place to themselves. Especially since she was pretty sure Rufus would be out on one of his many rebound dates tonight… "I'd be glad to take him off your hands, Jenny," she chirped. "We're still on our second honeymoon, and he's got a lot of sucking up to do." With a giggle and a quick hug for Blair, she disappeared to share the good news with Dan.

Jenny sucked in her breath and suddenly felt very, very frightened.

* * *

Chuck and Nate walked out of St. Jude's and caught sight of Jenny and Blair in the courtyard. Chuck suppressed a proud smile as he and Blair exchanged a furtive glance and Nate let out a low groan. _How am I supposed to go over there now?_ He thought in frustration. Blair was apparently leading Jenny somewhere, and Nate was pretty sure he would not be welcome wherever they were going. He didn't know whether to feel hurt that Jenny was ditching him or angry that Blair was still somehow controlling his life when she wasn't even a part of it.

"Accost, Sir Nathaniel. Accost!" Chuck intoned in a melodramatic British accent. They had been reading **Twelfth Night** in his English class and someone thought it was a good idea to have Chuck play Sir Toby. He had neglected to remember that the play did not, in fact, take place in England—but Mr. Connors had let it slide and now he would probably be under that misconception forever.

Nate turned to his friend in utter bewilderment, way too blown away at the idea of being ditched by a freshman to fully comprehend. "What?!"

"My mistress' chambermaid," Chuck replied, madly pointing to Jenny. Sure, he was misquoting now, but he liked being able to call Blair his 'mistress.' And it's not like Nate would understand what he was saying, anyway.

Nate shook his head and laughed in spite of himself. "Sorry, dude, but you lost me at 'accost.'"

"Accost is front her, board her, woo her, _assail_ her!"

"...Quit using that accent—it's freaking me out."

Chuck rolled his eyes, feigning disappointment in his friend's lack of academic vigor. "It's _Shakespeare_, my friend. Do you even know how to **read**?" Without waiting for a reply, he lightly pushed Nate in Jenny's direction. It would be kind of pointless if Nate couldn't get his ass in gear to stop her in time, wouldn't it? Well, at least he'd have the consolation of hearing all about Jenny's humiliation from Blair, but he didn't think Nate would like that too much.

Nate struck a confident pose and began to stroll over to the girls, still a little unsure of how to approach them. He didn't want to 'out' Jenny as having plans with him, but he needed her to come with him somehow. He'd already made reservations at Beppe, and he sure didn't want to take Chuck with him instead. He felt a little sheepish about taking her there, because he had decided on it thinking she would feel more comfortable eating in Gramercy (or anywhere _downtown_, really) rather than in some stuffy place on the Upper East Side. He hoped he wasn't wrong in that assumption, but it made him feel somehow…**classist**. Looking at her now, though, with that very Blair-like headband and her face more made up than usual, made him wonder if he had been, once more, making up another girl in his mind. He shook off his thoughts and called out after her, "Hey, Jenny!"

Jenny bit her lip when she heard Nate say her name and prayed Blair didn't notice her reaction. Slowly turning around, she got out a succinct "Yes?" She tried very hard to convey telepathically to him that she was sorry, but she'd have to break their date. She wasn't well-versed in speaking with her eyes, though, so it just came out as 'I am very scared, please don't hurt me.'

Nate stuck his hands in his pockets and looked down at the ground, wondering why Chuck hadn't provided him with a legitimate excuse instead of babbling incoherently about chambermaids. "I'm having trouble with Spanish. There's a test tomorrow, and Ms. Walls said you're really good and I should ask you for some tutoring." This wasn't technically a lie. There _was_ a test tomorrow and Ms. Walls _had_ once mentioned that Jenny was the best in Spanish out of the entire freshman class. But that didn't mean she could help a junior in Intermediate I.

Blair tried not to roll her eyes at Nate's pathetic mockery of a lie. It almost angered her to think of how blind she had been to all his lies in their relationship. If **this** was how bad he was at it, she must have been the dumbest girl on the planet. She couldn't be bothered with anger right now, though, as she was having far too much fun. "Little J, how _sweet_," she cooed. "If you wanted to date my ex-boyfriend behind my back, all you had to do was **ask**." Her beautiful face broke into a wide smile that betrayed only an inkling of the doom that was about to befall the freshman if she didn't watch her step. "I completely understand if you want to give up any chance of ever being friends with me for…him," she finished, giving Nate the I-smell-pork look she normally only reserved for the likes of Dan Humphrey.

Jenny's eyes grew wide and she felt a tiny war rage within herself. She knew Nate was a sweet guy and Blair… Well, Blair could be sweet, but she definitely wasn't feeling the urge to be sweet to Jenny right _now_. But she had worked so hard to be given this opportunity, hadn't she? All she wanted was for Blair to accept her and elevate her to a place that would completely rid her of her Brooklyn home, her hand-me-down clothes, her little-fish-big-ocean lifestyle. Didn't everyone say friends came before boys? Maybe they weren't thinking of **these** girls when they talked about 'friends,' but they were all Jenny had right now. Besides, when she became truly popular, there would be hundreds of Nate Archibalds after her, right? Her face hardened and she adopted a cruel smile as she said, calmly as she could, "You're totally wrong, _B_. I would never dream of dating him." Turning to Nate, with a look in her eyes that she hoped he would correctly read as remorseful, she spat, "And no thanks, Nate. I'd rather throw myself off a building than tutor **you**."

Blair nearly covered her mouth in surprise. _No way Little J just said that_. Even Blair herself would never have managed to say something **that** spiteful to Nate. The bitch had truly been born. She couldn't believe it, but even as she felt proud of Jenny for outdoing her in the cutting remarks department, she also felt almost bad at seeing something in Nate's eyes crumple. He had just been stung pretty bad, and by a girl who had defined the words 'sweet innocence' only months ago.

* * *

Nate shuffled back to Chuck in defeat as the latter threw up his arms in a silent "Why?"

"Thanks a lot, asshole," Nate complained wearily. "I just got thoroughly burned out there, all because you made me think liking Jenny Humphrey would be a good idea."

Chuck grimaced. Clearly all those sleepovers at his place had not taught Nate anything about The Game, he was as hopeless as any other 17-year old boy when it came to girls. But, then again, so was Chuck—at least when it came to girls like Blair. And that's what it looked like Jenny was aiming to be. _Not that she'll ever get anywhere close_. "You've made your case admirably," he comforted Nate. "Now all you have to do is wait for her to come crawling back to you. She'll run screaming from Blair soon enough, trust me."

Nate wasn't so sure he wanted to wait around for 'soon enough.' If he had known he was going to be wasting his time with little Blair wannabes, he would have just stuck with Blair herself. Realizing the treacherous thought that had just crossed his mind, he quickly tried to backpedal, but it was too late. The words were already coming out of his mouth before he could stop himself. "You better be careful about your advice, man. You never know when I'll just give up and try to go back to Blair again." It was a joke. Of course it was a joke, but now was probably too soon to be making those jokes, judging by the murderous glint that flashed in Chuck's eyes.

Chuck tried not to let that comment get to him. It was a joke, right? Maybe, but it was still a joke that had just enough truth in it—truth at least in Chuck's demented, jealous brain—that he couldn't just let it go. His mind wouldn't let it go, at least, but he'd be damned if he lost his friend a second time over this. "Don't take this the wrong way, Nathaniel," he said, playing it as coolly casual as ever, "But I might just have to punch you right now."

Nate felt himself relax as soon as he heard the playful banter. Laughing, he replied, "Please, Chuck. You know you punch like a girl."


	28. B Stills Her Heart

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**

Summary: Jenny is on the brink; Blair's feelings surprise her yet again…

Author's Note: So since I, once again, took a ridiculous amount of time to update—the episodes have already aired and some things have either gone as I expected or been completely different. Therefore some things in this chapter are slightly similar to certain plot lines, but I promise I thought of them before the episodes aired!

**Ch. 28: B Stills Her Heart**

Jenny looked around the ladies' dressing room at Bendel's in awe. She'd been there plenty of times before, but never had she been met with such solicitous attention. It just seemed like the salesladies knew she wouldn't be able to buy anything and therefore never bothered with her. But now that she was here with Blair Waldorf and her gang, everyone was swarming around them like a bunch of flies. It actually made her a little uncomfortable, because she knew she couldn't afford _any _of this stuff. She'd just have to content herself with admiring the dresses Kati and Isabel were trying on (_why_ were they always wearing the same thing? It drove Jenny crazy). Almost against her will, she glanced at the price tag of the Alice and Olivia dress that Blair was holding in her hand. The one that Blair was worried would look too 'cheap.' 358 dollars. _I could make myself at least 5 dresses on that budget_, she thought unhappily. Had all her outfits thus far looked cheap to everyone else because she wasn't shelling out her family's grocery money for the month?

Blair disappeared behind a rack of clothes and pulled out a bright pink sun dress that was just the perfect style for Little J. "Why don't you try this one on?" She asked with a saccharine smile, her voice going up a few octaves into that perfection creation of Blair The Kindhearted Good Girl. She almost felt bad about rubbing the girl's lack of cash in her face, but she _had_ to know she wasn't going to be able to keep up with the Joneses. This was Blair's way of teaching a lesson—a very important one, too. She watched as Jenny eyed the pricing tag and nearly gagged, smiling to herself all the while.

"Thanks, Blair. It's great, but I don't think I'm going to get anything today…" She was already starting to feel dumb for agreeing to this shopping trip in the first place. It shouldn't be a big deal, right? Tons of girls went shopping with their friends without ever spending a cent. She could just sew herself a similar dress this week and tell the girls she had come back for it, after all.

"_Au contraire_, my young grasshopper," Blair corrected her. "You **will** be obtaining a new outfit. You see, we have some rules around here—"

She was interrupted by Kati and Iz giving each other quizzical looks. "We do?" They both chirped at the same time, wondering where Blair was going with this.

Blair rolled her eyes and forced out another smile. "Of _course_ we do, girls. Tine Fey did not lie to us in **Mean Girls**. You must have a certain amount of outfits and tomorrow we are all wearing pastel-colored Dior sun dresses, which I know you don't own. So please shop and dress accordingly."

Kati and Iz both nodded fervently, suddenly remembering what was clearly a timeless tradition and unable to believe they could ever have forgotten. Jenny gulped back her protests and felt more ashamed than ever of who she was and where she came from. Why did her dad have to send them to private schools where they were constantly humiliated? Why couldn't they have moved to somewhere neutral like Southwest Texas where no one would care that she lived in an apartment, not a townhouse, and they could all lasso cows together and sing mariachi songs or something? She summoned up enough willpower to assent with a tilt of her head and stammered, "I guess—I'll go try this on, and then we'll see…"

Blair's smile widened. "Sure thing, Little J. We'll just be off looking at handbags," and she wandered off with Kati and Iz in tow.. Of course she knew Jenny couldn't afford the dress, but she wanted to see just how far the freshman was willing to go. Would she buy it anyway and risk putting her family in the poorhouse? Would she (oh, please, yes) try to steal it? Or would she defy all of Blair's expectations and show that spunk that had first made her endearing and tell B no way, Jose? Blair liked being challenged more than anything, so as delicious as the second option would be, she kind of hoped Jenny would provide her with the third.

* * *

Jenny sat in the stuffy dressing room with the dress crumpled in her hands. Should she even try it on? If she put it on, she'd probably never want to take it off—it was so beautiful and looked like it would complement her skin tone perfectly. But she knew she had to try it on, even if just for a minute. That way, she would know just how it should look when she made one of her own. Sighing, she undressed and slipped the dress on, admiring her reflection in the mirror with regret coming over her at lightning speed. She looked like a goddess. Feeling the fabric, she had to close her eyes to keep herself from maybe crying. There was _no way_ she could ever make anything like this—the stitching was too complicated and she didn't even know what the dress was made of, but she did know she'd never be able to buy the material. What if she just bought it with her dad's emergency credit card, then returned it immediately after using it? She did that once before, and her mom freaked out on her. But Allison wasn't here anymore, was she? _Surely Dad would understand_… Immediately she scoffed at herself for thinking that. Rufus Humphrey, just like his son, understood **nothing**. Maybe it was because they were guys, or maybe they just had their judgmental high horses to keep them company at night, but they didn't seem to need anything the Upper East Side had to offer. Nor could they approve of anyone who wanted to be a part of it. An idea came to her out of nowhere. Her coat was pretty long, long enough to hide a short sun dress. Could she wear it out of the store? She frantically began scrunching it up to make it as short as possible. Maybe she could just wear it under her outfit?

She caught sight of herself in the mirror scrambling to hide the dress and instantly froze. _What the hell are you doing? _The alarms were most likely going to sound and all of her "friends" would laugh hysterically as she got arrested and shipped off to reform school somewhere in the Ozarks. Which is probably exactly what Blair wanted. Not only that, but she was actually contemplating turning into a thief. A _thief_. If Rufus could just see his daughter now… Angrily, she ripped the dress off of her slim frame and left it on the floor, rushing to put her clothes back on. She was going to tell Blair Waldorf exactly what she thought of her little world.

* * *

Blair threw Kati and Iz a fittingly confused glance when she saw Little J storming up to her, bleary-eyed and breathing heavily. "What's wrong, little girl?" She asked teasingly.

"You win, okay, Blair?" Jenny almost screamed. A couple of costumers in the Women's section glanced their way disapprovingly, but she could have cared less. No one could think any worse of her than she herself did at the moment.

Blair shrugged innocently, and gave Jenny a look that made her feel like an insane asylum escapee or a dangerous convict. "What ever are you talking about, sweetie?"

Jenny hissed through her teeth before answering. "I'm not doing it, okay? I know you want me to completely ruin myself just so that I'll be worthy of worshiping you or something… but this is too much!" She could feel herself tearing up, but she didn't even bother to wipe away the saltwater running down her cheeks.

Kati and Iz just stared like deer caught in headlights. They weren't used to people expressing real emotions and this little display was starting to scare them senseless. Thinking quickly, they nonchalantly went to look through the rack of tank tops, acting as if they couldn't hear the jagged breaths of the blond girl 10 feet away.

Blair felt bad for the young, impressionable girl. She could imagine how hard it must be to go to a school were you were so clearly an outsider—in fact, she had felt like that just weeks ago. But, unlike Jenny, popularity and the power to be on top was all Blair really had. There was no other option but to fight her way tooth and nail to the throne. Jenny, on the other hand, had her family and maybe even her dignity. Blair guessed she didn't really feel that sorry, after all. Anyone who was willing to throw away the affections of their family just to get in her good graces wasn't someone she needed to respect. "No one forced you to do anything, Jenny. I told you there was a price to pay if you wanted to be a part of this world."

Jenny nodded her agreement, feeling herself calm down a little bit. "I know, you 'told me so.' Thanks for the warning, I guess." She turned to leave, realizing she had somewhere better to be. She only hoped she would still be welcome there.

Kati and Iz noticed Jenny walking away and felt a little confused. Why was she leaving? It had been fun to have a little freshman following them around. It had almost made them feel like they weren't at the bottom of the food chain in Blair's social scene. "Where are you going, Jenny?" Iz called out.

She turned back with a look that mixed defiance with remorse. "I'm going to find someone who actually cares about me," she responded triumphantly, before letting the insecurity seep into her voice. "I only hope he can forgive me for not caring about _him_ enough."

"…Is she talking about Nate?" Kati wondered aloud, and Blair almost laughed in surprise. Who knew Kati's brain worked so quickly? Her surprise grew a hundred-fold, though, when she realized that Jenny's parting words had no effect on her at all. She was pleased that Jenny had found herself (not to mention her place), sure, but the part about Nate made her feel nothing. She wasn't bitter; she wasn't jealous; she wasn't **anything**. She actually _hoped_ Nate would forgive Jenny. Obviously, in dating Chuck, she was announcing to herself and the world that she was over her ex...but this was the first time she could feel 100 percent sure of it. A wave of relief washed over her, as she thought about how much freer she was. She had been a little cautious in her 'relationship' with Chuck so far, and maybe that was because she was scared of getting hurt—but even more afraid of hurting him (again) by running back to Nate at some point. But now it was pretty clear Nate would never come back, nor would she take him if he did. The only fly in this ointment was that she would probably have to forgive him for hurting her now, just to make sure there were no more hard feelings. _Too bad_. More than anything, she loved to hold a grudge, but she knew Chuck would rest easier knowing his two best friends were friends again. And she was more eager than ever to do something nice for her...well, yeah. Her boyfriend.

Right now, though, she had something more important to take care of than her frayed friendship with Nate Archibald. Pulling out her cell phone, she sent Chuck a short but firm text: **Dinner with Eleanor? Tonight at 7. Don't be late.**


	29. C Can Dish It Out, But Can He Take It?

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**  
Summary: Nate finds hope in love again; Chuck gets ready for dinner…  
Author's Note: I don't know where Bart went to school. I just made it up. But if anyone knows, feel free to share ;)

**Ch. 29: ****C Can Dish It Out, But Can He Take It?**

A good portion of the afternoon had passed, and Nate had spent most of it lounging on his bed, thinking about all the ways he had failed the girls in his life and some of the ways they in turn had failed him. He was about to ask himself the eternal question—if he really could be so handsome for nothing—when he heard his "Gold Digger" ring tone playing. _Man_, he really needed to update his cell phone song selection. He picked it up lazily, not even bothering to check the ID. "Yeah?" He greeted the unknown person in a tone that would have bordered on annoyance, if only he had the willpower to muster up that strong of an emotion.

"Ugh, rude much?" A disgusted, holier-than-thou voice replied on the other end of the line.

"…Blair?" Nate asked suspiciously, unable to conceal the shock of hearing from her. What could she possibly want? He thought about peeking through the blinds to make sure there weren't any guns pointed at his bedroom or bombs about to go off, but quickly decided he was overreacting.

"Yes, I know. I'm full of surprises," she dead-panned, bored with the (lack of) conversation already. Still, Nate had always been a huge part of her life, and she knew she had to do this for everyone's sake. "Listen," she continued in a more serious vein, "I've been thinking about us...our friendship, I mean. We really need to talk."

Nate almost choked upon hearing her words. "What could we **possibly** have to talk about?" He tried to think about what her voice had usually sounded like when she said those kinds of things during their relationship, but he couldn't come up with anything. Maybe he had never paid enough attention? He knew, though, that this was something different. This was the voice of a Blair Waldorf he had never met before: one who was strong and confident; one who didn't go weak in the knees around Nate Archibald. Hearing her like this was strange, to say the least.

"Come over as soon as you can and we'll discuss it," she commanded him. "But hurry, I've got a dinner appointment at 7 that I just can't break." And with that she hung up.

He smiled fondly into the dial tone, wondering briefly if her 'appointment' was with Chuck. It was so Blair to force him to go to her house to have a conversation only _she_ wanted to have in the first place. She really **was** the boss of all of them, no matter what terms they were on. He quickly grabbed a jacket and prepared to leave, not wanting to keep the Queen waiting for long. Just as he was about to head out the door, however, he heard the bell ring. He opened the door to find little Jenny Humphrey biting her lip and crossing her arms nervously while looking down at the ground. Even though her face was not visible, he thought he could see a few tear tracts decorating her cheeks. He broke into a smile—he couldn't help it, really. He knew he should be angry, but she looked so vulnerable, he just wanted to give her a hug and tell her everything was going to be okay.

"…Nate?" Jenny asked tentatively, hoping she could say everything she wanted with just that one word. She didn't want to cry because that would just make her look weak, but she was having a hard time holding back her tears.

"Hey, Jenny," Nate said warmly, informing her all was forgiven with just the sound of her name. He had never been very good at holding grudges anyway, especially not when the person he was supposed to be angry at felt so defeated already. "I've got to go right now, but do you want to reschedule dinner for tomorrow?" He flashed her a sweet, lopsided grin and hesitantly reached out to wrap her up in his strong embrace. She fell into him with all 90 pounds of herself and began silently sobbing into his shirt. He kissed the top of her head and let her cry for as long as she needed, not even worrying that he would probably have to change his shirt. He hadn't felt _of use_ to anyone in the longest time, so he was relishing the moment in a strange way. Blair wouldn't mind if he was a few minutes late, right?

* * *

Chuck felt shame fill his soul as he stood in the middle of his stepsister's room, posing like some kind of mannequin. "When I asked for your help, sis, I didn't mean I needed help **dressing myself**." Seriously, Chuck Bass was the best-dressed guy in all of Manhattan. What was Serena thinking? No way could she come up with a better outfit for him than he could do himself with just a snap of his fingers. He made a face when he caught sight of himself in the mirror: an Armani suit that was far too dark and dull for his tastes. Where were the colors, the flash? He was trying to make an impression, after all, not attend a wake.

"You said this was important to you, yes?" Serena asked flippantly, ignoring Chuck's hems and haws as she adjusted his gray-and-white tie and began pulling out a comb to do away with his bed head.

He tried unsuccessfully to escape her clutches, but soon was forced to give in to her hair machinations. "That is where you are wrong. I did not say this was important to me. It's not, in fact. I could care less." And it was true, to some extent. He _shouldn't_ care, anyway. He was always one hundred percent true to himself and didn't plan on ever changing for anyone. If this was what looking good to Eleanor Waldorf entailed, then Blair would just have to deal with a guy her mother didn't approve of. _Except she would just laugh in your face if she heard you say that. _He despised being wrapped around Blair's finger more than anything, but he didn't know quite how to untangle himself. As long as she never found out about it, he could keep up the pretense that he was still Chuck Bass: God's Gift To Women (instead of what he was quickly turning into, which was God's Gift To Blair Waldorf).

"Right, Chuck. So why is it that you have come begging for my help, then? You don't want Eleanor to think you're a good little boy deserving of her precious daughter?" Serena rolled her eyes, laughing at the ways Chuck had morphed before her very eyes in the past two months while still remaining curiously the same. She turned him to face the mirror full on for the first time. "You look…" She faltered, not quite sure how to put it.

"…Like Nathaniel," Chuck finished darkly. "Thanks a whole bunch," he muttered, grabbing his scarf and getting ready to head out.

"Hey, Eleanor really liked Nate!" She defended herself lamely before pulling the scarf out of his hands. "And no scarf. No way."

Chuck was about to protest that it was his signature, but he guessed that was the point. There was to be no trace of Chuck Bass left for this dinner from Hell.

As he walked out to his limo, he wondered what exactly had run through Blair's mind when she planned this. He tried to think if he had done something wrong that day. Perhaps the outing with Jenny had gone badly and she blamed him?

Deep down, though, he knew Blair thought this was a great idea and it was probably really important to her. She loved Eleanor more than anyone—maybe even more than she loved her father, since she had to work harder for her mother's affections and Blair was always up for a challenge. That was why he was determined to suppress all his inner demons for this one day, just to make Blair's life a little easier. It was all so stupid, really. Eleanor Waldorf should be thrilled the heir to the Bass fortune was interested in her daughter. Her family already had all the wealth it needed, yet it could only ever use more status.

But for all the currency and respect that his father's name commanded, it would never hold up against a Vanderbilt… or even an Archibald. No one would ever bring it up, because Bart was too powerful a man, but they all knew he came from Levittown and studied at Fordham. No Dartmouth or Yale here. Of course, that would all change when Chuck graduated high school—he was determined to take his father's name to even greater glory. He just didn't know how to do that quite yet. Victrola had been a start, but it seemed he still hadn't earned his father's respect. Without that, how was he supposed to win over the _rest_ of the world? _You've always been a charmer, Bass_. He thought, giving himself a little pep talk. _Eleanor is going to just eat you up_. He hadn't been pleasing the ladies all these years for nothing, after all.

* * *

Chuck stepped out of the elevator and into the lobby of the Waldorf apartment, pointlessly smoothing down his shirt as he did so. He looked around the living room and was surprised to see only Eleanor sitting there complacently, sipping tea and reading a magazine. She read magazines in the same position Blair did. Interesting.

"Why, lovely to see you, Charles," she acknowledged him graciously, looking up and peering at him through her fancy reading glasses.

"Good evening, Ms. Waldorf," he walked over to her and kissed her proffered hand lightly, trying his best not to overdo it. "You look enchanting, I must say." She smiled, clearly taken in already. _Piece of cake, _he thought, suppressing his smirk and instead looking around for Blair.

"Blair is busy with a guest at the moment," Eleanor responded to his inquiring glances. Just as Chuck was nodding to acknowledge his acceptance of this fact, her smile grew mischievous. "I'm very excited about this little discussion she's having upstairs," she confided in the boy in front of her. He had, after all, been one of Blair's best friends for years (despite how little she approved of his conduct) so he would no doubt appreciate the magnitude of the situation.

"What do you mean, Mrs. Waldorf?" Chuck asked, suddenly feeling more than a little uncomfortable. What kind of 'discussion' was this?

"You see, she's upstairs with Nate Archibald. You two are friends, of course." Apparently mistaking his look of horror for one of interest, she continued on obliviously, "I think they just might be getting back together. That Vanderbilt ring is ever so lovely, despite all the legal trouble The Captain is going through…"

Chuck felt like someone had just splashed cold water all over him. What the **hell** was Blair doing in her room with Nate? Weren't they supposed to hate each other right now? More importantly, why in the world would Eleanor think they were getting back together? Either she was the biggest bitch on the planet, or Blair had given her some indication that she wasn't over Nate. At the very least, Blair hadn't told her she was now dating Chuck. _Probably because she was embarrassed._ What had she said when they were together in secret before the debutante ball? "You don't want Nate to find out, and I don't want **anyone **to… You'd have to learn to behave yourself first." He almost laughed out loud. Wasn't he behaving himself? _What more do you want from me, Blair?_

He contemplated making a quick exit for the elevator and hightailing it to Turks and Caicos or Monaco or wherever the hell was far away from Blair Waldorf and her schemes and fairy tale dreams, not even caring that Eleanor was still talking and he was appearing ruder by the second with his unresponsiveness. Before he could force his feet to move, though, he decided on a different course entirely. He was not going to stand idly by and watch his love (he shuddered at the word) life fall to pieces. Nate might be his best friend, but no way was Chuck going to let him get in the way again. Especially because this time, he **knew** what he was doing.

"Excuse me, Eleanor. I'll be right back," he interrupted her abruptly, taking minimal notice of her shocked expression as he ran up the staircase and into Blair's room.


	30. All Good Triangles Must Come To An End

**Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel**  
Summary: Chuck tries to be a man; Eleanor tries to be a mom…  
Author's Note: Wow, I can't believe I finished this story. Sorry it took me like two months, I am just terrified of finishing things. I hope you guys have enjoyed reading it, and that you don't find the ending too anti-climactic :)

**Ch. 30: ****All Good Triangles Must Come To An End  
**

Chuck barged straight into Blair's room without sparing a second thought for the semblance of decorum he was supposed to be presenting in front of Eleanor. He was not losing Blair to his best friend again, not after he had put in so much effort to do the right thing by her and be her prince and do whatever the hell else she wanted.

There was no worse feeling than knowing he was aiming to be nothing more than a less effective carbon copy of pretty boy Nathaniel. He functioned far better when he was simply being his own disgusting self, after all. But if this is what Blair wanted, this is what she would get. And yet it sickened Chuck to think that she still might want the real thing, even after all this time and everything Nate had put her through. Why settle for a Bass when you could get an Archibald, right?

The door flew open and he found his best friend and his girlfriend in the most compromising position he would have allowed himself to imagine in the first place: they were hugging. Damn them. He stopped only long enough for the image to fully hit his retina and then grabbed Nate by the back of his jacket and spun him around.

"Hey, man. What's—" But Nate never got to finish his enthusiastic greeting because, just then, his face connected with Chuck's fist and he went flying backwards into Blair's bed.

Blair was so taken by surprise that she could do nothing but scream and cover her eyes to avoid the sight of blood.

* * *

**Fifteen minutes earlier**

"Thanks so much for meeting me, Nate." Blair smiled politely as she ushered Nate into her room, away from her mother's prying eyes. As if her mother were ever _really_ interested in what she was doing.

She closed the door behind them and waited for Nate to speak. When he said nothing, she spoke in a slow and careful tone, so he would be able to comprehend every word. "I know this is going to sound weird, given the less-than-friendly way I've been acting lately… But I'd really like us to be friends."

Nate blanched. It almost sounded like Blair had just apologized for being a bitch. Had offered an olive branch, even. With no strings attached. Was he dreaming? It had been awhile since his dreams included Blair, so this was pretty revelatory. Realizing she was expecting a reply, he cleared his throat and said the only thing he could think of. "Did Chuck put you up to this?"

Blair was almost hurt by his lack of good faith, but then realized she was actually outraged at the thought that she could be going around doing Chuck's _bidding_. She wasn't a lapdog, for God's sake. "He knows nothing about this. In fact, I'd like to keep it that way. He'll be here in 15 minutes, so can we please wrap this up?"

"Huh?" Nate furrowed his brow at this piece of information. "So… you want us to be friends in **secret**? Like you're ashamed of me?"

Blair shook her head at his silliness. "Not at all. It's just… I know Chuck wants us to be friends, but I don't actually think he's ready for it yet, you know? I don't want him to feel threatened or anything."

Now Nate had to laugh. "Chuck? Threatened? Please. You know him. When has he ever felt threatened?"

Blair kept her smile in check. She _did_know him, and even now it still made her glow inside to think she was the one of the only things in Chuck's life that he ever felt he could lose. She loved how much power she had over him (even though he would never actually admit it out loud), but she loved it so much that she never wanted to abuse it.

Nate glanced curiously at Blair's warm expression before continuing with the make-up session. She looked so beautiful and content, and he had no idea why. It reminded him of how she had been during the secret affair with Chuck, when he had been so oblivious as to the reason behind her unBlairness. Why hadn't he ever been able to make her this happy? "So, we're giving up the fight, then?" He finally asked jokingly.

"Well, we just have so much history, you know? The four of us have been best friends for so long… It's stupid to let that go to waste over a few misunderstandings and a couple of failed attempts at a relationship." Blair was pleased by how mature she was being about this whole thing. Despite everything she and Nate had gone through, it was true that they would always need each other in some sense. And when their relationship had been good, it was perfect.

So now it was Nate's turn. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he sighed, "I guess I should apologize, then. I'm really sorry about how I reacted to finding out about you and Chuck. I know I was being unfair, especially considering how badly I hurt you in the first place." It was still embarrassing, although admittedly kind of hilarious, to think about how badly all four of them had screwed each other over through the years.

Blair nodded thoughtfully. "I get why you were hurt, though. You thought that sleeping with Chuck was just about getting back at you…Wherea I've always known _somewhere_ that Serena was the real love of your life."

Nate's eyes widened at that thought. "Let's **hope** that's not true, because otherwise I'm screwed. I've already started moving on, anyway."

Blair scrunched up her nose and replied, "Ugh, Little Jenny Humphrey. So I heard." She shrugged, though, enjoying the lack of jealousy. "Well, she's got potential. At least it's not Vanessa Abrams, because then I'd have to kill you. For your own good, of course."

Nate let out a genuine laugh. It was the first time in a good long while that he had felt so at ease around his ex-girlfriend. An awkward pause followed soon, however, as there didn't seem to be anything left to say. Then Nate decided he was going to have to ask, just to get it out in the open: "So… You _didn't_ sleep with Chuck for revenge? The first time, I mean."

Blair rolled her eyes slightly. "Of course not," she sighed, feeling a little odd about being so honest with Nate. "I didn't realize it at first—or maybe I didn't **want** to realize it—but I really care about him."

_Wow_. it was more than a little surprising to hear her say it so casually. Nate knew that there was something pretty big between them, but it was impressive that Blair had let go of her past enough to just embrace her feelings for Chuck now. He smiled at her. "Man, that must suck," he mused, "caring about a selfish pig like Chuck Bass."

"I guess that puts us both in the same boat," she teased. If there was anyone who knew the dangers of giving a rat's ass about Chuck, it was most certainly Nate. Blair held out her hand in anticipation of a possible handshake and tentatively whispered, "Friends?"

He grinned and pulled her into a full embrace. "Friends," he agreed wholeheartedly.

And that was the moment Chuck crashed into the room.

* * *

**Present**

"Chuck, what the hell are you doing?" Blair cried once she had regained the ability to speak, looking worriedly back and forth between Chuck's throbbing hand (which he refused to nurse) and Nate's bleeding lower lip.

Chuck glanced Blair's direction for only a moment before turning all his anger and attention on Nate. Nate was still sprawled out on the bed, cradling his face. "I can't believe you, Nathaniel," he breathed in a low, threatening voice. "Just who do you think you are?"

Nate rubbed his face and sat back up, thinking this would go best if he didn't get angry right back. He had always been the only person who could calm Chuck down. Of course, he had never been the target of Chuck's rage, so it might be a little different this time around. "Jeez, man! I take it back. You definitely _don't_ punch like a girl. Way to prove a point."

His best friend's light-hearted response stopped Chuck cold in his tracks. How was he able to be so flippant? Did he feel no remorse whatsoever? Of course, if he really thought about it, Nate hadn't necessarily done anything to feel remorse **for**.

While Chuck was contemplating his next move, Blair came up to him and angrily hit him in the chest with her purse. "What is your _problem_, Bass?" Her eyes were full of innocent indignation and Chuck was sure she felt there was nothing for her to be ashamed of. _And so the story of how much I suck continues…_

"Eleanor said…" He faltered. "I thought you two were getting back together."

Blair scoffed. "Please. What do you take me for, Chuck?"

Chuck's nostrils flared in self-defense. "It's not like it hasn't happened before," he retorted bitterly, but Blair met his response with such a withering gaze that he wanted to break away and look at the ground instead. Of course, that was impossible. Chuck Bass never backed down from a challenge.

"Yeah, Chuck. Maybe you didn't notice, but I broke UP with you before getting back with Nate. It's not like I owed you anything. I have some sense of decency, you know."

Chuck's face reddened considerably at this—she did have a point, after all. It was better if he didn't deal with Blair for now, so he turned back to Nate. "Sorry, Nathaniel, for marring your beautiful face." Nate nodded his acceptance, and so Chuck took a deep breath before continuing. "And Blair…"

She cut him off with a wave of her hand, as if she could make their problems disappear through sheer force of will. "Obviously, we still have a lot of work to do here."

"I'm possessive," he informed her (like she couldn't already tell). "You're just going to have to get used to that fact."

"Well, maybe you're just going to have to get used to the fact that I am not a **possession**." She spoke in a matter-of-fact tone to hide the slight flutter in her stomach. It was terribly unfeminine to be thrilled that Chuck was so _jealous_, so she banished those thoughts immediately. "You can't mark me as your territory."

_I thought I already did that_, he thought, but kept it to himself. Chuck hated losing, so he changed tactics in order to be on the offensive for once. "Why didn't you tell Eleanor about us? Are you embarrassed?"

She narrowed her eyes impatiently. "I wanted you to be here first. I didn't know how she would react, and I didn't want her to treat you differently."

Nate made a coughing sound, just to see if they would turn to look at him. They didn't. "Hey, guys. I'm still here, you know…" No response. On the one hand, he didn't like the idea of having to play third wheel from now on. On the other, that had kind of _always_ been his role—he had just never noticed before.

"Why can't you trust me?" Blair's voice almost broke into a kind of pleading, which she despised. This was _not_ the way a conversation with Chuck was supposed to go. She should have just slammed the door in his face at this point.

Chuck closed his eyes before responding, "I do trust you, okay?" It was now or never. He didn't want to allow the verbal diarrhea that was threatening to spill any second, but he supposed that sometimes the truth was better than games. "I just don't trust that **I'm** the person you want to build your fake, fairytale life with, Waldorf."

The words stung, but Blair oddly didn't feel hurt. "I'm done with fairytales, Bass," she announced with a smile. "I don't want you to play replacement Prince Charming in a script I have already thrown out." She took one step closer to him and said, in a low tone, "I'm ready to get down and dirty with real life."

Chuck smirked, cupped her face in his hands, and gave her a long, hard kiss worthy of Clark Gable in **Gone With The Wind**. Except so much better, because he _would_ get the girl in the end. Plus, it was real and not being captured on film.

"Thanks, guys. Really. I appreciate the show," Nate grumbled. But he was really doing a little dance of joy inside. Nothing could make him feel more fulfilled than seeing the people he loved most happy with each other.

* * *

Just then, Eleanor ran in. She had had a delayed reaction to Blair's screams, but was now sure something was wrong since no one had come back downstairs. "What in God's name is happening?" She called out as she passed the threshold.

Taking in the blood on the carpet (that would take _hours_ for poor Dorota to scrub out!) and Nate's mangled face, she cried out, "Charles! What have you done, you deranged lunatic?"

Before Nate could protest that, really, he was fine, Eleanor caught sight of Chuck passionately kissing her daughter and had a near-meltdown. "Get of off her, you pervert! Dear God, someone call the police!" She successfully pulled him off and dug into his arm with her nails. Of course. Blair had to learn it from **somewhere**.

Blair pulled Chuck out of Eleanor's grasp and back by her side. "Mother, please don't touch my _boyfriend_. It feels inappropriate, and you're definitely no Julie Cooper."

The word 'boyfriend' definitely left Eleanor floored. "Blair, darling," she began soothingly, much like a psychiatrist speaking to a patient in a mental hospital (or a teacher speaking to kindergarteners), "Nate Archibald is the only boyfriend you've ever had."

"Ah, not anymore, Eleanor," Chuck replied with a winning smile.

"Blair, please." Eleanor lowered her voice, not wanting to hurt Chuck's feelings. He was a very charming boy, but he clearly had… a past. "Think about what you're doing. You know very well what Charles is like."

"Precisely, Mother." Blair huffed a little, hating that her mother questioned her judgment about everything—especially relationships, which was ridiculous. Blair wasn't the one who knowingly stayed married to a gay man for almost two decades. "I **do** know him. I know him better than you do, and I also know that he is the best possible guy for me."

At some point during her little speech, her hand had taken hold of Chuck's, but she had no idea how it happened. She was obviously not thinking clearly, seeing as she glared triumphantly at the woman who birthed her and finished her declaration with, "I love him."

Eleanor gasped audibly and covered her mouth with her hands, while Nate tried very hard to simply disappear on the spot. He did not like being witness to these awkward moments, but he had to admit the expression on Chuck's face was humorous enough to relieve the tension he felt.

Blair cursed herself for letting something like that slip and tried to pull her hand away. Chuck wouldn't let go, though; he just held on and squeezed slightly. She turned to look at him with what she hoped was an expression of defiance, daring him to run away or look disgusted. He looked back, however, with so much confusion and unmasked adoration that she couldn't help but be thrilled that she had said the words out loud.

Eleanor took a deep breath, trying to process all this new information in a way that didn't feel like a punch to the gut. When she finally felt composed, she proclaimed, "Looks like it's dinner time!" Eyeing Nate pleadingly, she asked, "Would you care to join us, dear?"

Nate shook his head with as close to a sardonic smile as he was capable of. "No, thanks, Miss Waldorf. You're probably dying to spend some quality time with your new son-in-law." He clapped Chuck endearingly on the shoulder as a conciliatory gesture.

Chuck threw Nate a faux-menacing look as his friend walked out the door. "Nathaniel, I will not hesitate to kick your ass all over again."

"Honestly, Charles! Language, please," Eleanor chided. "If you're going to be dating my daughter, I'm afraid I will have to wash your mouth out with soap."

"No need, Eleanor," Chuck said in an overly solemn voice. "You will never hear another naughty word escape my lips." He even pretended to zip up his lips for proper effect.

"And tell your father as soon as you get home that I would like to speak to him immediately."

Chuck nodded, but he didn't like that idea as much. Who knew what his father would say out of a misguided need to speak the truth?

"As a matter of fact…" Eleanor thought it over, "I don't think I'd trust him when it comes to you. Have Lily call me instead."

_Perfect_. Lily practically worshiped the ground he walked on. Chuck knew how to work the ladies, of course, and he had Lily eating out of his hand since practically day one.

Blair slipped her arm through his as they started making their way downstairs to the dining table. Eleanor took the scene in for a brief moment and spoke up once more. "Charles… If you hurt my daughter, I will hunt you down and kill you."

Chuck contemplated her very seriously for a moment. "Not if I kill myself first."

Sufficiently satisfied with this response, Eleanor sat down at the head of the table and rang the bell to call for the food.

Chuck kissed the top of Blair's head before releasing her to take his own place at the table. "I hope Dorota made the meal today. I _do_ love the smell of her Polish cooking."

**THE END**


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